comScore Poor Life Lessons From Battlefield Bad Company 2 | The Mary Sue
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Lessons From Battlefield: Bad Company 2 That Probably Don’t Translate to Real Life

When I turn my on Xbox 360 — not a Sony fanboy so much as I enjoy Blu-rays — I do so to play Battlefield: Bad Company 2. I own over a dozen other games for the system and they all lay dormant. When there’s so much to learn about life, love and warfare inside one single game, why play any others?

On the other hand, there are definitely some aspects of Bad Company 2 that are probably a little far-fetched. Who knew that the various tricks and skills learned via a military shooter video game wouldn’t translate to real life? Head on past the break to see the absolute best lessons that don’t quite make sense outside of Bad Company 2.

1. Always Pack Your Parachute

Regardless of the situation of current hazards, you should always have a parachute. If you jump off buildings, pull the chute. Out of a helicopter? Pull the chute. Down a ridge? Pull. The. Chute. Never mind the fact that it likely weighs close to 100lbs, at least it will always be there when you need it. Oh, and don’t worry about working up the speed to actually utilize the thing. As evidenced by Bad Company 2, it just sort of… works.

2. Keep a Knife Handy

If you’ve ever found yourself trapped by a fence, chances are you could have done with having learned this lesson a lot earlier. It’s pretty simple: Any and all fences, be they wooden or chain link, fall to the unstoppable onslaught of the military combat knife. Seriously. If you’re out of fences, you could always stab some foo’. Or cut down some wayward foliage, I suppose. There are many different ways to utilize your knife, assuming you always have it on hand! Said knife is a certainly multi-tasker; Alton Brown would be proud.

3. When in Doubt, Blow it Up

There are many more obstacles that litter the landscape beyond foliage and fences. Perhaps the one lesson that might very well translate to real life is this simple mantra: When in doubt, blow it up. It’s about as simple as things get. Walls got you down? Thank goodness for C4. Anti-air guns, buildings, helicopters, doors, tanks, shady crevices where folks could be hiding — all these and more are just ripe for a little explosive pick-me-up.

4. Electric Wrench: Ultimate Repair Tool

In case you weren’t aware, anything can be repaired with an electric wrench. Well, mechanical things, anyhow. If someone had some doubts about a vehicle or mounted weapon and blew it up, a short session of drilling it with an electric wrench will make the whole thing as good as new — that is, assuming it didn’t blow up entirely. There’s only so much one electric wrench can do, but you can still fix up a helicopter by running the wrench against the ceiling while being carried in the bay. Of everything, this is perhaps the most dangerous thing to attempt outside of Bad Company 2.

5. Long Distance Shotgun-Shooting

There was a time where shotguns meant you were fighting in close quarters. There was also a time where akimbo shotguns meant you were a low-down dirty scoundrel playing Call of Duty. Now, using shotguns means you’re a sniper. Yep.

Assuming you use slug ammunition to group the shot, shotguns are far and away the most deadly of sniping weapons. Not only does it have the versatility and stopping power of a shotgun, but the shot won’t drop terribly much over distance. This leads to regular snipers getting shot in the face by shotguns from across the map. Were that shotguns could snipe like this in reality.

6. Air Strikes are a Matter of Time

When calling in air strikes, the only thing stopping the ground-pounding brought forth by those mortars is time. There’s no need for ammunition here; that’s somebody else’s problem. Wait a little while and they’ll be ready to go again. That’s clearly how things work in [insert current zone of war here], right?

A pair of spiffy binoculars to call down the pain should be standard issue as well, so never fear, that is, assuming you decided to try your hand at being a sniper. The two are obviously connected by some magical mysterious bond as there’s no way to call in mortars otherwise. A bummer, I know.

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