You can try to be too cool for Valentine's Day all you like, but it's going to happen anyway, and you can't avoid it. You don't have to like it, because it's nearly impossible to like a 99% commercial holiday. But don't try to escape it, because there is no escape. It is a zombie out to get you, and it's here. (You were probably one of those "Was there some kind of game happening today?" people on Super Bowl Sunday. Guess what? Everyone knew that you knew there was a game that day.)
But in case there is still a tiny, microscopic neutron inside of you that feels an urge to do something, even something weird, snarky, or slightly mean, then here are some (mostly) printable Valentine's Day cards just for you, lovingly scraped from a few corners of the Web.