New England woman goes on 3 dates with man. Then she learns something disturbing about his past: ‘Sounds like a episode of Black Mirror’

Modern dating can feel a bit like playing Russian roulette, especially for women. There really is no way to tell what kind of person you’re dealing with on the other end of the apps.

From men out to waste women’s time to dudes with terrible hygiene, it’s grim out in these streets. There are more nefarious cases, too—and a woman on TikTok has gone viral for one such case.

What happened with her dating experience?

In a video first posted on Jan. 8, TikToker Catalina (@missfitness______) shares a wild dating experience. It has since accumulated over 12,000 views. She says she was encouraged by her friends to go out with a guy who seemed “super nice.”

Catalina says she “wasn’t really into him” but that the first date featured “good conversation.” So she agreed to go on a second date. She “wasn’t really into it” during this second date either, but it was still “fun.” But then, the guy’s first red flag appeared.

“He told me he … had gotten a divorce about nine months prior to this,” Catalina says. “He had lived in London, and they had gotten a divorce in London. I did a folded background check. Everything checked out as far as what he told me, besides the London part … Kind of a red flag here.”

Catalina then says she noticed he was “following a lot of the same-looking women that did not look anything like [her],” which she identified as a red flag—because it seemed she was not his type. During their third date, more red flags appeared.

Alarm bells start to ring

During the date, this guy was sweating profusely and had to drink alcohol to get the sweating to stop. This made Catalina concerned that he was struggling with substance abuse problems. At the end of the date, something held her back from getting intimate at all, so she refused a kiss. After that, she “never heard from him again.”

“I obviously never contacted him either,” Catalina says. She says she “wasn’t really into it. I knew there was something off.”

The plot twist? She was right. A friend of a friend ended up knowing this guy personally. And Catalina finally got all the missing details.

“[This guy] ended up getting arrested, had to go into a mental institution, was sleeping with everybody in the mental institution, and got kicked out of mental institution,” Catalina recounts. “But the funny part about this—and it’s not really that funny—he was never really 100% divorced. He was separated. He lied about getting a divorce in London.”

Catalina says she also found out her date “had gotten arrested in a domestic altercation with his soon-to-be ex-wife” and had “a rule that if [women] don’t put out after the third date, then he ghosts them.”

“So he’s still on Bumble, he’s still on Hinge,” Catalina concludes. “I was right the whole time … Women’s intuition. When something is off, something is off.”

@missfitness______ Another funny dating story ? #dating #datingadvice #foryou #viral #tiktok ♬ original sound – Cat

What are the actual red flags when dating?

First off, let’s define our terms. “Red flags” refer to warning signs of impending problems or dangers. Rooted in nautical and military histories of waving red banners to signal readiness for battle, the phrase has become mega-popular over the last few years. In the context of relationships, a “red flag” is slang for some kind of behavior, trait, or other personal quirk that shows someone is bad news.

Conversely, a “green flag” signals that someone is a great romantic prospect. Traits like patience, kindness, and a strong work ethic are common “green flags.” According to Psychology Today, “Yellow flags” are behaviors that mean you should be cautious and keep an eye out for anything more serious, and “beige flags” are “generic or minor quirks that don’t reveal much about a person.”

In terms of Catalina’s video, it’s important to acknowledge that red flags are subjective. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and all that. However, there are a few flags that experts agree are non-negotiable red.

Did he have any red flags?

Catalina brings up a lot of concerns in her video that deal with delicate issues. Conversations on substance abuse, criminal records, and mental health require immense nuance and sensitivity, and shouldn’t be speculated about by strangers. But most crucially, Catalina says in her video that this guy lied about getting a divorce in London, was put off by her boundaries regarding intimacy, and got in a “domestic altercation” with his partner.

Coaching service BetterUp warns about “narcissism, aggression, victimization, or even abusive behavior.” In a similar vein, SimplyPsychology also draws a hard line against abuse and also warns of people who push to move “too quickly into intimacy.”

The Mary Sue has reached out to Bumble and Hinge via email, as well as Catalina via TikTok comment.

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