‘This can’t be real’: Chicago woman leaves her ‘abusive’ partner. Then she finds his relationship advice videos with more than 1 million views
Abusive relationships are far more common than you might be aware of. In the U.S., nearly 20 percent of marriages and intimate partnerships involve some form of physical or emotional abuse.
Data from multiple public health agencies also shows that one in four women and one in seven men will experience physical violence from an intimate partner during their lifetime. Sexual violence and stalking remain widespread as well, with millions of people affected each year.
Those numbers often feel abstract until someone puts a face to them. That’s what happened when a Chicago woman realized that the man she says was abusive was now offering relationship advice to a massive audience online.
TikToker Kimberly (@kimberly.b124) shared a short video reacting to the news that her abusive former partner had built a following by giving relationship advice. The clip took off, garnering more than 3.6 million views.
“I was just told that my abusive ex has relationship advice videos that have over 1 million views,” Kimberly says in the video, pressing her hand to her forehead as she processes the irony.
Commenters Share Similar Stories
Kimberly’s video opened the floodgates for people who had experienced something eerily similar.
“My abusive ex is a licensed therapist. The world is a crazy place,” one person wrote.
Another said, “Mines a domestic violence advocate attorney.”
A third commenter added, “Mine speaks to churches about being a great father.”
Someone else shared a more recent experience, writing, “A man who ghosted me a year ago has a podcast about mental health and he had a whole hour of talking about how ghosting is so bad for our brain loool.”
@kimberly.b124 My mind is melting at the moment. He abuses every single partner he has ever had and is giving advice and people are listening ?#relationshipadvice #ex #toxicrelationship #breakup #abuseawareness ♬ original sound – Kimberly | Glowing Era ??✨
The Problem With Relationship Advice Online
Dating coaches, relationship experts, and self-styled gurus dominate TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and podcast platforms. Much of that content targets people who are vulnerable, lonely, or trying to make sense of a painful breakup.
The problem is that “dating coach” isn’t a protected title. There’s no universal licensing requirement, no standardized training, and no oversight. Anyone with a camera and a bit of confidence can start giving advice, regardless of their personal history or qualifications.
While some creators share thoughtful, experience-based insights, others push rigid gender roles, normalize manipulation, or frame control as confidence. In more extreme cases, advice can excuse harmful behavior or encourage people to stay in unsafe situations under the guise of “working on the relationship.”
These programs also aren’t cheap. On Reddit, many people have questioned whether it’s normal to pay as much as $5,000 to someone who claims they can fix your dating life.
“He said that it’s protocol, we can’t work with everyone, so we need to see where you fit in. Private zoom calls with the coach, a personalized game plan, group sessions with other members, dating profile setup for 6 months was $5k. Group calls with others was $3k. There was more to this but I can’t remember the specifics,” one person shared. “To make a long story short I said that I might consider it at 1/10th of the price, and that was that. He said I will probably be right back here in 5 years.”
The Mary Sue has reached out to Kimberly via TikTok messages to learn more about her experience.
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