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Conservatives Are Melting Down At ‘Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny’s Dig at Their Favorite Thing

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in 'The Dial of Destiny'

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is hitting theaters next month, and conservatives have concerns. Specifically, one line makes the movie too woke for their tastes, leading many to declare that they’re not going to see it.

So what’s the offending line?

One sequence from the trailer has prompted a Fox News reporter to call the movie “catastrophically bad.” In the scene, Indy says, “You stole it!” Mads Mikkelsen’s J├╝rgen Voller then points out that Indy stole it next, with Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Helena chiming in with, “Then I stole it!” She turns to Indy, smirking, and says, “It’s called capitalism.”

There are numerous replies to the tweet containing the screenshot, with users denouncing the movie and claiming that Hollywood doesn’t know what capitalism is. Now, news outlets are beginning to announce that Indiana Jones has gone woke.

Yeah, capitalists steal stuff, I thought we all knew this?

Taking stuff has always been at the heart of capitalism. Colonists stole Native land for plantations, and Black lives for slave labor. Today, corporations steal raw materials from less powerful groups, and then steal labor to fuel the sweat shops that turn those materials into products. If your manager has ever asked you to work extra time after clocking out, it’s because the company wanted to make more profits by not paying you. Come on, people, this is basic stuff.

To conservatives, “woke” means “anything that’s not exactly like me”

Remember when the word woke meant something? When it had a definite meaning and a history? Now, to conservatives, it just refers to anything that doesn’t worship rich, able-bodied, cishet white men.

If they’re clinging to some right-wing, MAGA-hat-wearing fantasy version of Indiana Jones, bad news: the Indiana Jones franchise has always been woke.

Like, seriously, the guy punches Nazis. It’s all right there in the films.

But wait! How can a Hollywood movie criticize capitalism? That’s hypocritical!

Congratulations, you figured it out: the system that perpetuates itself by stealing resources and labor is the very same one that allows filmmakers to make films. It’s also how you get all your food and shelter! it’s the system that produced this computer I’m typing on! Capitalism is everywhere, we all live in it, and that makes us all complicit!

In the meantime, if you want to go see the new Indiana Jones, you should go see it and enjoy it. Just be warned, though: you’ll have a terrible time if you’re religiously devoted to Fox News’ version of reality.

(featured image: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

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Julia Glassman (she/they) holds an MFA from the Iowa Writers' Workshop, and has been covering feminism and media since 2007. As a staff writer for The Mary Sue, Julia covers Marvel movies, folk horror, sci fi and fantasy, film and TV, comics, and all things witchy. Under the pen name Asa West, she's the author of the popular zine 'Five Principles of Green Witchcraft' (Gods & Radicals Press). You can check out more of her writing at https://juliaglassman.carrd.co/.