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Pope Francis

  1. Stop Inviting Pope Francis to Facebook, He’s Never Going to Join

    Well, someone needs to play Words With Friends with me.

    If Pope Francis believes the Internet is a "gift from God," then Facebook is humanity's inevitable corruption of that gift. His Holiness said recently that he will not not be joining Facebook, because, you know, it's terrible—and even a special visit from the network's representatives couldn't sway him.

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  2. Good News, Space Heathens! The Pope Is Open to Baptizing Extra Terrestrials

    Mars needs Messiahs.

    You know all those really inspiring parts of the bible that talk about how Jesus loves the little aliens? No? Right, that's because they don't exist. But if Pope Francis has anything to say about it, any interested members of an unknown intelligent race of galaxy-traversing beings in search of a new religion are 100% welcome in the Catholic Church.

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  3. Pope Francis Meets To-Scale Chocolate Replica Of Himself

    The bar for Valentine's Day has been raised.

    What do you get the Pope that has everything? World peace, or alternatively a giant chocolate replica of himself.

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  4. In Other News, Pope Francis Blessed A Parrot That Belongs to an Italian Erotic Film Star

    That's got to be a fetish somewhere.

    The Pope must go on some kind of autopilot when he's blessing stuff, right? After all, there are so many people trying to get his blessing that it's gotta be draining. So when Francis saw a green parrot at his general audience on Wednesday, of course he was gonna bless it, too. And in doing so, he set up the best headline we've heard all week.

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  5. The Internet Is a Gift From God, You Guys. The Pope Says So

    That God guy just has to take credit for everything, huh?

    Pope Francis has been known to say crazy things, like how he doesn't need to talk about abortion and gay marriage all the time and that non-believers just need to try to obey their conscience. Madness. Now he's saying that the Internet is a gift from God, which makes me wonder if he's ever actually been on the Internet.

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  6. Pope Poses Promptly in Personally-Pointed Photograph

    And lo, it was the most holy of all the selfies.

    Is it possible for an entire religion to jump the shark? I ask because on Wednesday the Pope posed with some very excited-looking young people (especially in comparison to the Pope) for a selfie that was then posted to Twitter. Yup. That happened.

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  7. Pope Quest: The Legend of Francis Shows Why No One’s Ever Made a Pope Video Game [Video]

    Yesterday, as the news of the Catholic Church electing their new pope, Pope Francis, was announced, a lot of people were probably wondering what the whole process of electing a pope would look like as a video game. Okay, probably not a lot of people, but at least one person thought that because they made this video that looks at the process as if it were a first-person shooter blesser. We give you Pope Quest: The Legend of Francis!

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