“You seem familiar. Have I threatened you before?” It’s a question Captain Jack Sparrow likes to pose, and it’s one that might give you pause, or just a wicked sense of déjà vu. A disturbing sense that we’ve been threatened before is exactly what you can expect from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, a dour, bloated whale of a summer movie. For two-and-a-half hours, you can follow along the worn dreadlocked wig of Captain Jack Sparrow as he searches, with about 300 supporters, for the Fountain of Youth. I was wishing for the fabled Fountain about twenty minutes in, because if it’s one thing that the fourth episode of Pirates made me feel, it was old. Grabbing a cutlass and slashing to the quick; POTC 4 is an over-long, overcrowded, boring ride, if your definition of a ride is a rattling wooden crate on some very rickety track.