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  1. Family Circus Movie is Happening, Please Join Us in Praying for Death

    The Family Circus, a cartoon known mostly for loving Jesus a whole lot and making the antics of surprisingly large dog Marmaduke seem edgy for the last thousand years, is getting its own movie. Before you ask, no, there is probably nothing you can do to stop it. The thing has been in development for a while, and now has actual writers, God have mercy on their souls. I think we can call this the official time of death on Hollywood having any decent or original ideas. In the interest of cribbing from old ideas that are actually good, it's time to take the whole industry out behind the barn and do the merciful thing. Why? Because Family Circus is the worst thing in the history of time. Not the worst newspaper strip. Not the worst work of art. The worst thing.

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  2. No More 2D-Cartoons-As-3D Movies. Stop It.

    Back in 1988, an amazing movie featuring human interaction with animated characters was released. It was called "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" and it signaled a shift in my childhood perspective on animated characters. As a child who had gone through a phase of adamant refusal to watch anything that wasn't animated, "Roger Rabbit" was my first real exposure to an acknowledgement of animated characters in a live-action world. And it was fascinating. The 'Toons were like another race of linguistically developed, perhaps further evolved humanoid creatures that these people lived alongside with little consequence. (Unless a 'Toon killed your brother.) But they were still cartoons. They weren't flesh and blood people, they were Ink 'n' Paint. So, my beef with the influx of 3D animation/live action movies is this: Are we supposed to think these characters are real now? Seriously? When we see characters like Garfield, Marmaduke, the Chipmunks, Yogi Bear, etc. interacting with humans, animated to look like they were born of this world, organic, living creatures that look freakishly unlike other animals of their species (is Yogi an av-er-age bear in this world, or is an average bear an average bear? or is Yogi the only one like that? WHY? What happened?), how is it that the humans with whom they interact don't question it?

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  3. 10 Pitches for Newspaper Comic Movies that Really Should (or Shouldn’t) Be Made


    Remember when they thought it would be a good idea to make a Dilbert animated series? They were wrong. Well now, according to I Watch Stuff, they think it would be a great idea to make a live-action (italicized for are-you-serious emphasis) feature film of Dilbert. Yeah, seriously. This announcement comes as everyone eagerly (?) awaits the release of Marmaduke.

    So really, newspaper comic movies have not always been the best ideas or the most successful ventures. I'm looking at you here, Garfield. But there could definitely be some genuinely entertaining features based off our favorite daily funnies. So movie studio executives, I hope you're reading, because these pitches are going to blow your mind:

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