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monkeys

  1. The Actual Odds of 100 Monkeys With Typewriters Randomly Outputting Hamlet: A Descent Into Madness

    Let's just say don't hold your breath for Monkey Hamlet.

    As the saying goes, "If you put 100 monkeys with typewriters in a room long enough, eventually you'll get Hamlet." But will you though? What are the actual odds of a monkey randomly replicating Hamlet. Let's use reason and my C+ in college statistics to figure this out.

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  2. If You Give A Monkey A Banana, You’re Actually a Terrible Enabler

    Bananas are a sometimes food, now.

    A British zoo has made the executive decision to stop giving its monkeys bananas all the time. But before you object, it's not because British people are against the idea of fun and joy. It's because bananas bred for human consumption are basically the monkey equivalent of cake, and it's adversely affecting the monkeys' health.

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  3. Monkeys Knocked Out Power Across the Country of Zambia, Prepare for the Monkey Revolution

    Is this viral marketing for the new Planet of the Apes movie?

    We've already addressed the squirrel menace, and the surprising frequency with which they knock out power here in the US, but it seems other countries have animal problems of their own. Monkeys knocked out all power in the country of Zambia recently. What are you planning, Zambian monkeys?

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  4. Touch Screens Are Calming to Monkeys, Children of the World Unsurprised

    You're not bribing your child with your smartphone; you're improving its social behavior.

    At Markwell Wildlife, a group of crested macaques participates in cognitive tests that they interact with through touch screens, and it seems to positively affect their behavior. We wonder if their behavior would continue to be so positive if they were forced to pause mid-test to eat dinner or go do a sports thing.

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  5. Close To 500 New Species Discovered In The Amazon, Including A Purring Cat-Monkey

    Ikea Monkey is so definitely jealous.

    Thanks to an intrepid team of scientists and the WWF, we know just a little bit more about our amazing planet. During a four-year expedition to the previously unexplored interior of the Amazon Rainforest, the team discovered 441 new species of life - including a purring monkey!

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  6. Research Suggests Altruism Doesn’t Exist, At Least in Humans and Primates

    Monkeys keep tabs on who owes them something, and you don't want to be in monkey-debt.

    Sharing is caring, but you're lying if you say you don't expect something in return, and science knows it. Researchers looked at 32 studies of primates and human foragers, and the evidence points to the fact that when sharing food, we want something out of it. Ass, gas, or bananas. Nobody rides for free.

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  7. Being Friendly May Help Monkeys Survive In Harsh Conditions

    Study in sociality means it's finally time to take a few survival tips from an endangered species.

    That need most of us have to bond with others? The drive to maintain a semblance of social acceptability when we would rather hide under the blankets in ratty pajamas binge watching Netflix? Turns out, it's not just good manners and a way to ensure regular showering -- it may also be an evolutionary trait that helps us survive tough times. A study of Barbary macaques in Northern Morocco suggests that natural selection may favor the ability to make social connections.

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  8. Monkey Feet May Be More Common in Humans Than Once Thought

    More people than you might think are walking around on flexible feet suited to climbing trees.

    Have you ever felt like walking on the ground is a fine way to get from point A to point B, but not really your thing? Can you identify a good climbing tree from a hundred paces? If so, you may have a condition known to medicine as "monkey feet."* Don't be embarrassed, though -- according to some recent studies, as many as 1 in 13 people around the world may have feet that didn't get the evolutionary memo about ground-based, bipedal locomotion and remain well-equipped for clambering up a tree at a moment's notice. 

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  9. Being Middle Management Sucks For Monkeys, Too

    The corporate ladder has a lot of rungs, but there are three basic places you can be on it: at the top, where you're making the rules, at the bottom where you've got nothing to lose, and everywhere else. Studies have shown that folks in that vast middle management hierarchy are generally the most stressed out people at a place of employment, and a recent study by the University of Manchester suggests that phenomenon might not be confined to humans working thankless white collar jobs. Monkeys in the middle of the social hierarchy -- those who aren't leaders, but aren't losers either -- seem to suffer more stress from the effects of unpleasant behavior while also getting less benefit from stress relievers like grooming,

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  10. Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Monkey Mob Attacks Indonesian Town, Injuring Seven People

    In a scene straight out of a horror movie, a mob of wild monkeys emerged from a forest in Indonesia and rampaged through a nearby village, leaving seven villagers injured, including one 16-year-old boy in critical condition after being badly bitten. Details on exactly what kind of monkeys made up the mob or what could have motivated them to attack are scarce, and it's not known yet if the primates are hyper-intelligent test subjects recently escaped from a shadowy government lab -- or just a bunch of jerks.

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