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snakes

  1. Australian Cosplayer’s Stormtrooper Armor Stops Snakebite

    Of COURSE this was in Australia.

    "What kind of person creates armor that restricts the soldier's vision so much?" you ask idly, watching extras shuffle around in stormtrooper outfits. "ONE THAT UNDERSTANDS THE BEST GUARD AGAINST THE SERIOUS THREAT OF SPACE SNAKES," I interject, "IS CONSTANT VIGILANCE."

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  2. Discovery Channel Promises to Stop Ruining Science With Ratings Grabs Like Eaten Alive

    Maybe we can have nice things?

    Discovery isn't going to do any more fake shark/dudes not getting eaten by snakes ratings grabs anymore; they're going to get back to nature and science! Or, if you're one of the people who regularly tell us how wrong we are about megalodon, Discovery is quitting science forever! Take your pick. Choose wisely.

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  3. In Obvious Cry For Help, Discovery To Air Show About Man In “Snake-Proof Suit” Being “Eaten Alive” By An Anaconda

    *snaps her jaw back in place*

    INTERNET! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND HELP ME PROCESS WHAT MY EYEBALLS ARE SEEING RIGHT NOW!

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  4. You’re Not Truly Relaxed Until a Python Named Walter Gives You a “Massage”

    "Let's start with the neck..."

    Imagine: you walk into a spa, prepared to get a nice relaxing rubdown, and what does your masseur turn out to be but a 20 foot Burmese python?! Total chill-killer, right? Maybe not -- apparently visitors to the Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines just love being buried under a pile of snakes.

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  5. Relax, Science Has Found That Missing Nightsnake (And it Wasn’t Under Your Bed)

    Should I be reassured? I'm not.

    The case of the Clarion Nightsnake (absolutely not pictured above) is somewhat of a controversy in the snake-expert community. The eighteen inch nocturnal species was discovered in the first half of the 19th century and then struck from the scientific record, only slithering back into the public eye after its rediscovery was announced last Friday.

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  6. Yellow-Bellied Sea Snakes Can Endure Months of Severe Dehydration

    "I have been told of a certain sea snake which has a very unusual method..."

    We are not as cool as most aquatic animals with the ability to filter saltwater and provide ourselves with fresh drinking water whenever needed. Even though the assumption is that most sea creatures, like turtles, have this awesome ability, it turns out that yellow-bellied sea snakes have one that's quite rare: surviving severe dehydration.

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  7. Science Has Figured Out The Mystery Of Flying Snakes, Oh Also Snakes Can Fly

    How do you say, "Flying snakes will kill everything you love" in Parseltongue?

    In case you were sleeping well at night, not at all afraid of giant serpents slingshotting through your bedroom window - surprise! There are a whole bunch of snakes that can fly, and we've had no idea how. Luckily, these snakes are mostly in Southest Asia, and scientists have just figured out their secret. It's not Slytherin-related. Probably.

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  8. Just When You Thought it Was Safe: Disembodied Snake Heads Can Function, Bite Themselves

    Your nightmare fuel for the day!

    Not too long ago we learned that turtles can live happy healthy lives with two heads, and now we know that a snake's head will bite its body right before dying. If you didn't think snakes could be more horrifying, check out this video and get ready to be proven wrong. I highly suggest listening to "Snake Eater" while watching.

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  9. Bathrooms Around the World Pretty Much Under Attack by Wild Animals

    When Animals Attack is making a comeback, probably to a bathroom near you.

    The one room in the home that most people can count on for a little privacy has in recent weeks become a nightmare place. Animal attacks, once one of many good reasons to avoid going outside, have moved into bathrooms around the world. In Israel, the latest attack saw a man minding his own business at a toilet rudely interrupted when a snake bit his penis, which might be the only situation to occur in a men's room that is more awkward than that guy who tries to start a conversation while you're both taking a leak.

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  10. Python Challenged: Massive Florida Snake Hunt Nets Just 50 Snakes in One Month

    It's starting to look like it's possible that Florida's much-ballyhooed invasion by ravening hordes of Burmese pythons may have been a bit overblown. While officials cry out that hundreds of thousand the animals are invading the state, turning places like the Everglades into nothing more than enormous python spas, a month long python hunt in the state just came to a close telling a different story. 30 days of hunting by as many as 1,500 people registered snake hunters out to bag the most pythons netted an unexpectedly low total catch -- just 50 snakes.

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