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dumb people doing dumb things

  1. Microsoft Gets Real Catty with New Anti-Google “Keep Calm” Shirt

    This is a real thing you can spend real money on in the real world for real.

    If you're worried that you live in a world where major companies don't behave like petulant children, relax. They still totally do. Just look at this shirt you can buy from Microsoft that mocks Google and their data-mining ways, as if they're two middle school kids running against each other for class president.

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  2. PETA Protests Whaling In Assassin’s Creed IV, Just In Case There Is Whaling In Assassin’s Creed IV

    Well, PETA has invented a ludicrous thing to be outraged over, so it must be Wednesday. This week, it's Ubisoft's upcoming Assassin's Creed IV that has the animal rights group all in a tizzy over portrayals of whaling in the game. Or rather, what might potentially be portrayals of whaling in the game, since the game isn't out yet, and all we know about the game's latest maritime installment is that at some point, the protagonist is on a ship and sees a whale. This, according to PETA, makes the game developers whale hating monsters who are worse than 1,000 Stalins, presumably because having any other reaction to it would require the folks at PETA to actually think about a reasoned response for like two minutes.

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  3. Moron Fakes Own Kidnapping to Extort $2,000 Out of His (Probably Now Ex-) Girlfriend

    From a 9-year-old Philadelphia girl who feigned being abducted in an effort to get her tardies to class excused to an eleven-year-old Spanish boy who faked his own kidnapping to derail a parent-teacher conference, it's been a big week for faked kidnappings. That means you'd have to be pretty exceptionally dumb or tasteless to really make news by faking your own kidnapping. With that in mind, we would like to issue a big "come on down" to 31-year-old Mark Rodriguez of Wallkill, New York, a grown man who faked his own kidnapping in an attempt to ransom himself back to his girlfriend for $2,000.

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  4. Doing It Wrong: The Worst Decisions of 2012

    We're coming up on the close of 2012, if probably not the world as we know it, and thus, it's a time for quiet reflection and self-inventory. As we consider the paths that led us all here, we find ourselves looking back on the year that was, and in doing so, we find ourselves saying one thing, over and over, quietly to ourselves, as is repeating a mantra -- "Man, people did some stupid things this year!" Now, don't get us wrong -- it pretty unlikely that they did that many more stupid things than in years past. Seeing as these are rather fresh in our memories, though, it sure feels that way. So please, join us in taking a stroll down memory lane as we recall ten of the worst decisions, poorest choices, and dumbest ideas of the year that was.

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  5. Washington Man Threatens To Shoot Up Schools If Gun Rights Are Restricted, Gets Arrested

    In stunningly clear object lesson on "Things Not To Do, EVER," World's Least Classy Total Idiot candidate Korry Martinson has turned himself into police who had been searching for him all weekend. Just hours after Friday's horrific shooting in Connecticut, Martinson, 19, allegedly put up a Facebook post thanking the shooter for his actions and threatening to "go shoot up every school in a 100 mile radius" if he felt that the tragedy affected his rights as a gun owner. Now, KOMO News is reporting that Martinson, who was at best drastically overestimating the popular sense of humor level over Friday's shooting, has been arrested on charges of felony harassment for the threat. You can see a screenshot of the alleged post below, but if you're among the many folks who are still kind of reeling from this one, be advised: it makes for exceedingly unpleasant reading.

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  6. Man Starts Fire In Yard, Clobbers Firefighter With Shovel For Trying To Put It Out

    If you're most people, when a firefighter shows up to extinguish a blaze on your property, your first instinct would be to thanks them -- not to hit them with a shovel. It just goes to show that 44-year-old Floridian Gregory Sean Turner is not most people. Turner was arrested earlier this week on charges of Aggravated Battery on a Firefighter with a Deadly Weapon (Shovel) and Preventing or Obstructing Extinguishment of a Fire. That's a rap sheet we'd really like to think is unique, but being that this is Florida...we just can't assume that's the case.

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  7. Car Thief Challenges Sheriff To Drag Race, Is As Good An Idea As It Sounds

    In news that suggests that those Duke boys are at it again, a man has been arrested in Missouri after stealing a car, then challenging a Maries County sheriff to a race. That ended about as well as you would expect, with officers eventually shooting out the engine of the car, bumping it to a stop, and having to break the driver's side window and pull the man out when he refused to exit the vehicle.

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  8. A Reminder: Technology Doesn’t Make You Any Smarter

    This is the unfortunate experience of the American National Park Service, who say that advances in GPS and emergency technologies are great for experienced campers and hikers, but that they also give inexperienced, impulsive, or outright idiotic park visitors new and exciting ways to make nuisances of themselves. From the New York Times:
    "Because of having that electronic device, people have an expectation that they can do something stupid and be rescued,” said Jackie Skaggs, spokeswoman for Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. “Every once in a while we get a call from someone who has gone to the top of a peak, the weather has turned and they are confused about how to get down and they want someone to personally escort them,” Ms. Skaggs said. “The answer is that you are up there for the night.”

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