comScore

Wait, what?

Looks like you came here from Geekosystem. Don't worry, everything is still here. We've just combined forces with The Mary Sue to bring you more and better content, all in one place.

penises

  1. Chemical Pollution Might Be Weakening Polar Bear Penises

    Thanks a lot, HUMANS.

    That's not a euphemism, by the way—I'm not saying that the chemicals are affecting the virility of the polar bear population (though they probably are). I'm saying that some scientists in Denmark think that pollutants have been literally causing polar bear dongles to lose their bone density over time. For real.

    Read More
  2. Science Says Lizard Penises Evolve at an Astounding Rate, Are Essentially Pokémon

    Highly-evolved genitalia is a good way to tell if someone's a lizard person. That, and if they unzip themselves out of their meat suit.

    In a study published last week in the Journal of Zoology, scientists have confirmed for the first time that Caribbean lizard dongs rise to the evolutionary occasion faster than any other lizard body part.

    Read More
  3. Things We Saw Today: Hasbro’s Replacement Play-Doh Penis Toy

    Thing that can't be unseen.

    After receiving numerous complaints regarding the questionably-shaped 'Extruder' toy included in Hasbro's new Cake Mountain Set, the company has replaced the phallic device with this new, larger model.

    Read More
  4. An Update: Play-Doh Is Redesigning The “Extruder” Toy That Looks Like a Penis

    Goodnight, sweet penis prince.

    Get your accidental penises while you can, folks. According to the official Play-Doh Facebook page—which, you'll no doubt remember, is currently full of complaints from people about how the icing extruder on their latest Cake Mountain playset looks like a penis—they've heard the various complaints and will update their toys in the future.

    Read More
  5. Penis-Shaped Play-Doh Toy Ruins Christmas for Uptight People Everywhere

    Since when is penis-making not Play-Doh 101?

    Play-doh had the hard job of doing some damage control on Facebook after what I can only assume was a cock-up in the design phase resulted in a plastic accessory looking less like the Cake Mountain icing maker it was supposed to be and more like a dil-doh.

    Read More
  6. Baby Born From A Transplanted Womb For First Time; Lab-Grown Penises May Soon Be Tested On Humans

    Nothing's more cuterus than a new uterus!

    Well done, science! In a development which has surprised even noted obstetricians, a 36-year-old Swedish woman has become the first ever person to give birth to a baby carried in a transplanted womb. The patient received the uterus from a 61-year-old who had already borne two children and gone through menopause.

    Read More
  7. Mental Floss Video Examines 20 Commonly-Held Misconceptions About Sex

    I did not know that about corn flakes.

    Mental Floss wants to clear a couple of things up about human anatomy and the purpose of one ubiquitous breakfast cereal.

    Read More
  8. Enter to Win a A Limited Edition Collector’s “Package” of Penis Museum Documentary The Final Member

    Competition will be stiff.

    Here's the firm truth: The Final Member is a documentary about penises. Or, well, the world's only penis museum. Even if you're not into weird science (or, for that matter, penises), it's still an excellent, surprisingly heartfelt film about identity, legacy, and obsession. And we're giving away a copy of the "Collector's 'Package,'" out today on DVD and Blu-ray from Drafthouse Films.

    Read More
  9. Tech Perverts, Your Dreams Have Come True: You Can Now Design And 3D Print Your Own Dildo

    Don't look scandalized. You're on the Internet.

    Gone are the days when everyone would sew their own clothes, build their own houses, or, in this case, whittle their own sex toys from wood they chopped down themselves. But if you're looking for just the perfectly tailored fake penis to pleasure yourself with, then take heart! You don't have to go to Etsy for that shit anymore.

    Read More
  10. While Filming Nude Wolverine Scene, Hugh Jackman Almost Lost His Little Cyclops

    Snikt

    According to a number of British outlets, Hugh Jackman's appearance on tonight's The Graham Norton Show will feature the actor's story of nearly significantly injuring himself while filming The Wolverine's nude fight scene. What I want to know is why none of you told me that The Wolverine had a nude fight scene.

    Read More
  11. A Guy Saved His Pet Tortoise With a Crowdfunded Penis Amputation

    What do you think the backer rewards are on something like that? Never mind. I don't want to know.

    A crowdfunded penis amputation might sound like the result of some kind of post-apocalyptic torture voting system, but for Cedric the tortoise, it is his ticket to a long, healthy life. You see, Cedric suffers from a giant penis, and his human owner had no choice but to turn to the Internet to save his dear, too-well-endowed friend's life.

    Read More
  12. Scientists Discover Female Insects With “Inflatable,” Spiny Penis

    Aren't most penises inflatable, technically? You know what? Probably better just not to think about it.

    In the animal kingdom, gender is decided along different rules from just who has what kind of situation going on in their pants, and science has found the first animal that has a penis on the female members of the species instead of the males. The female penis also does a lot more in the way of function than ones you might be more familiar with.

    Read More
  13. Documentary About World’s Only Penis Museum Is Reportedly a Tearjerker

    Better bring tissues to this sausage fest, pal.

    Much has been made of the Iceland Phallological Museum's search for a human penis to complete its collection--and now there's a documentary coming (ahem) to theaters this April that chronicles the museum's quest for one last endowment.

    Read More
  14. So Here’s An Interesting Thing About NASA Spacesuits And Penis Sleeve Sizes

    You're already an astronaut. No one cares how big it is. You already win.

    Everyone knows the male ego is fragile, especially when it comes to the size of their Cyclops. You know, their Sonic Screwdriver. Earthworm Jim. Whatever you call it, this rule applies to all guys; especially, apparently, to NASA astronauts, who were so concerned about the size of their Bilbo Bagginses that their own spacesuits suffered.

    Read More
  15. Man Draws 365 Dick Doodles for His Wife

    Now I know what love is.

    "In February 2013, my wife bought a white board. I told her I was going to draw penises on it every day." Thus begins this masterpiece of a video from the aptly titled Youtube user 365DaysofPenises, who kept his promise and uploaded the NSFW yet sweet results to the internet so we may all know what beauty his love has wrought.

    Read More
  16. The Oscar Statue Gets a Bit More Anatomically Correct in This Sketch From Above Average

    Count how many times they say "penis."

    Did you know the Oscar statue had a penis until the 1950s? Okay, that's not actually true, but it's the premise for this sketch from Above Average. In it, SNL's Tim Robinson plays a sculptor who is finally restoring the Oscar statue to its full, penis-having splendor... because of reasons?

    Read More
  17. Relax, Everyone, Female Sea Snails Are No Longer Growing Penises Due to Harmful Chemicals. Situation Normal

    Sure, chemical companies. It's all fun and games until someone grows a penis.

    Feel free to go about your normal lives again, everybody. Toxic chemicals are no longer causing female sea snails to grow penises, so you can rest easy tonight. If your reaction to that is, "Wait, at some point female sea snails were growing penises? What?" Congratulations, the Internet has not dulled your ability to find things surprising.

    Read More
  18. Is There a Llama Penis in This Children’s Corn Maze?

    This isn't even the weirdest Halloween attraction in Pennsylvania right now.

    Pennsylvania is stepping up its game when it comes to weird Halloween attractions this year. First there was the naked Haunted House, now someone cut a llama penis into the path of a children's corn maze at Wilcox Farms in Boyertown, PA. Was it just an unfortunate design? Take a look at a photo of the maze after the jump and decide for yourself.

    Read More
  19. Guppy Genitals Have Claws, So… Yeah… Genital Claws

    Do you like fish sticks?

    The world of guppy genitals has been called an "arms race" which sounds horrifying enough without the knowledge that male guppies have claws at the end of their genitals, but as it turns out they do. A new study looked at exactly what purpose the genital claws serve, and as you might imagine, it's a rather unpleasant one.

    Read More
  20. Drugs are Bad, Kids: Ohio Man Found Naked With Part of Penis Removed, Blames Mushrooms

    If this had come up D.A.R.E. classes when we were kids, drugs would no longer even exist.

    Having a tripmaster around -- more specifically, someone whose job it is to keep you from jumping out of windows when you do hallucinogens -- has sort of gone out of fashion since the heyday of '70s drug culture. If you ever decide to take mushrooms in the near future, though, you should probably have a friend there to keep an eye on you. Otherwise, you might end up like this guy in Columbus, Ohio who was found naked in a local Middle school after having ripped off part of his penis. Is it possible to feel empathetic phantom dick pains without ever having had one? I might be having those right now.

    Read More
© 2015 The Mary Sue   |   About UsAdvertiseNewsletterJobsContributorsComment PolicyPrivacyUser AgreementDisclaimerContact RSS

Dan Abrams, Founder
  1. Mediaite
  2. The Mary Sue
  3. Styleite
  4. The Braiser
  5. SportsGrid
  6. Gossip Cop