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  1. Dorkly Presents a Quidditch Pitch Aquarium and 15 Other Nerdy Homes for Fish

    Gillyweed not included.

    All the Impervius spells can't help you now, Harry.

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  2. According to Scientists, Sex Was Invented In Scotland

    Ooch aye.

    Not by Scotsmen, sadly—it was prehistoric fish. But a girl can dream.

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  3. Successful Brain Surgery Performed On 10-Year-Old Goldfish Named George

    Nurse! I'm going to need some bloodworms, stat!

    Sometimes, gold can stay: according to the the BBC, a beloved 10-year-old pet goldfish named George was recently saved from euthanasia after undergoing successful "high risk" brain surgery to remove a massive brain tumor. Says George, "Who? You did what? What's this wall doing here? Where am I? Huh? What's this wall doing here?"

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  4. Fish Cannon Does Exactly What You Think It Does, But Probably For a Better Reason

    Why isn't this a weapon in Bioshock?

    Salmon face a nearly sisyphean task in swimming upstream to spawn. It's hard enough going against the current, but obstacles like dams can make it impossible for the fish to complete their journey. What is a fish to do? Thankfully, some intrepid engineers have designed a fish cannon. Which, as the name implies, is a cannon that fires fish.

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  5. Fish Communicate Via Farts, Nature is Truly a Beautiful Thing

    Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water.

    It's long been known that herring are noisy fish, especially when they're chilling in groups. Now a team of scientists have discovered that herring use air emissions from their anus to communicate with their species, and just in case you're still not clear what's going on here, the sound has been christened "Fast Repetitive Tick", or FRT.

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  6. Male Guppy Sperm Actually Travels Faster In The Prescence of Their Sisters

    The things I do for prolonging our genetic line.

    Inbreeding is generally thought of as a bad thing, because for most species it is. Even if we set aside the ickiness, most species thrive best with a higher gene variation, which you don't get after sleeping around within your own gene pool for a few generations. Except guppies, apparently. Male guppies are aaall about the sister sex.

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  7. Someone Built a Goldfish a Robot Body. Great, One More Apocalypse to Worry About

    Guys, if you build them robot bodies, how will they ever evolve to walk on land?

    You know what's scary about a goldfish? Nothing. Then you put one in a swimming-controlled robot body, and soon we'll be calling them "Mr. Goldfish," or just sir, because they'll be our aqua-robotic overlords. For now, though, a fish driving a robot body around is adorably surreal. Let's just not scale this up to sharks, OK?

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  8. Video of Flying Tigerfish Proves They Are as Scary as They Sound

    Don't go into the African fresh bodies of water (especially if you are a defenseless little barnswallow).

    Because a meter-long African fish with sixteen razor-sharp teeth wasn't already horrifying, video footage has been taken for the first time proving that the freshwater tigerfish find their hapless prey in the sky as well as underwater. Monsters of the world, shots have been fired.

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  9. The “Testicle-Biting Fish” Has Been Spotted Again, This Time In New Jersey

    Welp, we're boned.

    Sure, we all made jokes when the Pacu, an exotic fish species with an unusual (and apparently false) reputation for biting at people's junk, was found in a Denmark River recently. But now one has been discovered in Passaic, New Jersey, just 15 miles outside of New York. We don't think it's funny anymore. Everybody stop laughing.

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  10. Just Like a Lot of Humans, Coelacanths are Mostly Monogamous and Don’t Mate With Relatives

    Maybe that's why they almost went extinct. HEY-YO.

    German scientists have been hard at work analyzing the genetic makeup of coelacanth offspring to learn more bout their mating patterns. What they found is that the coelacanth generally isn't into the multiple mating scene -- which is pretty unusual, as most fish species love to get all up in one another's gills. Get it? Gills? Aaaaah.

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