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  1. The U.S. Government Is Launching a Team to Finally Make Their Websites Stop Sucking

    They've had lots of experience with that in the past year.

    You know how the Internet is all fast and convenient, and then you try to do something on a government web service and it suddenly feels like you've traveled back to 1885? (Science Fact: The Internet was notoriously slow in 1885.) Well, the government is finally doing something about it by launching the USDS, which sadly doesn't stand for "Ur Sites Don't Suck."

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  2. The US Government Secretly Created a “Cuban Twitter” to Stir up Political Dissent, Create “Smart Mobs”

    Hi, I'm a Nigerian prince, and I need to store my political dissent. Will you join my social network?

    Somehow, the same government that can't set up a simple online signup form to save its life went full Zuckerberg and built an entire successful social media network... in Cuba. This must have been headed by the same people who made the turkey pardoning site for Thanksgiving, because that was easily the best functioning government website.

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  3. Problems with Likely More Than Just Traffic

    Opponents of the healthcare program are probably super stoked.

    Any implementation of new technology on the scale of is bound to run into problems. Unfortunately, now that some time has passed, it seems like the site's troubles may not have just been your run of the mill, version 1.0 bugs. Get out your party hats, "Big Government" haters.

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  4. Somebody’s Filed a Freedom of Information Act Request To Find Out More about Squirrel-Related Power Outages

    It's called the Freedom of Information Act for a reason, after all -- the hippies finally got something right.

    America's enemies are targeting our power infrastructure and the government is hiding it from us. And no, I don't mean terrorists -- I'm clearly talking about the squirrels who keep chewing through our power lines, as the NYT reported last week. Thank god one courageous woman is ready to get to the bottom of this consquirrelacy.

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  5. CIA Finally Admits Area 51 Is Actually A Thing In Declassified Report

    Officially Official

    Conspiracy theorists everywhere are having a party right now, shouting and throwing their tinfoil hats to the sky in celebration: a recently declassified CIA report acknowledges Area 51 is, in fact, an official thing. Want to know more about one of the most mysterious locales in the United States? Head under the cut!

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  6. The United States Government Admits Gamers Are Pro Athletes

    I will make it legal!

    Thanks to Riot Games eSports manager Nick Allen, the United States officially sees gamers as pro athletes. Don't get too excited, this probably doesn't apply to you.

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  7. FCC Isn’t Sure How to Censor Television Anymore, Wants Our Advice

    The Boob Tube

    The Federal Communications Commission wants a piece of our minds. I suggest you keep your use of profanity to the minimum.

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  8. Julia Pierson to be Named First Female Director of the American Secret Service

    Officially Official

    In something of breaking news this afternoon, the White House has announced that they will be announcing (I guess this only a little bit like putting out a trailer for your trailer) a new director of the Secret Service, to replace director Mark Sullivan, who announced his resignation last month. That new director will be Julia Pierson, currently the Secret Service's chief of staff, and the promotion will make her the first woman in history to hold that position.

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  9. The Senate Sort of Approved Internet Sales Tax

    People still love taxes, right? That's what the Senate seems to think, because they just voted 75-to-24 in favor of a non-binding resolution that says they would support a bill introducing an Internet sales tax. Even though the resolution is non-binding, its overwhelming support could help support the bill as it School House Rocks its way to becoming a law. The Senate finally decides to get something done, and it's Internet sales tax? Great job, Senate.

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  10. IRS Goes Where No One Has Gone Before, Uses Tax Payer Money To Pay For Star Trek Spoof

    Dammit Jim!

    It appears there's no sign of intelligent life at the Internal Revenue Service. They created Star Trek and Gilligan's Island spoofs that cost tax payers $60,000. 

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