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  1. Bear Falls Through Skylight Into Boy’s First Birthday Party, Eats Hella Cupcakes

    Maybe my invitation got lost in the wooaaaaaaaaaaah!

    If you give a moose a muffin, he will probably want some jam, but if you don't invite a bear to a birthday party, he will devour all baked goods and cause extensive property damage. The Andrew W.K. of bears literally crashed a boy's first birthday party in Alaska last Saturday, simultaneously capturing cupcakes as well as my heart.

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  2. Sir Mix A Lot Performed Baby Got Bach Back with the Seattle Symphony

    Sadly, Becky was not in attendance.

    If for some reason you needed proof that Sir Mix-a-Lot's love letter to the derriere has become a respected cultural touchstone, here it is! This past weekend the poet of the posterior performed Baby Got Back with the Seattle Symphony, and damn...he did not have to ask for volunteer dancers twice.

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  3. Edible Mist Machine Lets You “Enjoy” All Your Favorite Foods Without Those Pesky Nutrients

    Have we learned nothing from Parks and Rec?

    Today in "things the Western World does that must infuriate the rest of the planet," UK inventor group Lick Me I'm Delicious has invented the Edible Mist Machine, a strange orb-like device that lets dieters sample the flavors of some of their favorite foods without actually eating them.

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  4. Netflix Bug Smashes Plot Descriptions Together, the Results Are Hilariously Weird

    Congratulations, Netflix, you just wrote fan fiction!

    If you use Netflix, you may have noticed that the content recommended to you lately has sounded...well, a little off. A bug has been melding the summaries for some adjacent titles together since December, but honestly I'm disappointed the descriptions were just the result of a technical glitch. Some of these movies I would love to see.

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  5. You’re Not Truly Relaxed Until a Python Named Walter Gives You a “Massage”

    "Let's start with the neck..."

    Imagine: you walk into a spa, prepared to get a nice relaxing rubdown, and what does your masseur turn out to be but a 20 foot Burmese python?! Total chill-killer, right? Maybe not -- apparently visitors to the Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines just love being buried under a pile of snakes.

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  6. Accident In South Carolina Causes Major Loss of Lasagna, Pastaggedon Imminent

    Something something Garfield something.

    Last Wednesday a tractor trailer full of lasagna collided with a slow-moving train in Gaffney, South Carolina. Both drivers were able to escape with their lives, but tragically an estimated oodle of noodles were not so lucky.

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  7. Geekolinks 5/20

    Who you gonna call in today's Geekolinks? Bat Murray, drinkable sunscreen, and Chewbacca's relationship with George R.R. Martin, of course!

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  8. Venture Capital Firm Appoints Robot to Board of Directors

    "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid we can't do casual Fridays anymore."

    Does your boss already act like a cold and ruthless machine? Better not complain to employees at Hong Kong based Deep Knowledge Ventures: the company recently appointed a computer to their board to voice opinions "not immediately obvious to humans" (like when to get that memo out about the singularity).

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  9. Dog Gets Bad Haircut, Walks Around Upright for Days in Indignation

    Whatever, dog, I've been doing that for years.

    If angry Pomeranian Jin Dan can teach us one thing, it's this: don't believe everything you read on the Internet, except when you really, really want to live in a world where it could be true.

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  10. Amazon Patented Taking Pictures In Front of a White Background

    Negative Space has been added to your cart

    The US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) is an easy punchline for jokes about bureaucratic inanity, but a recently-granted patent proves that reputation is deserved. Turns out Amazon has patented taking pictures in front of a white background, so I guess Shutterstock is doomed.

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