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New Web Service Promises to Create the Perfect Imaginary Girlfriend

this exists

Someone should definitely let Peter Coffin know that he is not alone in his world of creating elaborately imaginary girlfriends.

A new web service called Cloud Girlfriend promises to create the perfect “social network girlfriend.” After entering in information on what constitutes the “perfect girlfriend,” the service sets up a fake profile that sends fake messages to a guy’s social networking sites. So everyone thinks he has a girlfriend. Wow.

According to the Cloud Girlfriend site, this is how the perfect imaginary girlfriend process works:

Step 1: Define your perfect girlfriend. Step 2: We bring her into existence. Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

Ooooo! Maybe she is “the perfect storm of the traits that make up a great person and she has a pretty face to go with it,” or maybe she’s “the kind of girl who doesn’t believe her own hype and probably never will”! But mostly, you “literally would do anything to be with her until [you] stop breathing.”

Is this like a sad, techie role-playing game? Is it really for guys who wish they had girlfriends, but for whatever reason can’t find one, so they manufacture one? They realize they can’t have sex with this imaginary girlfriend, right? Not just because she’s unattainable, but because, um, she doesn’t even exist?

Okay, quick story: Back when I was flat-chested, I didn’t stuff my bra. I thought that a fate worse than being a carpenter’s dream was being exposed as one after orchestrating a sad, sad lie. The humiliation of being caught with socks/tissues/balloons filled with pudding gone askew was too much worry for an already-self-conscious teenager. So I stayed flat. (Until about junior year of high school.) The moral of the story is: why would someone go through the trouble of using a web service to create the illusion of a fake girlfriend when they run the risk of being exposed as a fraud? But maybe there could be innocent, non-pathetic reasons for doing this:

1. Someone who doesn’t get the hint. Someone is relentlessly pursuing someone via a social network, and there needs to be tangible evidence of unavailability. I think many of us have been there and asked a friend to pose as our significant other to ward someone else off. (This doesn’t apply to stalking because a stalker would probably be savvy enough to figure everything out.)

2. Pressure from family. Maybe they’re really laying on the guilt on about a guy not being married, or the guy is dating someone they don’t like. So now he has a decoy to keep eberyone off his back.

3. Performance art.

4. Also probably comes in handy for dudes in the closet.

All that said, the truth is still better than any of these untruthful options. But will there be a Cloud Boyfriend service too?


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