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Russia

  1. Sorry, ISS. Russian Space Agency Considering Creating Its Own Space Station Again

    Probably with a Little Rascals-esque "No U.S. Allowed" sign on the door.

    Russian officials have been talking about leaving everyone at the ISS hanging for a while, but now the head of Roscosmos, the Russian Federal Space Agency, has confirmed they're considering their own new space station as a possibility.

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  2. Eye of Sauron Installation in Russia Halted Because the World Is Joyless and/or Orthodox Church Criticism

    ♪ We could've had it aaaaaaaaaaaaaall ♪

    I may be only a moderate Lord of the Rings/Tolkien fan, but I am a massive "Eye of Sauron hovering ominously over Moscow" fan. The Orthodox Church of Russia doesn't quite see... eye to eye with me on that one, and they're ruining it for everyone.

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  3. Update: Sex Geckos on Russian Space Satellite All Reported Dead

    This isn't very sexy at all.

    If you, like us, have been gleefully following the story of the fornicating gecko-filled satellite that briefly lost contact with Earth a few months ago, then we've got bad news for you: According to Roskosmos space agency, all the geckos on the satellite have gone to that big lizard orgy in the sky.

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  4. If You Sign a Mortgage in Russia, This Bank Will Lend You a Cat

    Now with zero purrcent interest!

    Russia is currently facing a mortgage market boom, and banks in the region are doing whatever they can to capitalize on the increased interest (pun not intended) in home ownership. One way to do it? Let people borrow a cat to play with in their new apartment or house. Seems like a pretty dumb reason to buy a house, Russ—oh no ahh, they're so cute! Never mind, I'm on board.

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  5. John Oliver Celebrates Humanity’s Triumph Over Sexy Lizards With #WeGotThoseGeckos

    Today, we are canceling the apocalypse!

    Here is John Oliver with the definitive update on humanity's recapture of the randy reptile receptacle.

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  6. Russia’s Sexy Space Geckos Memorialized Forever In Fantastic Poster

    Teeny-tiny Gecko voices: "You can't take the skies from us!"

    Last week we brought to your attention the most important thing to happen to journalism since Johannes Gutenberg cobbled together the printing press: Russia sent a quintet of geckos into space to study the effects of zero-gravity on lizard boinking (ooooh yeah), the reptilian Romeos mutinied (that's the story I'm going with) and satellite Foton-M4 and its copulating cargo went rogue.

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  7. Real-Life Headline Alert: Russia Has Lost Control Of a Sex Satellite Filled With Geckos

    Don't go getting any bright ideas, astronauts.

    Last Saturday Russia's Institute of Medico-Biological Problems launched a Foton-M4 satellite filled with five geckos into orbit so that the people of earth would know how reptile booty is impacted by zero-gravity. Unfortunately, the cold-blooded casanovas had a different plan: due to a technical glitch (or possible mutiny) the orbiting orgy has gone rogue.

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  8. Forget Trampolines, US Senate Panel Dedicating $100 Million To Build Rocket Engine

    Shoot for the moon, guys, and even if you miss maybe you can still get to the ISS!

    In the wake of deteriorating Russian-American relations, the Senate's Armed Service Committee announced a bill yesterday that would budget $100 million to the development of a US-made rocket engine. Man, wouldn't it be awesome if space exploration received this kind of funding without all the international conflict?

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  9. Congress Asks NASA If the International Space Station Is in Trouble Over U.S.-Russian Relations

    "You kids behave yourselves, or I will turn this space station right around and go home." —Russia

    Hey, we're not the only ones concerned that Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin has been slinging insults and making threats that Russia will just leave everyone else with a crippled ISS in 2020! Congress must have heard what was going on, because they asked NASA if it's more than just a threat.

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  10. Russia Threatens to Pull out of the ISS Over Politics, Good Luck Opening the Pod Bay Doors Without Them, NASA

    This is getting dangerously close to "I know you are, but what am I?" and inter-space agency slap fights.

    Dmitry Rogozin, head of the space and defense industry, told NASA where they could shove it that they could use a trampoline to get to the ISS, because Russia is sick of helping us if we're going to sanction them. Now, he's talking about pulling out of the ISS early and rendering it pretty much useless.

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