So you wanna play Dungeons & Dragons, do you?
Are you sure you know what you’re getting into? This ain’t no episode of Stranger Things. This ain’t no Hollywood movie. This is the REAL DEAL. The genuine article. This is the game that our forefathers played in the shag-carpeted basements of the 1970s after they got their lunch money stolen at school. The history of this game is written in the blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids of the Dorks of Yore. Are you sure you’re ready to pick up the mantle? And more importantly … are you even worthy?
If you are still reading, you have passed the first test. Now let us begin.
Assemble the nerds!
Before you can play a game of Dungeons & Dragons, you must first gather together a group of like-mindedly geeky friends. If you have friends but aren’t sure if they’re geeky, try to sus it out by asking leading questions like “How do you feel about 20-sided dice?” or “Do you speak goblin?” If you get affirmative answers for either, you’re in. If you don’t have friends, go make some! There are even plenty of online communities dedicated to remote D&D sessions. Seek out the internet lands of Reddit!
Choose an edition
*cough* 5E *cough cough* no but seriously, pick 5E. There are many editions of D&D running around, all the way to the VERY FIRST edition that was played decades ago. You can choose any version you want, but I personally recommend 5E for beginners. It’s the most up-to-date version, and has the most resources available online and for free for new players. Plus the rulebooks are all free online too! Just go to the Dungeons and Dragons Beyond website!
Create your characters (and choose your DM)
Each of you will use the rulebooks to create a character, choosing from a set list of races and classes. Let your imagination run wild! Lizardman Bards! Halfing Barbarians! Goblin wizards! The choice is yours! Are you a good guy or a bad guy? Are you rich or poor? Young or old? What weapons do you use? What do you think about the world? What is your quest? Your name? Your favorite color? If you are the Dungeon Master, you must play God and shape a world in your image! Create dungeons, cities, townsfolk, monsters, rulers, witches, demons, and dragons! The choice is yours!
Learn the rules
When I say “the choice is yours”, you still have to choose based on predesigned rules made up by the creators of the game. You obviously can’t start the game at as a Level 35 Ancient Dragon. That wouldn’t be fun for the rest of the gang, now would it? You need to know all about the dice you must roll. The abilities you use. The skills you have. How combat works. How magic works. How you can explore the world. There is much to learn. A player should reference the Player’s Handbook, while a Dungeon Master should reference the Dungeon Master’s Guide.
Prepare thyself
Buy a shag rug. Light some candles. Put on a wizard hat. Get some AMBIENCE going. Make sure your character sheets are filled out, your skills and equipment are selected, and your dice are within reach. If you’re the Dungeon master: BRING YOUR NOTES. You took all that time making up the world, you don’t want to forget it mid-game. Also, make sure to provide your party with keymaps or visual elements!
BEGIN
Dungeon Master: set the stage. Where are we? Describe your carefully crafted world. Give me DETAILS. I want mood and atmosphere. Don’t be afraid to throw some Hollywood razzle-dazzle on it. Tell me just how bad that swamp stinks. Just how high those castle walls rise. Just how sexy is that tavern-keeper? I wanna know all the DEETS. Adventurers, start adventuring. Describe your characters and the actions that they take. The DM tells you about a spooky farmhouse down the road that you want to explore. Let them know that that’s where you’re going! You decide what you do, and your DM will shape the adventure around your decisions.
Roll the dice!
Eventually, the players will encounter something that requires a dice roll. It may be a roll to attack an enemy, a roll to investigate a room, or a roll to seduce an inexplicably hot tree monster. DM and players alike should be ready for ANYTHING. Dice rolls in this game are basically fate’s decisions. The success of your actions will be decided by chance, though your race and class will give you certain advantages in these rolls. There are many types of dice, including four-sided (d4), six-sided (d6), eight-sided (d8), ten-sided (d10), twelve-sided (d12), and twenty-sided (d20) dice. Make sure you understand them all!
Improvise!
Dungeon Masters, no matter how hard you try, your adventure is going to go belly up at some point. The Bard in your party may become obsessed with seducing Bigglesworth the Tavern Keeper. The Wizard may find hidden esoteric meanings in some random trash found in the corner of the room. The Barbarian may fly into an inexplicable rage and attempt to assassinate a character who is necessary to keep the plot going. It’s your job to solve those problems. My advice: just go with it. Let your players act out their wildest fantasies. After all, it’s their adventure. Does the Bard want to sleep with Bigglesworth? Then maybe you can figure out a way to weave this random side character into your main plot. The Wizard found some trash? Maybe it IS an actual magical treasure that will get your party back on the straight and narrow. Your carefully designed plot character is dead? Just make up another. You are God, don’t forget that. You can do whatever you want. And players, be nice to your DM, they worked really hard on an adventure for you. Don’t break it.
Communicate
Dungeon Masters, listen to your players. Players, listen to each other and your DM. Work together, collaborate, and fight as a well-oiled machine. You all have strengths and weaknesses that make you integral to overcoming any challenges that await you on your adventure. And DMs, try not to kill your players. Don’t throw an Ancient Dragon at them while they’re level 3. It won’t go well.
LEVEL UP
Dungeon masters, be generous with experience points. What are experience points? XP is the thing that allows characters to level up their stats and become stronger. As players complete adventures and overcome challenges, their characters gain experience points. Personally, I think that players should level up after EVERY GAME, but that’s just me. It feels good to get stronger, so let your party get stronger. Besides, this way you can throw an Ancient Dragon at them a little sooner than you intended. And won’t THAT be a game to remember?
(featured image: Netflix)
