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  1. This Is A New Species of Fish Legitimately Named After Star Wars’ Greedo

    And it shot first.

    Greedo, son of Greedo the Elder, Rodian bounty hunter, and... fish?

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  2. Let a Lady From the Museum Of Natural History Tell You How to Preserve Prehistoric Fish for Scientific Posterity

    Featuring an awesome lady scientist!

    "Shelf Life" is the American Museum of Natural History's new series of exploratory, fun science videos, offering us a glimpse of the rare items and specimens they've got tucked away in their collection. This month, Ichthyology Curator Melanie L. J. Stiassny tells us how a species once thought to be extinct suddenly resurfaced, and shows us what kind of data they're able to extract from the limited number of samples that come their way. Also, she's right—they are pretty cute.

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  3. Things We Saw Today: Danny Brown Is Writing A Book About Self-Esteem In Black Girls

    Rapper Danny Brown told an Australian radio station that he's writing a Dr. Seuss-style book for his daughter "about self-esteem in black girls." Brown says the book focuses on "how black women do so much—process their hair, change their eye color. It’s really about a little girl who does all these things to herself and changes herself and she realizes she’s just better off the way she is." Sell it. Please. Sell it. (via Nerdist, image via DeShaun Craddock)

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  4. Dorkly Presents a Quidditch Pitch Aquarium and 15 Other Nerdy Homes for Fish

    Gillyweed not included.

    All the Impervius spells can't help you now, Harry.

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  5. According to Scientists, Sex Was Invented In Scotland

    Ooch aye.

    Not by Scotsmen, sadly—it was prehistoric fish. But a girl can dream.

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  6. Successful Brain Surgery Performed On 10-Year-Old Goldfish Named George

    Nurse! I'm going to need some bloodworms, stat!

    Sometimes, gold can stay: according to the the BBC, a beloved 10-year-old pet goldfish named George was recently saved from euthanasia after undergoing successful "high risk" brain surgery to remove a massive brain tumor. Says George, "Who? You did what? What's this wall doing here? Where am I? Huh? What's this wall doing here?"

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  7. Fish Cannon Does Exactly What You Think It Does, But Probably For a Better Reason

    Why isn't this a weapon in Bioshock?

    Salmon face a nearly sisyphean task in swimming upstream to spawn. It's hard enough going against the current, but obstacles like dams can make it impossible for the fish to complete their journey. What is a fish to do? Thankfully, some intrepid engineers have designed a fish cannon. Which, as the name implies, is a cannon that fires fish.

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  8. Fish Communicate Via Farts, Nature is Truly a Beautiful Thing

    Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water.

    It's long been known that herring are noisy fish, especially when they're chilling in groups. Now a team of scientists have discovered that herring use air emissions from their anus to communicate with their species, and just in case you're still not clear what's going on here, the sound has been christened "Fast Repetitive Tick", or FRT.

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  9. Male Guppy Sperm Actually Travels Faster In The Prescence of Their Sisters

    The things I do for prolonging our genetic line.

    Inbreeding is generally thought of as a bad thing, because for most species it is. Even if we set aside the ickiness, most species thrive best with a higher gene variation, which you don't get after sleeping around within your own gene pool for a few generations. Except guppies, apparently. Male guppies are aaall about the sister sex.

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  10. Someone Built a Goldfish a Robot Body. Great, One More Apocalypse to Worry About

    Guys, if you build them robot bodies, how will they ever evolve to walk on land?

    You know what's scary about a goldfish? Nothing. Then you put one in a swimming-controlled robot body, and soon we'll be calling them "Mr. Goldfish," or just sir, because they'll be our aqua-robotic overlords. For now, though, a fish driving a robot body around is adorably surreal. Let's just not scale this up to sharks, OK?

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  11. Video of Flying Tigerfish Proves They Are as Scary as They Sound

    Don't go into the African fresh bodies of water (especially if you are a defenseless little barnswallow).

    Because a meter-long African fish with sixteen razor-sharp teeth wasn't already horrifying, video footage has been taken for the first time proving that the freshwater tigerfish find their hapless prey in the sky as well as underwater. Monsters of the world, shots have been fired.

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  12. The “Testicle-Biting Fish” Has Been Spotted Again, This Time In New Jersey

    Welp, we're boned.

    Sure, we all made jokes when the Pacu, an exotic fish species with an unusual (and apparently false) reputation for biting at people's junk, was found in a Denmark River recently. But now one has been discovered in Passaic, New Jersey, just 15 miles outside of New York. We don't think it's funny anymore. Everybody stop laughing.

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  13. Just Like a Lot of Humans, Coelacanths are Mostly Monogamous and Don’t Mate With Relatives

    Maybe that's why they almost went extinct. HEY-YO.

    German scientists have been hard at work analyzing the genetic makeup of coelacanth offspring to learn more bout their mating patterns. What they found is that the coelacanth generally isn't into the multiple mating scene -- which is pretty unusual, as most fish species love to get all up in one another's gills. Get it? Gills? Aaaaah.

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  14. Something Rotten In the State of Denmark: Testicle-Biting Fish Reportedly On The Rise

    Rosenfish and Testiclestern are Dead.

    As with the coming of Fortinbras, Denmark is once again facing threat of foreign invasion. Except this time around it's not a fictional Norwegian prince so much as a species of fish related to the piranha and that likes to go after peoples' testicles. Yikes. I think we can all agree that fratricide and incest would be way more preferable.

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  15. Worst Superpower Ever: Young Angelfish Able to Grow Fake Eyes on Their Butts to Ward Off Predators

    This is even worse than that guy from Heroes who can melt toasters.

    You know those novelty glasses with pictures of eyes on them that you can wear while taking a nap to make people think you're really awake? Researchers from the University of Saskatchewan and Australia's James Cook University have found a fishy equivalent: Young angelfish are able to grow false eyes on demand when exposed to predators.

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  16. Guppy Genitals Have Claws, So… Yeah… Genital Claws

    Do you like fish sticks?

    The world of guppy genitals has been called an "arms race" which sounds horrifying enough without the knowledge that male guppies have claws at the end of their genitals, but as it turns out they do. A new study looked at exactly what purpose the genital claws serve, and as you might imagine, it's a rather unpleasant one.

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  17. Meet RoboCarp, The First Robotic Fish That Can Dive, Surface, Consume Bread Crumbs (One Day)

    There are more robotic fish than you might think out in the world right now, but this is the first one that can move in three dimensions.

    Scientists have been attempting to perfect the robotic fish for years in order to perform difficult underwater maneuvers such as exploring sunken shipwrecks or detect leaks in pipelines. Now, we're one step closer to robot fish perfection, as the National University of Singapore has released a next generation fish-bot that, in addition to being able to move laterally from side to side, can also dive and float just like a real fish. Naturally, this machine is being called "RoboCarp," because it's probably illegal to name it anything else.

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  18. Drunk Fish Reactions to Robotic Lady Fish Help Scientists Study Alcohol

    Instead of getting rats and mice drunk to study alcohol's affects on the brain, a new technique uses drunk fish and robots.

    Typically when studying how alcohol affects the brain, scientists use rats and mice, but it could be last call for rodents. The Polytechnic Institute of New York has a new solution about how to study alcohol -- drunk fish and robots. The new method is supposed to be more efficient at getting consistent data, and it turns out drunk fish don't behave like drunk humans.

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  19. There is a Japanese Art Form Based Around Dipping Fish in Ink and Making Prints of Them [Video]

    Until today, we didn't know that gyotaku was a thing. After this short cartoon, we already feel like experts on the subject.

    Today in "Things I Didn't Know" news: The latest cartoon from TED-Ed traces the origins and evolution of one of the strangest art forms I've ever heard of -- gyotaku, the art of making ink prints on rice paper using fish. Initially conceived as a way for Japanese fishermen to brag on the size of a catch while still throwing the fish back, gyotaku became popular in the courts of the Edo period, though its fortunes have since waned, presumably because there is only so much one can do with with a fish, artistically speaking.

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  20. New York Subway Project May Be Threatened by Electric Eels… Wait, What?

    Between traffic, crowds, and inane drive-time DJs, you might think nothing could make your commute worse. Think again. According to an officer of the New York subway system, a planned train line extension in the city could be plagued by an unexpected menace -- electric eels. Just how the eels would get to New York from their mostly tropical homes remains a mystery, but as someone who rides the New York subway every day, I can confirm that it wouldn't really surprise anyone.

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