Maine boyfriend moves in, agrees to pay utilities. Then on payday, he goes on ‘a little shopping spree’ instead

Moving in with a partner can teach you a lot about a relationship.

For example, while both partners may claim to be “neat and tidy” people, moving in together can teach you how different each person’s definition of that phrase can be. Discoveries like these may be why, according to Pew Research, 48% of American adults believe couples who live together before marriage have a better chance of a successful marriage.

However, not every couple that moves in together does so because they plan to get married. In fact, studies say that around 1 in 5 couples move in together for financial reasons.

Regardless of a couple’s reasons for cohabitating, living under one roof can bring out the best and worst in people. One user on TikTok recently sparked discussion after claiming her cohabitation experience revealed a potential red flag about her partner—and led to them ending their relationship.

What Happened When This Woman Moved In With Her Partner?

In a video with over 19,000 views, TikTok user @skyforgedsteel says she’s looking for some “brutal opinions” about new developments in her relationship.

According to the TikToker, she had been “on and off” with a man for around 18 months. The pair met in their Dungeons and Dragons group and, by her description, have “broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count.”

About three weeks ago, the pair decided to move in together. During initial discussions of this, he offered to pay for utilities, telling the TikToker directly that she should not pay these bills and that he’d “take care of it.”

However, when the time came to pay the bills, she discovered something that made her upset.

“His payday came and went,” the TikToker recalls. “He decides, on payday, to go on a little shopping spree for himself. He bought some expensive items for himself, and I was like, ‘Hey, you’re gonna send me that money?’ And he’s like, ‘Oh, yeah, I guess I could send you $100.’”

After this, the TikToker claims her partner said he could pay her later. However, he “completely forgot” that he planned to do so, and she did not receive the promised payments.

A Confrontation Goes Badly

While the TikToker said that she had originally planned to sell her home and move with this man to a smaller living space, issues like these are causing her to rethink this decision.

Concerned, she brought these issues up with her partner. His reaction, she says, was not great.

“He kind of twisted it like, ‘What would you do with that money anyways?’” she starts. “Like, b—-, I own a three story house. I have two dogs, a cat, an 8-year-old, and apparently I’m taking care of a grown man.”

“He’s making it seem like I’m doing something weird with his money and asking him for money for no reason,” she continues.

From here, the TikToker says she questioned him about whether he would be able to help with housing expenses at all. It was at this point that he “got very offended” and left. Now, the TikToker is concerned that, when he comes back, he’s not going to understand that her concern is about his financial irresponsibility.

Her first video ends with an open question regarding what comes next.

The Woman Offers An Update

In a second video, the TikToker says she believes the relationship is “pretty much done.”

According to her, once he returned, the couple began to argue.

“He did twist the whole fight to be about how I made him feel like he was a deadbeat,” she recalls. “I didn’t use any of those words, but I made him feel bad, and his feelings are ‘more important than him forgetting to pay the bills.’”

“He turned it about how I hurt his feelings, and then proceeded to accuse me of cheating on him and never loving him,” she added.

All of this, she realized, made her realize that the pair were “pretty much done.”

In another follow-up video, the TikToker says that, while she’s concerned about their mutual friendships, she feels the decision was right. Consequently, she’s going to “focus on … nurturing my female friendships.”

What Should Someone Do In This Situation?

While situations like these can illuminate some of the unhealthiest parts of a relationship, even completely healthy relationships can struggle through the moving-in period.

To ease this process, experts recommend taking a variety of formal steps before actually moving in with each other. Although these can feel a bit silly for couples that already spend a lot of time together, making the time to actually talk about the practical aspects of moving in with each other can make things easier and, if you’re compatible, strengthen the relationship.

First, you should honestly discuss whether you’re both ready for this step in your relationship. From there, you can get into the more practical details. For example, how much — in exact numbers — will each side pay for rent? If one partner cannot pay rent for a month, how will that be handled? How will other household costs be divided?

This is often a difficult conversation and can test a relationship. However, if the couple is able to handle it, they can progress to tackling other important aspects of living together, such as how space will be divided and how differences in sleep and social schedules will be managed.

Commenters Hope For The Best

In the comments section, users told the TikToker that she made the right move by getting out of the relationship.

“That’s what my husband did to me for 20 years. Turned everything around to blame me for his irresponsibility,” recalled a user. “Meanwhile, he would always remember things that were important to him, just not tasks he promised to do for me. I stayed too long.”

“Excellent choice!!! You definitely got so lucky this all came out quickly before a major purchase. I hate it when they manipulate in order to deflect,” offered another.

“I think you ended what would have become more of the same. Not paying for things, forgetting important stuff, not making your needs a priority. You saved yourself a lot of angst and frustration,” declared a third.

@skyforgedsteel #relationshipdrama ♬ original sound – Marvelously Mediocre

The Mary Sue reached out to @skyforgedsteel via TikTok DM and comment.

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