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  1. Just In Time To Ruin Easter: Jelly Bean Milk and Springtime Eggnog

    Where did they find these cows? In a dream?

    Easter is a confusing holiday, guys. As if religion and a bunny who hides chicken eggs aren't complicated enough, apparently there's also a veritable cornucopia of truly weird seasonal dairy drinks to guzzle in celebration. Most alarming? Jellybean Milk and Easter Nog.

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  2. Pre-Raphaelite Painters Used Ground up Humans and Cats to Make “Mummy Brown”

    I bet they wish they'd kept this...under wraps.

    If you're a fan of paintings from the 1800s through the 1960s, you've probably admired a highly-prized shade of paint called "Mummy Brown." Why the macabre name, you ask? Oh, no reason, just the ancient cat and human corpses used in its composition. Guys, now I'm worried...what's in my Bitches Brew nail polish? What?

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  3. Music Video About Sexing Mythical Creatures Is Strangely Beautiful

    Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? Getting their bone on, apparently.

    Sharing intimate moments with a mythical beast (note: not an acceptable nickname for any part of the anatomy) can cause bigger problems than a pregnancy or STD. This tragic animated music video from miracleofsound is like the Ballad of Jack and Rose, but if Rose spent way more time waiting for goats under bridges, and Jack became someone's dinner.

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  4. Innovative Dad Pulls Son’s Baby Tooth Using Flying Drone [Video]

    Just wait until your wisdom teeth come in, boy.

    Apparently the "slamming door" method was just too boring for Malcolm Swan and his brave son, Adam. Instead, the pair removed Adam's baby tooth the good old fashioned way—by tying it to a DJI Phantom Quadcopter and then letting the drone rip. Sadly, Adam's tooth was never recovered, but I think the Tooth Fairy will still pay up.

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  5. How To Poo On A Date Wins Award For Weirdest Book Title

    I guess He's Just Not That Into Poo was taken.

    Matt and Enzo's comprehensive guide to the romance of defecation may be all about number two, but as far as awards go the pair is number one: How To Poo On A Date was recently awarded the 36th Annual Diagram Prize, proving definitively that they're the shit.

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  6. Chicken Embryo Found in Soup, Campbell’s Sends Fed Ex to Pick It Up

    Why didn't I get one?

    Here, allow me to validate every food-based fear you've ever been told was illogical: a Colorado woman recently discovered an amorphous beaky creature in a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.

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  7. BroApp Will Outsource Actually Caring About Your Girlfriend, Because Who Wants to Do That?

    Fake love letters were not exactly the part of Her we were hoping to get in real life.

    The jury is still out on whether BroApp is a serious thing intended for bros to actually use or a parody, but it certainly is a thing you can download on your phone right now and use if you're a massive sociopath. Yes, you really can get an app that will automatically send messages to someone you'd like to appear to care about.

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  8. Gross, Internet. There’s Now an App for Betting on Friends’ Relationships Through Facebook

    This is why we can't have nice things.

    You know what we needed in a world where people can already find out way too much about us? An app that lets us bet on whether or not our Facebook friends' relationships will last. Thanks, Forever|NOT. Now, cynics have an easy platform to pass judgment on other people, which I guess isn't surprising, since that basically describes the Internet.

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  9. Just in Time to Ruin Valentine’s Day, Here’s a Horrifying GIF of What a Kiss Looks Like From Inside Your Gross Mouth

    Humans are disgusting.

    Ugh. Gross. I think deep down we all know kissing is at best a little gross, but we just kind of accept it because, well, it's fun. But the view from inside your mouth while you do it is some next-level stuff.

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  10. Firefighter Pours Out Two Bootfuls of Sweat After F-16 Crash [Video]

    Fire is hot, but so is the equipment brave firefighters have to wear to fight it. It's probably not a surprise to anyone that firefighters sweat under all that gear, but the volume of it is amazing. This video shows a firefighter dumping a lot of sweat from the boots of his "Level-B suit" after putting out a fire from an F-16 crash in 110 degree heat. You shouldn't be able to pour your sweat out of your shoe. Seriously. Go thank a firefighter, and will somebody please buy this guy a beer?

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  11. Yeah, Like You’d Be Able to Resist Doing This If You Worked at Wendy’s

    Sometimes, a Frosty sounds so good, you just can't wait for a cup.

    Literally every person who has ever worked at a place with a soft serve dispenser or milkshake machine -- and that's a lot of us -- has considered doing this at one point or another. Anyone who tells you different is a lying liar.

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  12. Study Finds Only 5% of People Wash Their Hands Properly in Public Restrooms

    Seriously, people -- how do we even have to have this conversation? I am disappoint.

    Here's a story I need your help on, folks, because I can't tell if it's depressing and gross or gross and depressing. According to a recent study by Michigan State University, only 5% of people wash their hands properly after using the bathroom. That's right, folks -- 1 in 20 of you are doing that right, and the other 19 are, statistically speaking, disgusting.

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  13. Justin Bieber Visits Anne Frank House, Leaves Gross Message in Guestbook

    Child musician and professional Twitter trending topic, Justin Bieber has upset the world after a recent visit to the Anne Frank House. There were no reports that Bieber or his entourage behaved inappropriately during their hour long visit to the museum, but when the Anne Frank House Facebook page publicly posted what Bieber wrote in the guestbook the Internet went nuts. So what caused all the outrage?

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  14. Kinky Sex Leaves Man Hospitalized With 2-Foot-Long Eel Up His Anus

    On the off chance you needed another reason not to use live eels in sex play, consider the story of a man in China's Guangdong province who was hospitalized after an eel -- apparently being used in sex play to imitate a porn the man had been watching -- slithered up his anus and proceeded to wreak havoc on his innards as it tried to chew its way out of his body to freedom. Which, if you're the eel, is a perfectly reasonable reaction here.

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  15. Oh Me, Oh My, Rare Tumor Causes Hair to Grow on Man’s Eye

    Human hair has that unique quality of being both a blessing and a curse. While it gifts us with luscious locks that can make others swoon, hair also has the inconvenient habit of sprouting out of places we'd rather not have it grow -- typically resulting in the reluctant use of tweezers that leaves us whimpering like a child. Still, perhaps we should be fortunate that rogue strands of hair aren't growing on more sensitive parts of our face, like, say, our very eyes. A 19-year-old man from Iran learned in the most startling way possible that, thanks to a rare tumor known as a limbal dermoid on the surface of his eyeball, hair can grow wherever it damn well pleases.

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  16. Happy Global Handwashing Day! Everything You Own Is Covered In Fecal Bacteria

    It's Global Handwashing Day, everyone! You'd like to think that maybe we don't need an entire international holiday devoted to reminding us to wash up after we visit the restroom, right? We'd like to think that, too. Except here's the thing -- the numbers don't bear that out. In fact, a study released today by Queen Mary College and the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine found that 1 in 4 Londoners have fecal bacteria -- like e.coli -- on their hands. Hands that they are just walking around touching things with. The really bad news, though? That seems tame compared to some of the other findings in the study.

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  17. Watch a Cone Snail Eat a Fish as Terrifyingly as Possible [Video]

    The more you pay attention to the Internet, the more you realize that snails are absolutely terrifying. Not only can they eat things with shocking speed, but this cone snail can grow to a massive size and swallow much bigger prey whole. Before it does that, though, it paralyzes its prey by emitting poison. After it swallows the paralyzed fish whole? It stabs it with a barb and poisons it again. Luckily for us, the video above has a good view of what it looks like to be swallowed whole by a cone snail. It looks like terror, if you're wondering.

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  18. Here's a Tub of Terrified Sea Lampreys [Video]

    I have often considered myself to be a lover of animals, but there are some creatures on this Earth that, frankly, I could do without. Leeches, bedbugs, mosquitos, intestinal parasites, all of these just seem unnecessary. Not least of these is, of course, the sea lamprey. While it's true evolution has seen fit to make lamprey's singularly adapted to their lifestyle, that doesn't make them any less creepy. With that in mind, hearing that Michigan State University has developed an effective lamprey repellent is satisfying. Especially given how much damage this invasive species has done to the Great Lakes. Seeing an entire tub of writhing, terrified lampreys is, however, just gross. So I posted it for you. You're welcome. Oh, and don't worry: There's an underwater view as well.

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  19. Nothing Says Romance Like Gonorrheal DNA Transfer

    Valentine's Day is all about sharing things with the one you love. But we can all agree that there are things that you probably shouldn't share. Like gonorrhea, for example. You can go ahead and keep that one to yourself, sport. But even when humans aren't grossly sharing gross STDs with one another -- which is gross -- they may be sharing more than they know with their diseases. Scientists at Northwestern have discovered a fragment of human DNA in the genome of Neisseria gonorrhoeae, the bacterial blip behind gonorrhea. This marks the first recorded instance of what some thought (OK, hoped) impossible - a direct transfer of human DNA to a bacterial genome. Kudos to the team at Northwestern, who had not only the patience and skill to isolate human DNA in the least likely of places, but the sense of humor required to start publicizing the story on Valentine's Day, reminding the single among us once again that other people are basically plague ships, anyway. Plague ships captained by microscopic bacteria who steal our DNA. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! (via ScienceDaily. title pic via LAT)

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  20. There Are Creatures Living All Over Your Body [Video]

    Warning: This will make you feel like the most disgusting living organism that ever existed. Humans are covered with several species of mites, fungi, and bacteria pretty much all the time, regardless of how well we take care of ourselves. Enough to equal the population of the Earth. Including in our eyelashes. So, if you're living your life without a care, feeling like you practice excellent hygiene that would prevent other living creatures from burrowing holes in your flesh, maybe don't watch this video. Unless you welcome these microscopic overlords, in which case, please don't start naming them. It will take forever. (via Geeks Are Sexy)

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