The Mary Sue

Posts by Andrew Cedotal

Is the XBox a “Sex Box”? Denver Reporter Asks All the Tough Questions

First: no. But according to a sensationalist Denver 'news' report on the aforementioned 'sex box,' "XBOX live, Play Station 3 and even Wii have become a sexual predator's playground." On the basis of footage gathered from a camera crew's expedition into what appears to be all of two Denver households, a budget- and talent-strapped local news affiliate has once again managed to approach gaming from the hoariest perspective possible: That if unsuspecting American parents allow their children to approach any electronic device more complicated than a Tiger Handheld, sexual sex predators will reach their slimy sex tentacles through the fiber-optic cables running into your house and sex them. With sex.

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Dungeons & Dragons Finally Gives Up On Steampunk, Doubles Down on High Fantasy

Wizards of the Coast has announced the setting of its newest Dungeons & Dragons living campaign series, which, for those of you don't know, allows thousands of gamers to participate in related tabletop events at gaming stores across the country. Is it set in Greyhawk, the original D&D setting from 1980? Or Eberron, the quasi-steampunk setting of questionable necessity?

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Oh, Good Lord: The Trailer for the Playstation Reality Show is Out

So someone at Sony corporate thought it would be a good idea to create a reality show based on the mini-industry of game testing for the Playstation. The good parts -- Hal Sparks! -- and the bad parts -- a bunch of sallow Sony executives in open-collared shirts! -- are in the new trailer below.

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There Goes Your Work Day: Civilization Now Available in Browsers, on iPhone

Today was going to be MMO-focused, what with the launch of Star Trek Online and the debut of our associated Power Grid, but an unexpected deluge of Civilization-related news has turned this into Civ Day (or...We Love the King Day?)

Anyway: FreeCiv, the open-source member the Civilization family, is now available for free, in your browser. Forget Battlefield: Heroes and browser Quake -- this is how the twenty-something creative underclass should be wasting its daylight hours.

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Privatized? No Sweat! U.S. Space Program Should Steal Ideas From Video Games

Now that the U.S. space program is being told to rely on private enterprise for crucial programs such as the Space Shuttle and Moon missions, our nation is going to have to find better reasons to heave men skyward than mere "scientific discovery." But the most likely solution is already woven into the very fabric of our national culture! Now that progress is out the window, what could be more American than voyaging to the stars in search of filthy, void-tainted lucre? We here at Geekosystem believe firmly that both N.A.S.A. and private companies should look to video games for models on how to monetize mankind's outward urge. Humans have been piloting imaginary spacecraft through the digital aether since way before they began exploiting space for pecuniary advantage; below are some of the ideas our best and brightest video games designers have dreamed up over the years.

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Facebook’s “Foursquare Killer:” Now Mom Will Know Exactly When You’re Getting Wasted

With the recent launch of Twitter's Geolocation API, every social startup worth its rackspace has been moving in the direction of locational applications. Now, Nicholas Carlson at Silicon Alley Insider seems to have inside confirmation that Facebook is working on adding capabilities for "checking into" to physical locations through its mobile service. Will parents soon know every time a college freshman hits up a frat party? Will your boss question your frequent trips to the free clinic? Will your significant other notice your repeated, um, "visits" to their best friend's apartment?

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iPad’s Apple A4 “CPU:” Fused Lump of Raw Power, or Half-Assed Hardware Abomination?

Details about Apple's tablet release are coming fast and furious, and no part of the announcement has hardware mavens buzzing more than news that the device will be running on the Apple A4 "CPU". Is the A4 the next generation of mobile processing technology -- as Apple claims -- or is it, as some bloggers are grumbling, "LEGO approach" to building a chip?

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4chan Adds Six New Boards; Moot Resigns Himself to Further Chaos

Howwwww un4chanate (never, ever, ever work-safe) -- commonly known as "the primordial soup from which Internet memes emerge," "that place that all of those Scientology protesters come from," and "the worst site on the Internet," has added six new message boards, including ones dedicated to advice, 3D modeling, and...literature? Moot, creator of 4chan and unwilling Kerensky to the site's roiling, extremist proletariat, announced the new boards in typically derisive fashion:

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Why Doesn’t Apple Broadcast Their Media Events Live?

Chalk it up to the 'jealous blogger' syndrome; while our counterparts at Gizmodo, Engadget, Slashgear, Ars Technica, and gdgt get to cover the unveiling of the iPad live and repeatedly tease us with tantalizing dispatches from the land of One Infinite Loop, the rest of the blogosphere has to wait with its nose pressed against the glass for the tiniest glimpse of today's unveiling. And it's not just bloggers: given the way the iPad revelation seemingly ground Twitter to a standstill, there were plenty of interested civilians as well. Why does Apple do to this to us? Is it part of Guy Kawasaki's original secret manual for emotionally abusing fanboys until they harden into dead-eyed full-fledged Product Evangelists?


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Cheeky, Tech-Savvy Artist Creates Sculpture That Auctions Itself Off On eBay

Seattle's Lawrimore Project Gallery is currently exhibiting a work by artist Caleb Larsen which, whenever connected to the Internet, automatically auctions itself off on eBay. The sculpture, titled "A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter" (a loathsomely hipster appellation, but what can you do?) comes with an ethernet cable and an agreement stipulating that it must be connected to the Internet at all times. If it is ever connected when an Ebay auction for itself it not in progress, it begins a new one. And considering that the bidding is up to $4,250 as of this writing the artist's claim to have created an "eternal transactional flux" seems to be accurate.

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Bill Gates Now Well Into Fourth Decade of Semi-Adorable Public Awkwardness

Guest of a Guest has posted pictures of Bill Gates attending (is wallflower a verb?) a party at Sundance. Maybe he's enjoying the Vistas out there in Park City? Maybe he did a few command lines off of a a mirror, with models? Maybe ... oh, screw it. Awwwwww! He's totally adorable, you guys!

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Sun’s CEO Kneels on Calfskin Before Oracle, Prays Silently as Scimitar Whistles Downward

My Little Pony Tails
Sun Microsystems' CEO, Jonathan Schwartz, is stepping down, according to John Paczkowski of AllThingsD. This comes just before this Wednesday's announcement of Oracle's master plan for its newly acquired fief. As the impending takeover begins to look less like an acquisition and more like an annexation,what does it mean for the State of the Tech World?

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Fred Wilson: Soon, There May Again Be Enough Money to Fund Your Awful Startup Idea

An Unseeing Eye, Lidded with FlameFred Wilson, reigning mandarin of the NYC startup scene and possessor of the world's most unsettling favicon (see left!), is publicly floating the idea that the recession-induced contraction of venture capital markets might soon be over. We here at Geekosystem would like to break down what that means for you, the average citizen of the Internet!

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Secondary Market for Game Licenses to Launch; Steam to Become Crowded, Peddler-Ridden Bazaar

A UK company named Green Man Games is planning to launch a market for buying and selling used licenses for downloadable video game titles. One small problem - if publishers haven't been convinced by decades of piracy to loosen their grip on legacy titles, who's going to convince them now?

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Is Bolt Bus Using the Logo of a British Fascist Party?

Or did it just pick the world's worst creative agency?

More or less everyone who has lived or traveled in the Northeastern U.S. knows about Bolt Bus. The line - a joint venture between Greyhound and Peter Pan bus lines - isn't quite as cool as the Moon buses from The Cat Who Walks Through Walls, but with free wi-fi, "generous seat pitch" (although some of us would prefer generous seat yaw and roll as well, thank you), and $1 tickets, they're the perfect frugal choice for attending cons, visiting friends, and desperately maintaining ill-advised long-distance relationships.

But we here at Geekosystem have been wondering something rather disturbing: But we here at Geekosystem have been wondering something rather disturbing: Does Bolt Bus know it's using the logo of a 20th-century British fascist party?

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Are Savegames a One-Way Ticket to the Fiery Bowels of Hell?

I Hope They Support Radeon Cards in Hell Oh, wow, the social science boffins over at Terra Nova have stumbled across a blog post by a Catholic priest claiming that the presence of save/reload options in video games is eroding the spiritual fiber of young men and women. Wait a minute. The video game industry churns out horrors like Japanese rape simulators and games which depersonalize the deaths of millions, and the best thing religious types can find to criticize is...a feature that lets gamers get up and go to the bathroom?

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