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  1. The U.S. Government Is Launching a Team to Finally Make Their Websites Stop Sucking

    They've had lots of experience with that in the past year.

    You know how the Internet is all fast and convenient, and then you try to do something on a government web service and it suddenly feels like you've traveled back to 1885? (Science Fact: The Internet was notoriously slow in 1885.) Well, the government is finally doing something about it by launching the USDS, which sadly doesn't stand for "Ur Sites Don't Suck."

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  2. The US Government Secretly Created a “Cuban Twitter” to Stir up Political Dissent, Create “Smart Mobs”

    Hi, I'm a Nigerian prince, and I need to store my political dissent. Will you join my social network?

    Somehow, the same government that can't set up a simple online signup form to save its life went full Zuckerberg and built an entire successful social media network... in Cuba. This must have been headed by the same people who made the turkey pardoning site for Thanksgiving, because that was easily the best functioning government website.

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  3. Problems with Healthcare.gov Likely More Than Just Traffic

    Opponents of the healthcare program are probably super stoked.

    Any implementation of new technology on the scale of Healthcare.gov is bound to run into problems. Unfortunately, now that some time has passed, it seems like the site's troubles may not have just been your run of the mill, version 1.0 bugs. Get out your party hats, "Big Government" haters.

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  4. Somebody’s Filed a Freedom of Information Act Request To Find Out More about Squirrel-Related Power Outages

    It's called the Freedom of Information Act for a reason, after all -- the hippies finally got something right.

    America's enemies are targeting our power infrastructure and the government is hiding it from us. And no, I don't mean terrorists -- I'm clearly talking about the squirrels who keep chewing through our power lines, as the NYT reported last week. Thank god one courageous woman is ready to get to the bottom of this consquirrelacy.

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  5. CIA Finally Admits Area 51 Is Actually A Thing In Declassified Report

    Officially Official

    Conspiracy theorists everywhere are having a party right now, shouting and throwing their tinfoil hats to the sky in celebration: a recently declassified CIA report acknowledges Area 51 is, in fact, an official thing. Want to know more about one of the most mysterious locales in the United States? Head under the cut!

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  6. The United States Government Admits Gamers Are Pro Athletes

    I will make it legal!

    Thanks to Riot Games eSports manager Nick Allen, the United States officially sees gamers as pro athletes. Don't get too excited, this probably doesn't apply to you.

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  7. FCC Isn’t Sure How to Censor Television Anymore, Wants Our Advice

    The Boob Tube

    The Federal Communications Commission wants a piece of our minds. I suggest you keep your use of profanity to the minimum.

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  8. Julia Pierson to be Named First Female Director of the American Secret Service

    Officially Official

    In something of breaking news this afternoon, the White House has announced that they will be announcing (I guess this only a little bit like putting out a trailer for your trailer) a new director of the Secret Service, to replace director Mark Sullivan, who announced his resignation last month. That new director will be Julia Pierson, currently the Secret Service's chief of staff, and the promotion will make her the first woman in history to hold that position.

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  9. The Senate Sort of Approved Internet Sales Tax

    People still love taxes, right? That's what the Senate seems to think, because they just voted 75-to-24 in favor of a non-binding resolution that says they would support a bill introducing an Internet sales tax. Even though the resolution is non-binding, its overwhelming support could help support the bill as it School House Rocks its way to becoming a law. The Senate finally decides to get something done, and it's Internet sales tax? Great job, Senate.

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  10. IRS Goes Where No One Has Gone Before, Uses Tax Payer Money To Pay For Star Trek Spoof

    Dammit Jim!

    It appears there's no sign of intelligent life at the Internal Revenue Service. They created Star Trek and Gilligan's Island spoofs that cost tax payers $60,000. 

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  11. Why Did Hillary Clinton’s State Department Team Edit Bindi Irwin’s Essay On Overpopulation?

    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

    Bindi Irwin, the daughter of the late wildlife expert Steve Irwin, has made quite a name for herself over the last few years. She sings, she acts, and yes, she has a great interest in animals and the environment. She was recently asked to contribute to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's site but supposedly had her essay edited so heavily, she asked them to remove it from publication. What gives? 

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  12. Antigua Strikes Back: Country Wants to Launch Piracy Website to Punish America

    In retaliation for the United States repeatedly blocking Antigua from hosting online gambling, the country now plans to launch a website that will sell music, movies, and software from U.S. content-makers without paying royalties to the content's U.S. copyright holders. It's not surprising that the Antinguan government denies that the site qualifies as "privacy," and it's even less surprising that the U.S. isn't happy about the site and will try to stop it.

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  13. U.S. Government Removes Airport “Pornoscanners,” Proves It Can, If It Wants, Deal With Privacy Better Than Facebook

    And Now For Something Completely Different

    Those controversial airport X-Ray machines known colloquially as "pornoscanners" are going the way of being able to take bottles of water through security.

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  14. The White House Is Sick Of Your Joke Petitions, Quadruples the Number of Signatures Required for an Official Response

    the internet is serious business

    Attention, American public: The White House has seen your petitions about building a Death Star, investigating the feasibility of building the Enterprise, and giving each state an official Pokémon. In one case they even responded in a particularly awesome way. But now they have another message for you: Cut it out, guys. It's getting tired.

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  15. Star Wars’ Empire Strikes Back At U.S. Government Death Star Petition Refusal

    I will make it legal!

    We were perfectly content, nay, tickled pink by the response the Unites States government issued after a petition to get them to build a Death Star warranted an official statement be made. Never did we expect the Empire to issue their own response. You'll probably want to read this... 

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  16. Anonymous Posts Petition for White House to Declare DDoS Attacks Protests, Not Crimes

    Yesterday we covered the White House's response to the petition asking them to build a working Death Star. Sometimes though, people try to use the government's We the People petition program to try to accomplish things that might be possible. Anonymous has posted a petition to the site asking that the US Government officially declare Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks to be a form of protest, and not a crime. This stands about as much of a chance as the government building a Death Star, and the response probably won't be nearly as funny.

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  17. Massachusetts Department of Transportation Removes Violent Games From State Rest Stops

    The United States' misinformed and eye roll-inducing war on violent video games marches ever onward in yet another show of using them as a scapegoat for violent tragedies. The Massachusetts Department of Transportation has recently pulled particular arcade game titles deemed offensive from various rest stops along the Massachusetts Turnpike in light of the horrific Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting. Well never forget the lives lost in that tragic event, but the nation's insatiable habit of holding easy targets culpable instead of identifying the real problem is getting tediously grating at this point.

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  18. So We’re Not Getting A Death Star But We Can Confirm We Have The Geekiest Administration In History

    I will make it legal!

    We already knew President Barack Obama was a nerd but this...this solidifies his place in our intergalactic records. Remember when we reported on that petition someone started to get the United States government to fund the building of a Death Star ala Star Wars? We all had a good laugh, knew it wouldn't happen, and assumed they wouldn't even get a response. They did. While it may not be the one petitioners were hoping for, it's probably the single best response to anything, ever. 

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  19. FISA Gets Thumbs Up From Senate for Five More Years of Creepy Government Eavesdropping

    Way back in September we reported that the House of Representatives gave thumbs up to the FISA Amendments Act renewal -- allowing the National Security Agency (NSA) to continue to eavesdrop on the private conversations of American citizens without a warrant, granted the person in question is at least assumed to be involved in a foreign affair that could threaten national security. Essentially, the government can do as they please sifting through our email and phone calls. This week, after days of tenuous -- and largely fruitless -- debates and the shooting down of amendments drafted to rein in the unconstitutional nature of FISA, the Senate also gave their approval to the renewal of the act for another five years shortly before it was due to expire. Given the global sociopolitical barometer, flat out ignoring civil liberties seems to be the trendy thing to do these days.

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  20. It Just Got Real: China Sanctions Real-Name Registration Requirements for Internet Users

    Not too long ago, the Chinese government had been toying with the notion of approving a proposal requiring real-name registration for Internet users when working with service providers and similar vendors. This procured registration information would then be stored in a data system that could possibly be accessed by the authorities to monitor the online day-to-day activities of the general public. Many concerned citizens feared that this proposed controversial move would be an encroachment on the free speech online anonymity brings -- especially in a nation notorious for censorship crackdowns on those that dispense unpopular opinions against China's ruling body. It looks like those fears have been made real since the government has sanctioned the real-name registration proposal, putting the public's private affairs on shaky ground.

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