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  1. Hypochondriacs Rejoice! Scanadu Tricorder Will Obsessively Monitor All Your Bodily Functions Next Year

    Think you have a cold but can't prove it? Sifting through WebMD until you convince yourself you have cancer is so last year. With the soon to be launched Scanadu Scout, you'll be able to keep track of all your vital signs right through a convenient smartphone app that acts as a grim reminder of your delicate mortality. The days of having to go 5 minutes without knowing exactly what your blood pressure is are over, and we can feel the stress driving our blood pressure up already. So if the phrase "It's like having a doctor in your pocket" titillates you rather than filling you with creeping dread, this may be a wonderful thing for you to purchase and then lose sleep staring at forever.

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