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Woman Dressed as Vagina Protects Man Dressed as Penis in Most Surreal Street Fight Ever [NSFW]

Sure, your theater friends are weird, but when's the last time one of them got in a fight while dressed like a giant penis? It's probably been, like, months since that happened.

sexedGlastonbury, England is home to a thriving theatrical community of dancers, actors, circus performers, and all around flamboyant weirdos. Apparently living there during the right time of year is like being an extra at the end of Blazing Saddles right before the pie fight — everyone’s out in the street wearing ridiculous costumes like it’s no big deal and nobody takes umbrage. Well, nobody but the prudish townsperson who attacked an actor dressed as a giant penis while his performance art partner — dressed in a vagina costume, because of course she was — tried to diffuse the situation.

Chris Murray and Joanne Tremarco, who are players in the Nomadic Academy of Fools and who star as “Dick” and “Fanny” in one of the troupe’s featured productions, were outside the theater promoting the company’s Four Days for Play Festival. One passerby, though, found their attire to be unsuitable for public viewing and expressed his desire to protect the innocence of local children by loudly shouting a bunch of obscenities within earshot of those same children and then assaulting a man dressed as a penis.

“I could tell by his body language that he was really angry. I tried to calm him down, I wasn’t looking for a fight; but he grabbed my hat, tore it off and chucked it on the pavement,” said Murray, remaining surprisingly nonchalant following this violent hat circumcision. (Related: Violent Hat Circumcision is totally the name of my new Gwar cover band.)

After a police officer arrived on the scene to settle the matter, the genitalia-clad performers agreed not to do any more street performances lest they be faced with arrest for disrupting public order. Tremarco was quoted as saying that they did not wish to press charges against the man, and the plays continued without any trouble.

However, the Nomadic Academy’s website delivered quite a scathing commentary on the event this morning, suggesting that the perpetrator should be poisoned with aconite as punishment. Either that or they’re really big Harry Potter fans who suspect the man of being a werewolf and would like to treat his symptoms accordingly. This is England, so it’s hard to tell.

But wait, there’s more! We found some video of the costumes in question, because we love you. Here the actors appear to have switched roles, however — or maybe these are the parts they usually play and opted to with more traditional casting for the street version. Either way, “Dick” is kind of… well, a dick, huh. Hmmmm. Maybe the attacker just couldn’t handle the truthbombs these two were dropping. Just sayin’.

(via Central Somerset Gazette, image via flickr)

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