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United Kingdom

  1. Simulated Sex Protest Against UK’s New Restrictive Porn Laws Will Be Staged In London

    Hey, British Board of Film Censors: careful, now.

    Instead of a sit in, we're getting a facesitting. That's not a pithy joke, by the way. There is literally going to be a mass facesitting in Westminster. Bring your friends.

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  2. New UK Legislation Bans Female Ejaculation, Facesitting, Some BDSM From Streaming Porn

    I'll tell you where you can stick that legislation.

    Terrible news, UK porn watchers: unless your favorite British-run streaming service can ensure that its kinkier fare "is made available in a manner which secures that persons under the age of 18 will not normally see or hear it," it's about to get censored right off your Internet—and apparently, "female ejaculation" counts.

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  3. UK Lawmaker Proposes Maximum Two-Year Prison Sentence for Online Trolling

    An appropriate follow-up to all the GamerGate crap that just won't die—and CelebGate—man, it's just been a really bad few months, hasn't it?—if one UK lawmaker has his way, engaging in online harassment could land you in prison for up to two years.

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  4. Breaking News: Digestive Biscuits Have Chocolate On The Bottom, Not the Top

    Next you're going to tell me that french fries aren't actually Fre-- wait, what now?

    Leave it to the UK to name their cookies "digestives," right? It sounds like an unappetizing experience, but trust me when I saw that they're actually really delicious. Of course, as it turns out, I've been eating them wrong this entire time like the incompetent American heathen that I am. But that's okay: so has most of England.

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  5. One of Queen’s Swans Found BBQed Near Windsor Castle in England

    In other news, I might be psychic.

    You ever tell somebody a weird piece of trivia you know only to have it become a weirdly viral piece of news the next day? Because yesterday in an editorial meeting I happened to mention that it's illegal to eat a swan in England because they're all technically property of the Queen, and now we're finding out that somebody tried to do just that.

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  6. Proposed Internet Error 451 Would Warn Users of Government Censorship

    ERROR 451: Civil Rights Not Found

    Government censorship of the Internet is becoming more and more common, and in many cases blocked sites are indistinguishable from those that are just not working. That's why the Open Rights Group is proposing a "451 unavailable" error message to appear on those sites to let us know if we're living in a Bradburian dystopia.

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  7. 10 Pieces of British Slang I’d Like to See Adopted in America

    I watch a lot of British television. My wife just watched all of Downton Abbey in about a day, and I love Doctor Who so much that we named our daughter Amelia. We're two cultures separated by a common language, but the more British television I watch, the more envious I've become of some of their slang terms, and I'd like to see some of them adopted into American English so I can use them without sounding like a jerk who's just been watching too much BBC.

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  8. Report Suggests Kids Born Today Will Spend 25% Of Their Lives Looking At Screens

    How much time do you spend staring at a screen  on a daily basis? Probably not as long as your kids will, if there's anything to a new study released today, which found that kids in the United Kingdom will spend an average of 1/4 of their lives watching a screen of some sort. If that seems a little low to you -- and it does to us -- keep in mind that number isn't counting hours spent at work, where watching videos of cats being cute or people hurting themselves or cute cats hurting people is most prevalent, meaning that the real hours spent watching a TV, computer or phone screen will register somewhere around "all of them."

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  9. Horse Meat in a Little Frozen Food Doesn’t Mean All Frozen Food Has a Little Horse Meat, Says U.K. Food Agency

    There's been something of a fuss of late over horse meat being found in frozen foods in the United Kingdom. In some parts of the world, horse meat's a perfectly acceptable thing to dine on, but it's considered taboo in many others. In addition to that, there are certain rules and regulations that require food to be accurately labelled. Calling something that's between 60% and 100% horse meat "beef" is misleading at best. Even so, the U.K.'s Food Standards Agency assures us all that just because horse meat was found in a little frozen food, it doesn't mean all frozen food has a little horse meat.

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  10. Governments Behaving Badly: U.K. to Track Online Messaging, U.S. Allowed to Straight Bomb Citizens

    Want some creepy, Big Brother flavored news? The British government is mulling a plan that would riddle its telecommunication infrastructure with "probes" that could surreptitiously read and glean information from citizens' emails and Facebook messages. Any other day, that would be the most offensive and invasive thing done by any major world power to their citizens. The United Kingdom got a stroke of luck, though, releasing the report in the wake of a leak from the U.S. Department of Justice that outlined the circumstances in which the United States government can use a robot to rain fire from the sky on a U.S. citizen without due process. Which is...probably worse? Yeah, probably worse. No one is having a great day here, though.

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