Louisa (Burlington, ON)
as Commander Shepard from Mass Effect
The Mass Effect series by BioWare has a really special place in my heart. As someone diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, it is really hard for me to keep my head above the noxious fumes of self-hatred and helplessness once they settle in. It sounds a bit dramatic, but I’m sure anyone who has gone through the same can agree–getting caught up in your own mind and all its thoughts can be a terrible thing.
Mass Effect’s Commander Shepard and cosplay helped me out a lot with that, as cheesy as that may sound.
It was only by chance that I picked up the ME trilogy in 2013. It was on sale for stupid cheap, the sales clerk had recommended it, I had an Xbox at home, all the stars were aligned, and etc. It took me two months of back-to-back playing to finish the trilogy… I have never torn through a series of games so fast in my life. I have never, prior to it, completed a game in its entirety.
It was also the first time in my life where a game left me sitting in the dark, sobbing loudly, in my parents’ basement, at 3 in the morning, all with the end credits’ gentle glow washing over me. I was simultaneously completely heartbroken and in love. You’ve got to understand that everything I’ve done in-game reflected my own moral alignment, my desires, struggles, developed relationships – and now it was all over. The game did a great job replacing my reality and filling my brain with theirs, which was of a hero who had to push through so many difficult, life-altering obstacles to get to the finish line. It really resonated with me on a personal level.
So, in my impassioned state, and as someone who is incapable of casually liking things, I thought, “I have to honour this game!!! I must become Commander Shepard!” The moment I had some free time I began drafting a costume. I was nervous yet excited. I had only really attempted one other cosplay before this! The planning stage would have to be thorough if I was to complete this costume.
I was particularly fond of the armour found in the third game so I went with that. I have a formal background in Fine Arts & Art Criticism so I felt pretty confident going into it, albeit also a bit nervous. I knew the process would require a lot of researching about materials, tutorials, tools, and paints. And it did. There have been so many amazing Shepards before me so I used them as my inspiration. Taking what I liked and disliked about other armoured costumes, I drew multiple drafts of the armour to visualize the mechanics. I then made mock-ups with craft foam and tape to get the shape/proportion correct. My main goals were that is had to be functional–sitting and peeing while in costume were my priority–proportional and badass. (P.S. I can pee in it, hurrah!)
Mass Effect is lovely in that it is both a sci-fi RPG and a shooter, with lots of story in between, and you can customize your main character. It’s glorious! However, I didn’t want “my” Shepard from the playthrough of the game, so I picked the default Shepard from ME3. Who doesn’t want to be a butt-kicking, gun-wielding, red-headed woman with flawless eyebrows?!
I could submit a dozen costume process photos, but I will spare you the pain of going through it here. Instead I will link here the public album I have started on my cosplay page!
(The photos below are all from Fan Expo 2014 in Toronto, where everything was made by me including my gun. The profile shot of me with the Asari Acolyte heavy pistol, which was made by Zach Pickard at Quantum Entanglement Props, is the newest photo of me with a newer wig cut and styled myself.)
I will say this: it took a lot of freaking work. I knew I was going off the deep end with this one, but I had no idea it would be THAT deep. I, for one, had never sewed a bodysuit and leggings before, so that was an experience in testing my patience. I had also never made anything three-dimensional like armour before. Then I had to paint it all after figuring out how to make it stay on my body…
Definitely the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to make, but the feeling I got after completing it was well worth it ten-fold. I would make this armour again and again, knowing I could only make it better each time. It’s seriously an addiction… a time-consuming and possibly expensive addiction, but rewarding nonetheless.
What I got out of the almost year-long ordeal was that I had successfully set my mind to do something and I finished it! Not an easy task when anxiety is constantly chipping away at my determination and undermining my own abilities. I learned a lot about myself. I learned even more by sharing my experience with other Mass Effect fans (some of whom are now my friends) at Fan Expo 2014 and online. The amount of self-confidence and pride I felt after completing and cosplaying as Commander Shepard was beyond anything I’ve felt before. I love how therapeutic cosplay has been for me, being Commander Shepard in costume. It has changed me for the better and reminded myself that I am capable of many thing.
What I also love about cosplay is that it comes in so many different degrees of crazy dedication, and they’re all equally valid forms of self-expression. You can be someone who just stumbled upon a costume that made you feel really good, leaving it at that. Or you can be someone who has dedicated all their free time and energy into a fictional world only to bring it to life in one of the most honest modes of self-expression and love: cosplay.
I wouldn’t take back all the late nights, swearing, laughing, blisters, blood, sweat, and tears for the world.
