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monkeys

  1. Monkeys See Their Reflection & Immediately Check Out Their Butts Because of Course They Do

    Monkey see, monkey... ooh that's a fine ass!

    Yes, I know that's a chimpanzee, we have more important things to discuss. Monkeys' love of their own butts.

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  2. Jane Goodall And John Oliver Named Some Chimps On Last Week, Tonight [Video]

    Poo-throw Wilson is actually the name of my band.

    As part of his ongoing Great Minds: People Who Think Good series, John Oliver had Jane Goodall on his show last night to discuss giving a chimp a monocle (an absolute no, apparently), the most efficient way to eat a banana, and, of course, poo.

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  3. The Actual Odds of 100 Monkeys With Typewriters Randomly Outputting Hamlet: A Descent Into Madness

    Let's just say don't hold your breath for Monkey Hamlet.

    As the saying goes, "If you put 100 monkeys with typewriters in a room long enough, eventually you'll get Hamlet." But will you though? What are the actual odds of a monkey randomly replicating Hamlet. Let's use reason and my C+ in college statistics to figure this out.

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  4. If You Give A Monkey A Banana, You’re Actually a Terrible Enabler

    Bananas are a sometimes food, now.

    A British zoo has made the executive decision to stop giving its monkeys bananas all the time. But before you object, it's not because British people are against the idea of fun and joy. It's because bananas bred for human consumption are basically the monkey equivalent of cake, and it's adversely affecting the monkeys' health.

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  5. Monkeys Knocked Out Power Across the Country of Zambia, Prepare for the Monkey Revolution

    Is this viral marketing for the new Planet of the Apes movie?

    We've already addressed the squirrel menace, and the surprising frequency with which they knock out power here in the US, but it seems other countries have animal problems of their own. Monkeys knocked out all power in the country of Zambia recently. What are you planning, Zambian monkeys?

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  6. Touch Screens Are Calming to Monkeys, Children of the World Unsurprised

    You're not bribing your child with your smartphone; you're improving its social behavior.

    At Markwell Wildlife, a group of crested macaques participates in cognitive tests that they interact with through touch screens, and it seems to positively affect their behavior. We wonder if their behavior would continue to be so positive if they were forced to pause mid-test to eat dinner or go do a sports thing.

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  7. Close To 500 New Species Discovered In The Amazon, Including A Purring Cat-Monkey

    Ikea Monkey is so definitely jealous.

    Thanks to an intrepid team of scientists and the WWF, we know just a little bit more about our amazing planet. During a four-year expedition to the previously unexplored interior of the Amazon Rainforest, the team discovered 441 new species of life - including a purring monkey!

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  8. Research Suggests Altruism Doesn’t Exist, At Least in Humans and Primates

    Monkeys keep tabs on who owes them something, and you don't want to be in monkey-debt.

    Sharing is caring, but you're lying if you say you don't expect something in return, and science knows it. Researchers looked at 32 studies of primates and human foragers, and the evidence points to the fact that when sharing food, we want something out of it. Ass, gas, or bananas. Nobody rides for free.

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  9. Being Friendly May Help Monkeys Survive In Harsh Conditions

    Study in sociality means it's finally time to take a few survival tips from an endangered species.

    That need most of us have to bond with others? The drive to maintain a semblance of social acceptability when we would rather hide under the blankets in ratty pajamas binge watching Netflix? Turns out, it's not just good manners and a way to ensure regular showering -- it may also be an evolutionary trait that helps us survive tough times. A study of Barbary macaques in Northern Morocco suggests that natural selection may favor the ability to make social connections.

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  10. Monkey Feet May Be More Common in Humans Than Once Thought

    More people than you might think are walking around on flexible feet suited to climbing trees.

    Have you ever felt like walking on the ground is a fine way to get from point A to point B, but not really your thing? Can you identify a good climbing tree from a hundred paces? If so, you may have a condition known to medicine as "monkey feet."* Don't be embarrassed, though -- according to some recent studies, as many as 1 in 13 people around the world may have feet that didn't get the evolutionary memo about ground-based, bipedal locomotion and remain well-equipped for clambering up a tree at a moment's notice. 

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  11. Being Middle Management Sucks For Monkeys, Too

    The corporate ladder has a lot of rungs, but there are three basic places you can be on it: at the top, where you're making the rules, at the bottom where you've got nothing to lose, and everywhere else. Studies have shown that folks in that vast middle management hierarchy are generally the most stressed out people at a place of employment, and a recent study by the University of Manchester suggests that phenomenon might not be confined to humans working thankless white collar jobs. Monkeys in the middle of the social hierarchy -- those who aren't leaders, but aren't losers either -- seem to suffer more stress from the effects of unpleasant behavior while also getting less benefit from stress relievers like grooming,

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  12. Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Monkey Mob Attacks Indonesian Town, Injuring Seven People

    In a scene straight out of a horror movie, a mob of wild monkeys emerged from a forest in Indonesia and rampaged through a nearby village, leaving seven villagers injured, including one 16-year-old boy in critical condition after being badly bitten. Details on exactly what kind of monkeys made up the mob or what could have motivated them to attack are scarce, and it's not known yet if the primates are hyper-intelligent test subjects recently escaped from a shadowy government lab -- or just a bunch of jerks.

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  13. Say Hello to the IKEA Monkey’s Russian Cousin [Video]

    Remember that sharply dressed monkey gallivanting about a Canadian IKEA, putting employees and store patrons on edge? Course you do, how can anyone not remember something as poignant as that? Well, in an obvious push to dethrone North America as the world's preeminent purveyor and manufacturer for viral and productivity-killing videos, Russia has presented its own version of the aforementioned primate in a coat. As much as it pains us to admit this, Mother Russia's snow-loving simian might just exceed the IKEA monkey in the lose-your-mind-over-the-unbridled-cuteness department. Honestly, how do you expect the IKEA monkey to compete with a tail warmer and monkey-sized scarf?

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  14. Science Just Discovered a New Monkey; Meet the Lesula

    Pictured here looking for all the world like it just wants to hear about your day and maybe fix you a cup of tea, the lesula, or Cercopithecus lomamiensis, has been known to locals in the Democratic Republic of Congo for generations, but was only described by science this week in the journal PLos ONE. The study is the culmination of six year of work by an international team of researchers. That work, which ranged from tracking down lesula carcasses left behind by leopards to trapping live specimens for study to the comparatively simple job of sequencing and comparing DNA, has all paid off, marking the first discovery of a new primate species in Africa in 28 years.

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  15. Pigeons Have an Understanding of Numbers on Par With Primates

    When you think of "intelligent animals," pigeons are probably not the first thing that comes to mind. After all, they're just birds, how intelligent could they possibly be, right? Well, it looks like we, at least I, may not have been giving them the respect they deserve when I imagine how easy it would be to just kick one while walking down the street. No, it seems that pigeons can develop a grasp of the abstract concept of "numbers" just as well as many primates. It may not relate to their everyday lives, but they can still figure it out, which is pretty impressive.

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  16. Baby Monkeys Orphaned by Uninsulated Power Lines Are Tragic, Adorable

    While traveling in Costa Rica, filmmaker Todd Bieber did not find himself grappling with danger. Instead, he found himself utterly taken by the residents of a monkey sanctuary. Though extremely cute, many of these monkeys were either orphaned or injured on the country's numerous uninsulated power lines. But the tireless workers at the Nosara Wildlife Rescue have made it their mission to rehabilitate their guests, and help keep more monkeys from dying. It's a bit of a tear-jerker, but Bieber's short documentary about his trip and the Nosara rescue is well worth your time. See it, after the break.

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  17. A Million Virtual Monkeys Are About to Produce the Works of Shakespeare

    While many of you are probably familiar with the thought experiment about the infinite number of monkeys chained to an infinite number of typewriters eventually producing the works of Shakespeare, few of you have probably attempted this. Programmer Jesse Anderson, however, is giving it his best shot and his million-strong army of virtual monkeys are 99.990% through reproducing the Bard's corpus. Amazingly, they've only been at it since late August. There are a few middling differences between the thought experiment and Anderson's approach. First and foremost, Anderson's monkeys only exist on a computer in the form of software that produces random nine-character strings. Second, Anderson uses an evolutionary approach which saves only the worthwhile character strings and discards the rest. So instead of waiting for the single impossibly lucky monkey that just happens to bang out every word of Shakespeare, the monkeys are working together; chipping away nine characters at a time.

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  18. Geekolinks: 8/1

    $1,500 device intercepts cell phone calls (Newser) The world's largest photo: 70 gigapixel panorama of Budapest (Petapixel) The world's most expensive car wash (T3chH3lp) NFL drafts first Chinese-American rookie (SportsGrid) Dancing Swedish police officer (Urlesque) Monkeys hate flying squirrels, report monkey annoyance experts (Christian Science Monitor) The 5 most insane improvised weapons that were animals (Cracked) (title image via Reddit)

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  19. The Best Video of Nineteen Animal Species Auto-Tuned to Play a Song You’ll See Today

    The Internet Animal Orchestra, a brilliant video compilation painstakingly assembled by RatherGood, screaming monkeys, rabbits, snapping shrimp, a dog that screams 'elm,' a woodpecker, a cow, turtles and tortoises, a bald eagle, an echolocating bat, a boxer dog, an elephant, a husky that says 'I love you,' a Sumatran tiger cub, a sheep, a goat, a rooster, a humpback whale and her calf, a piano-playing pig, several owls and miscellaneous dogs join voices and noisy appendages to bring you one glorious song.

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  20. Today in Insane Rumors: Taliban Training Monkeys for Terrorism

    Well now: Here is an insane rumor which -- spoiler alert -- is not at all true. People's Daily Online, the website of the official newspaper of the Communist Party of China, claims that the Taliban is training "monkey terrorists" to "use the Kalashnikov, Bren light machine gun and trench mortars ... [to] identify and attack soldiers wearing U.S. military uniforms."

    Here's the fiendish part of the Taliban's scheme which is not real: Not only would armed and dangerous monkeys be fighting on the wrong side of the War Against Terror, but animal lovers would pressure the U.S. government to withdraw troops from the country, because the prospect of injuring Kalashnikov-toting monkeys is far more upsetting to them than any other concern one could possibly raise about the war in Afghanistan. According to People's Daily, which is not the Chinese edition of Weekly World News, "A senior U.S. military source confirmed the existence of the Taliban monkey soldiers, military experts call armed monkeys 'monkey terrorists.'"

    But there's only one hitch to this untrue rumor which cites as its primary evidence unnamed sources and "media outlets" and the above badly Photoshopped picture of a terrorist monkey: It isn't true.

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