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Pope

  1. Good News, Space Heathens! The Pope Is Open to Baptizing Extra Terrestrials

    Mars needs Messiahs.

    You know all those really inspiring parts of the bible that talk about how Jesus loves the little aliens? No? Right, that's because they don't exist. But if Pope Francis has anything to say about it, any interested members of an unknown intelligent race of galaxy-traversing beings in search of a new religion are 100% welcome in the Catholic Church.

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  2. In Other News, Pope Francis Blessed A Parrot That Belongs to an Italian Erotic Film Star

    That's got to be a fetish somewhere.

    The Pope must go on some kind of autopilot when he's blessing stuff, right? After all, there are so many people trying to get his blessing that it's gotta be draining. So when Francis saw a green parrot at his general audience on Wednesday, of course he was gonna bless it, too. And in doing so, he set up the best headline we've heard all week.

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  3. Pope Poses Promptly in Personally-Pointed Photograph

    And lo, it was the most holy of all the selfies.

    Is it possible for an entire religion to jump the shark? I ask because on Wednesday the Pope posed with some very excited-looking young people (especially in comparison to the Pope) for a selfie that was then posted to Twitter. Yup. That happened.

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  4. Pope Quest: The Legend of Francis Shows Why No One’s Ever Made a Pope Video Game [Video]

    Yesterday, as the news of the Catholic Church electing their new pope, Pope Francis, was announced, a lot of people were probably wondering what the whole process of electing a pope would look like as a video game. Okay, probably not a lot of people, but at least one person thought that because they made this video that looks at the process as if it were a first-person shooter blesser. We give you Pope Quest: The Legend of Francis!

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  5. New Pope Announces Papacy Via Twitter, Enables Cruise Control for Cool

    The Holy Smoke Monster has spoken! Rather, the white smoke issuing from the Sistine Chapel announced that a new Pope has been chosen. But more importantly, the Bishop of Rome and successor of Saint Peter has returned to Twitter -- the modern-day proverbial mountain from which all things are shouted. And shout Pope Francis I does, with ALL CAPS, in tweet #1.

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  6. That Didn’t Last Long: Pope’s Twitter to Close Up Shop in Wake of Historic Resignation

    Benedict XVI, as we all know, is stepping down from the office of the Pope after nearly 600 years of no one doing that. But even more stunning -- brace yourself, Internet users! -- is the fact that the Pope is going to disconnect completely by not tweeting anymore. That's right, @pontifex will be shut down. But will anyone pick up the papal micro-blogging slack?

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  7. Does The Pope Quit in the Woods? Benedict XVI Resigns, Here’s What Happens Now

    Pope Benedict VXI has shocked the world by resigning this morning, citing the ravages of age and poor health that, he feels have begun to prevent him from carrying out the duties of the office. While the office of Pope is not necessarily a lifetime appointment, stepping down from the post is exceedingly rare, and has been unheard of for the last 600 years.  The 85-year-old pontiff will continue poping it up -- the technical term for serving as Holy Father of the Catholic Church -- until the end of the month, while the College of Cardinals convenes to find his successor. Here's how they'll do it.

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  8. Pope Kicks Ox, Donkey, And Singing Angels Out of Nativity Scene

    In what can be loosely termed breaking Bible history news, the Pope has stated that the long held nativity traditions of Jesus sharing his birth barn with donkeys and oxen are inaccurate, and also that the angels on hand to attend the birth of Christ did not sing. Which seems like kind of a bummer thing to say, really.  Then again, we assume that the Pope knows his stuff when it comes to the Bible. He is, after all, the Pope, and you don't get that silly hat by not knowing what was happening when the son of God came onto the scene.

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  9. The Pope Endorses Social Media

    This year’s annual message from the Pope for the Church’s World Day of Social Communications shows a surprisingly warm attitude towards social media, though the Pope warns against “enclosing oneself in a sort of parallel existence, or excessive exposure to the virtual world.” Pope Benedict XVI: In the digital world, transmitting information increasingly means making […]

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