‘Means he’s probably married’: New York Woman plans to meet Hinge match. Then she learns never to say yes to coffee dates
Dating in New York is already a Cirque du Soleil act of red flags, but one Hinge match just managed to raise the bar.
A woman shows up for her long-awaited coffee date even though he chose a chain café a full 40 minutes from her apartment. When she finally walks in, he’s already halfway through his latte without a hint of shame. It definitely posed her not as a romantic prospect but more like the Uber Eats order he forgot he placed. Then, with the confidence of a man who may have a partner somewhere, he suggests she get in line for her own drink. If this is the state of modern romance, no wonder half the city is in therapy and the other half is swearing off coffee dates forever.
What Happened with Fiona’s Coffee Date?
A minute-long recap of her most recent coffee date has Fiona (@fionaxgracee) gathering 275,000 views and almost a thousand comments.
She begins the clip, saying, “So, I just got back from a Hinge date that was supposed to be a coffee date and I kind of thought it was a red flag when he picked a coffee shop that was like 40 minutes away from me and also, a chain. But I was like, ‘I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Like, maybe men don’t look for cute coffee shops.’”
Fiona says she arrives at the coffee shop only to realize her date was already drinking his own coffee. She then gets the pleasantries out of the way and sits down for the conversation. Ten minutes in, the man says, “Oh, aren’t you gonna get a coffee? Oh, do you wanna wait for the line to die down and then you’re gonna go up?” Fiona then stays speechless for a few seconds, starting multiple sentences but trailing off. Like, “so you wanted to get me a coffee but…”
She then looks straight into the camera and says deadpan, “It was terrible and I literally just came home and wanna cry. Like, it was so terrible and that sounds dramatic but it’s not. Like, I spent all of my freaking Sunday getting ready for this, getting myself to feel good about it and it was terrible.” This is where the clip ends. The text overlay reads: “Worst hinge date ever.”
@fionaxgracee such a let down #dating #nyc #hinge ♬ original sound – Fi
Are Coffee Dates No Longer Acceptable?
Interestingly enough, coffee dates and even dinner dates are now glaring red flags within the dating community. What once were safe meetings to fall back on are now the most judged invitations. A part of the judgment comes from the concept that these suggestions are boring and overdone. Another is that maybe…these dates don’t really care about you.
The Mary Sue covered a story where an Austin woman was asked out on a coffee date, only for the man to refuse to pay for her $5 coffee. In another perspective, a dating coach from LA says you should never take a girl out for dinner as a first date. Her reasoning? It’s too much pressure and not enough space for the girl to get acclimated to you. It seems the norms from the ‘90s are quickly losing steam. What’s next, movie dates?
Viewers Join in Arms Against Coffee Dates
Fiona’s comments section could be used in a study researching the dying coffee date conundrum. One of the top comments states, “Never accept a coffee date!” While another viewer says, “Don’t ever go 40 mins for a coffee shop.”
Other viewers are appalled at the man’s behavior as well. One shares, “I gasped when you said he already had a coffee.” Another says, “No you’re not wrong because it’s etiquette to wait to order and drink together.”
Some viewers speculate what else could be playing a hand here. One viewer says, “Coffee date 40 minutes away means he’s probably married.” Another viewer shares a different perspective, “It was probably a 5 min drive from him as well.”
Lastly, many just hate dating apps as a whole. One viewer says, “Why are hinge dates sooo humiliating.” Another says, “how are people still on hinge? and dating apps! it seems horrible, I haven’t been on a dating app in years. I refuse to get on one.”
The Mary Sue reached out to the creator via email.
Update Dec. 7, 2025:
In an email to the Mary Sue, Fiona revealed that it was the first time something like that had happened to her.
“I haven’t been on a ton of hinge dates tho, so I’m sure it’s probably more common than I’ve experienced!” she wrote. “I’ve had a ton of instances on Hinge where a guy will ask if you want to go on a date and once you agree you never hear from them again… weird!”
Fiona continued that the guy never realized he did anything wrong.
“He must have thought it went well because he asked to see me again after that, but I never responded,” she said. “I almost did just to give him a heads up as to why I wasn’t interested… But honestly I feel like that’s something he will learn on his own in time.. I hope.”
She never told him what he did wrong and revealed how she was “nice” throughout the whole date.
“I’m not the type of person to just get up and leave in a situation like that. Maybe I should have – but I stayed,” she shared.
While the incident didn’t really make her totally lose faith in today’s dating scene, she said it “definitely sucked.”
“I really hate online dating in general so this didn’t help. I feel like guys these days (and maybe girls too) just don’t know how to treat each other well or right,” Fiona added. “I feel like in the era of online dating we’ve kind of lost the plot. It feels like nobody goes up to each other anymore or plans a real proper date.”
As for coffee dates, Fiona said they didn’t bother her until now.
“I understand why going to a dinner can be intimidating and why maybe some people don’t want to get drinks (they could be sober or just be bored of the concept),” she said. “Dating in general as I mentioned earlier has kind of been depressing me recently. I want to go on fun dates and meet new people but it feels so monotonous at this point. I hate liking on hinge or swiping. I really wish more people approached each other in bars, cafes, restaurants, literally wherever. I hope that changes soon!”
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