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There Are So Many Cool Items in the Hollywood Strike Auction but We’re Most Obsessed With the Fake Ones

I don't care if these are fake, just take my money!

Animated man angrily waves money on 'Futurama.'

It’s hard to believe the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes are still going on. Although some smaller studios have met the extremely reasonable demands of the unions, the AMPTP has yet to make moves to end the strike. The longer it drags on, the more support the striking workers need. To help with living costs, including healthcare, celebrities are auctioning off time or small items to fans with the proceeds going to the union charity.

Some of the items are what you would expect from a celebrity charity auction, like a signed apron from The Bear or a fedora owned by legendary musician Tom Waits. Other things border on strange, yet they are very exciting. For a winning bid, Natasha Lyonne will help you solve a crossword! Or Adam Scott will walk your dog. John Lithgow will paint a picture of your dog for the right price.

These are so fun and are for a good cause. Yet, as with all things on the internet, hilarious parody auction items have also been flooding our feeds. Let’s look at some of the best ones that we wish were real.

It’s all for a good cause

Some of the highlights of these fictional auction items include a starring contest with Cillian Murphy, Toni Collette yelling at you from across a table, and Mindy Kaling confirming/denying if B.J. Novak is the father of her children. These are things fans desperately want.

I think many folks would pool their money together to know what exactly is going on with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.

There are two different listings for getting the behind-the-scenes details about the Don’t Worry Darling drama. One is with Chris Pine, who I think will tell you everything accurately. The other is with Florence Pugh over a “boozy” lunch that sounds like a dream come true.

How many people will chip in to get Vin Diesel to say we are family?

Paul Rudd’s skincare routine is worth at least $5k.

I’m not the biggest fan of Ben Affleck, yet I would pay good money to smoke a stress cigarette with him. The meme of him smoking while looking completely done has become an icon of a generation. It would be a chance to recreate history!

Any fan of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia would love to drink with the crew, even though they are awful human beings.

Lord of the Rings fans would have a couple of options to pick from. Like getting a chance to tell Aragorn actor Viggo Mortensen how he broke his toe when he kicked the orc helmet. This would save us time from blurting it out to anyone who will listen. Dominic Monaghan will also shout at you in a fake German accent about wigs.

Fans would love to fall asleep on a Facetime call with Daniel Kaluuya. It would probably be awkward for him, but it’s all for a good cause.

I’ll just write a blank check for Oscar Isaac to read me a bedtime story for three nights in a row.

Or maybe the Pedro Pascal Oscar Isaac combination is a better deal for my money?

Which auction item do you wish were real?

This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the work being covered here wouldn’t exist.

(featured image: 20th Century Fox)

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D.R. Medlen (she/her) is a freelance pop culture writer at The Mary Sue. After finishing her BA in History, she finally pursued her lifelong dream of being a full-time writer in 2019. She expertly fangirls over Marvel, Star Wars, and historical fantasy novels (the spicier the better). When she's not writing or reading, she lives that hobbit-core life in California with her spouse, offspring, and animal familiars.