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United Kingdom

  1. Breaking News: Digestive Biscuits Have Chocolate On The Bottom, Not the Top

    Next you're going to tell me that french fries aren't actually Fre-- wait, what now?

    Leave it to the UK to name their cookies "digestives," right? It sounds like an unappetizing experience, but trust me when I saw that they're actually really delicious. Of course, as it turns out, I've been eating them wrong this entire time like the incompetent American heathen that I am. But that's okay: so has most of England.

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  2. One of Queen’s Swans Found BBQed Near Windsor Castle in England

    In other news, I might be psychic.

    You ever tell somebody a weird piece of trivia you know only to have it become a weirdly viral piece of news the next day? Because yesterday in an editorial meeting I happened to mention that it's illegal to eat a swan in England because they're all technically property of the Queen, and now we're finding out that somebody tried to do just that.

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  3. Proposed Internet Error 451 Would Warn Users of Government Censorship

    ERROR 451: Civil Rights Not Found

    Government censorship of the Internet is becoming more and more common, and in many cases blocked sites are indistinguishable from those that are just not working. That's why the Open Rights Group is proposing a "451 unavailable" error message to appear on those sites to let us know if we're living in a Bradburian dystopia.

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  4. 10 Pieces of British Slang I’d Like to See Adopted in America

    I watch a lot of British television. My wife just watched all of Downton Abbey in about a day, and I love Doctor Who so much that we named our daughter Amelia. We're two cultures separated by a common language, but the more British television I watch, the more envious I've become of some of their slang terms, and I'd like to see some of them adopted into American English so I can use them without sounding like a jerk who's just been watching too much BBC.

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  5. Report Suggests Kids Born Today Will Spend 25% Of Their Lives Looking At Screens

    How much time do you spend staring at a screen  on a daily basis? Probably not as long as your kids will, if there's anything to a new study released today, which found that kids in the United Kingdom will spend an average of 1/4 of their lives watching a screen of some sort. If that seems a little low to you -- and it does to us -- keep in mind that number isn't counting hours spent at work, where watching videos of cats being cute or people hurting themselves or cute cats hurting people is most prevalent, meaning that the real hours spent watching a TV, computer or phone screen will register somewhere around "all of them."

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  6. Horse Meat in a Little Frozen Food Doesn’t Mean All Frozen Food Has a Little Horse Meat, Says U.K. Food Agency

    There's been something of a fuss of late over horse meat being found in frozen foods in the United Kingdom. In some parts of the world, horse meat's a perfectly acceptable thing to dine on, but it's considered taboo in many others. In addition to that, there are certain rules and regulations that require food to be accurately labelled. Calling something that's between 60% and 100% horse meat "beef" is misleading at best. Even so, the U.K.'s Food Standards Agency assures us all that just because horse meat was found in a little frozen food, it doesn't mean all frozen food has a little horse meat.

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  7. Governments Behaving Badly: U.K. to Track Online Messaging, U.S. Allowed to Straight Bomb Citizens

    Want some creepy, Big Brother flavored news? The British government is mulling a plan that would riddle its telecommunication infrastructure with "probes" that could surreptitiously read and glean information from citizens' emails and Facebook messages. Any other day, that would be the most offensive and invasive thing done by any major world power to their citizens. The United Kingdom got a stroke of luck, though, releasing the report in the wake of a leak from the U.S. Department of Justice that outlined the circumstances in which the United States government can use a robot to rain fire from the sky on a U.S. citizen without due process. Which is...probably worse? Yeah, probably worse. No one is having a great day here, though.

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  8. Right in Our Wheelhouse: New British Citizenship Test Demands Knowledge of Monty Python

    The United Kingdom has updated it's citizenship test to better reflect a knowledge of the nation's history and culture, rather than practical skills in everyday life. Questions about whether you can use the Internet or know where you're water meter is, for example, have been replaced with trivia about everything from Margaret Thatcher and Stonehenge -- the U.K.'s two most famous rock formations --  to the work of British entertainers like The Beatles and Monty Python. We're really hoping that you can skip the whole exam in favor of doing a solo show of the entire Knights Who Say Ne bit, in which case we are soooooo in.

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  9. Nerdy British Children Rejoice: McDonald’s Offering Books in U.K. Happy Meals

    Instead of the usual cheap plastic toy, for the next five weeks McDonald's is offering children in the U.K. books with their Happy Meals. That probably means there are a lot of disappointed British children, but for the faction of nerdy little Britons who love books as much as we do, it's a banner day under the golden arches. During the promotion, McDonald's intends to give out one book with every Happy Meal they sell. If that's true, it will inadvertently make them the largest children's book distributor in the United Kingdom.

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  10. Killer Kitties: United Kingdom House Cats Threaten Local Bird Populations

    In a recent survey from across the pond that may dampen the Internet's unwavering devotion for funny felines, scientists have concluded that domestic cats in the United Kingdom are posing a serious threat to local bird populations, which has steadily declined over the years. Conservationists have since been trying to convince obstinate cat owners to be more mindful of their pet's hunting behavior and look into options that would prevent any more birds winding up dead on their doorsteps. If action to protect native bird species isn't taken soon, the U.K. is going to be known as the crazy cat lady of the world.

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