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  1. Update: Sex Geckos on Russian Space Satellite All Reported Dead

    This isn't very sexy at all.

    If you, like us, have been gleefully following the story of the fornicating gecko-filled satellite that briefly lost contact with Earth a few months ago, then we've got bad news for you: According to Roskosmos space agency, all the geckos on the satellite have gone to that big lizard orgy in the sky.

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  2. John Oliver Celebrates Humanity’s Triumph Over Sexy Lizards With #WeGotThoseGeckos

    Today, we are canceling the apocalypse!

    Here is John Oliver with the definitive update on humanity's recapture of the randy reptile receptacle.

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  3. Russia’s Sexy Space Geckos Memorialized Forever In Fantastic Poster

    Teeny-tiny Gecko voices: "You can't take the skies from us!"

    Last week we brought to your attention the most important thing to happen to journalism since Johannes Gutenberg cobbled together the printing press: Russia sent a quintet of geckos into space to study the effects of zero-gravity on lizard boinking (ooooh yeah), the reptilian Romeos mutinied (that's the story I'm going with) and satellite Foton-M4 and its copulating cargo went rogue.

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  4. Real-Life Headline Alert: Russia Has Lost Control Of a Sex Satellite Filled With Geckos

    Don't go getting any bright ideas, astronauts.

    Last Saturday Russia's Institute of Medico-Biological Problems launched a Foton-M4 satellite filled with five geckos into orbit so that the people of earth would know how reptile booty is impacted by zero-gravity. Unfortunately, the cold-blooded casanovas had a different plan: due to a technical glitch (or possible mutiny) the orbiting orgy has gone rogue.

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  5. NASA Giving Citizens Free Reign Over “Retired” Spacecraft

    With great space power comes great space responsibilities.

    Yesterday NASA announced that for the first time ever the rights to a spacecraft have been signed over to a group of private citizens scientists. In the coming months, 35 year old satellite ISEE-3 will be re-contacted and, if possible, pulled out of its retirement orbit for non-agency missions.

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  6. European Satellite’s Fall from Orbit Was Harmless, Proving We Can Do Math

    We do so love being right.

    To the Internet's credit, no one seemed all that concerned about the European Space Agency's falling satellite over the weekend, despite Fox News running a headline that it might land in your backyard and telling you who to sue. It burned up harmlessly in the atmosphere as expected—the satellite, not Fox News. Sorry.

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  7. A Satellite Will Fall from Orbit over the Weekend, Please Don’t Overreact, Internet

    Yes, we're aware that asking the Internet not to overreact is like asking the satellite not to fall.

    The European Space Agency is expecting the Gravity Field and Steady-State Ocean Circulation Explorer to fall out of orbit this weekend after hanging out up there since 2009. We are expecting people to freak out and worry that one ton of science is going to fall on their heads. Spoiler: it's not, and we've got the math to prove it.

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  8. New Pictures and Video of the Juno Satellite as It Flew by Earth on Its Way to Jupiter

    We sent a satellite to take pictures of interesting things in space and then took pictures of it.

    NASA's Juno mission used the Earth's gravity and orbit earlier this month to fling a solar powered satellite all the way out to Jupiter. While it's out there, it should be able to teach us some pretty great things about the solar system, but its Earth flyby was pretty cool to see all by itself.

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  9. Aw, Too Bad: North Korea’s Satellite is Probably Already Dead

    Well, that didn't last long. In what we have to assume is karmic payback for lying about unicorns, the satellite that North Korea launched into orbit last week is already dead, says a Harvard astronomer. North Korea is calling the launch a big victory for leader Kim Jong Un and their space program, but it seems like they haven't been as successful as they initially thought. Reports say that the object is tumbling and that so far, no signals have been detected coming from the washing machine-sized satellite -- which upon further review, may well turn out to actually just be a washing machine. Too bad, guys. Better luck next time.

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  10. You Can Now Interact With That Beautiful Map of the Earth at Night

    Last week we showed you a new series of NASA satellite photographs of the Earth at night. They were gorgeous, but what if you wanted to see what a specific place on Earth looked like at night? Now you can! It looks like Google went and overlaid the satellite images on top of their map service, and now it's searchable. Type in your address and see what your region of the world looks like at night.

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