The Family Circus, a cartoon known mostly for loving Jesus a whole lot and making the antics of surprisingly large dog Marmaduke seem edgy for the last thousand years, is getting its own movie. Before you ask, no, there is probably nothing you can do to stop it. The thing has been in development for a while, and now has actual writers, God have mercy on their souls. I think we can call this the official time of death on Hollywood having any decent or original ideas. In the interest of cribbing from old ideas that are actually good, it's time to take the whole industry out behind the barn and do the merciful thing. Why? Because Family Circus is the worst thing in the history of time. Not the worst newspaper strip. Not the worst work of art. The worst thing.
Remember when they thought it would be a good idea to make a Dilbert animated series? They were wrong. Well now, according to I Watch Stuff, they think it would be a great idea to make a live-action (italicized for are-you-serious emphasis) feature film of Dilbert. Yeah, seriously. This announcement comes as everyone eagerly (?) awaits the release of Marmaduke.
So really, newspaper comic movies have not always been the best ideas or the most successful ventures. I'm looking at you here, Garfield. But there could definitely be some genuinely entertaining features based off our favorite daily funnies. So movie studio executives, I hope you're reading, because these pitches are going to blow your mind: