London boy loses his balance on the train, and before he knows it, his finger is in an old man’s ear: ‘Why is my life like this’
I would’ve gotten off at the next stop and started a new life.
We have all experienced that split-second loss of dignity on a train when a sudden lurch sends us flying. But one London commuter just set a new gold standard for “rickety” train trauma.
TikTok creator Tobias Cordes (@tobias_cordes_) is inducing secondhand cringes after sharing his recent experience on the Southeastern high-speed line. In a matter of seconds, he went from a simple stumble to performing an unintentional invasive procedure.
With his “waxy” ordeal, Tobias highlights the horror of accidentally becoming a little too intimate with a total stranger. But on a busy train, you never know when your “grab for stability” might land you in someone’s ear canal.
A crowded Southeastern train set the stage for disaster
A few days ago, Tobias was traveling to visit his family on the high-speed line in London. The route is well-known to locals for being “classic” and often overcrowded. But Tobias’ struggle began after a fellow passenger began the universal “rustle” of bags to signal she needed to get out.
Like any normal person, Tobias decided to vacate his seat and walk down the train to find a new spot. However, the train was moving at high speed and felt “rickety.” So, Tobias understandably struggled to maintain his footing while navigating the aisle.
He accidentally used an old man’s ear for balance
As the train jerked, Tobias lost his balance and immediately reached out to grab the top of a seat to steady himself. Without looking, his hand landed not on the headrest, but directly inside the ear of an elderly man sitting nearby.
“I literally—I wasn’t even looking, but I felt the inside of someone’s ear,” he recalled. But the aftermath was as awkward as the incident itself. Tobias turned to see the man looking around in total confusion, prompting Tobias to deploy the “ignore and walk” strategy.
Adding a final layer of embarrassing detail, Tobias admitted that his finger felt “waxy.” So, he quickly wiped his hand in disgust and hurried away. Not knowing what to do, Tobias simply chose to pretend the entire event never happened.
How to maintain your balance on a moving train
To avoid performing an accidental medical procedure on your next commute, you can follow some precautions. If you find yourself without a seat, always stand in the wide stance. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart to create a more stable center of gravity during “rickety” turns.
Even if you feel like your legs won’t betray you, utilize the handrail when moving between cars. Try to keep at least one hand on a fixed yellow rail or overhead handle at all times. And most importantly, time your movement. Wait for the train to reach a straight stretch or slow down before attempting to walk down the aisle.
While mistakes often happen, you should still try to verify your hand placement before reaching for a seat or pole.
Some memories stick to you like wax
Tobias’s story makes for the perfect argument that we are all just one “rickety” turn away from a total social collapse. Thanks to the train setting, he won’t have to see the same set of people ever again.
But even though Tobias successfully walked away from the scene of the crime, the memory, and the tactile sensation, will likely live rent-free in his mind for years to come. For the old man, we hope he realized it was an accident and moved on.
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