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  1. Sequel Is an Art Show About Those Follow-Up Films We’ll Never See

    No sign of Super Mario Bros. 2.

    My friends, we are never going to see Natalie Portman as a grown hitwoman taking bloody vengeance on the mafia that failed to protect her mentor and guardian the moment he talked about getting out of the game. We're never going to find out what might have happened if the Goblin King returned decades later. And yes, we're probably never going to see a Hellboy III.

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  2. Harken Back to a Simpler Time With Nick Offerman’s Hand-Crafted Artisanal Wooden Emojis

    It's downright American.

    You know, back in my day if we wanted to sent a friend that picture of a little smiling poop, we had to walk uphill backwards in the snow for two straight miles until we got to the nearest general Emoji store, where old Mr. Macpherson had his trained pigeons deliver them to their destinations. Nice to see someone like Parks and Recreation's Nick Offerman —who legitimately owns his own woodshop, by the way—trying to bring that way of life back.

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  3. Ellie Kemper Recalls Dealing With Cat Calls on Conan

    Plus see Kemper's hot dog husband.

    Actress Ellie Kemper went on Conan to promote her new movie Sex Tape, and while she was there she told Conan about having to deal with cat calls from jerks. Now seems like a good time to put out a general reminder to everyone not to be a jerk and cat call people. It's gross. Stop it. Even if Ellie Kemper's responses are great.

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  4. Conan the Clueless Gamer Reviews Smash Bros. for Wii U and Fears for Our Future

    Quick! Do you know who the second President of the U.S. was? Now watch.

    Nintendo was careful in its selection of who should get to play the new Smash Bros. games before they're released, and Conan was clearly the man for the job. He got his hands on the game last night as many Smash fans did, myself included (more on that later), and proved that a game can never be too accessible.

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  5. Conan Highlights the Kitten-Trampling Dangers of Google Driverless Cars

    Did you mean "electrocute us?"

    We all saw that impressive video from Google last week that highlighted the safety and comfort of their self-driving cars. If they can carry a bunch of old people and children without killing any of them in a fiery crash, that's a win, right? Wrong -- according to Conan O'Brien, Google only showed you what they wanted you to see in that first cut.

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  6. Fake Infomercial Is Perfect Solution for the Dumb-Question-Asking Game of Thrones Watchers In Your Life

    The Boob Tube

    We all have these folks in our lives. The ones who ask "why did they do that" when the mystery of a character's motivation has been left deliberately unclear, or "what's going on" when they only started paying attention after the first twenty minutes of the show. Of course, as geeks, we know another solution to this problem: A rewatching binge! Warning: Video contains spoilers for the current season of Game of Thrones. Previously in Television

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  7. Conan’s Got Some Alternate Options for Star Wars Episode VII’s Working Title

    How about Episode VII: It Can't Be Worse Than the Prequels, J.J. or Episode VII: EU Nope?

    When news broke that the working title for Star Wars Episode VII was "The Ancient Fear," the Internet was pretty quick to express its disdain at the fact that it was a bit lacking. So, Conan has your back, Internet. He's got a list of potential alternates that J.J. Abrams could choose from, although my personal favorite is his second suggestion.

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  8. Paul F. Tompkins Talks to Conan About His Childhood Bow Ties

    Paul, if you ever want to have a bow tie race, call me.

    If you're familiar with comedian Paul F. Tompkins, then you probably know that he takes his clothes very seriously. If you're not familiar with Tompkins, you should be. He's great. On Conan last night, he talked about his show No, You Shut Up! and his childhood propensity for bow ties.

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  9. Conan Lives Every Child’s Dream by Playing Video Games on One of the World’s Largest Screens

    If you build it, they will play video games on it.

    Conan is the most spectacularly, hilariously bad gamer in the world in his "Clueless Gamer" segments, but he got to live out a fantasy that more adept gamers can only dream of: he played video games on the giant screen in a football stadium. The screen at AT&T stadium is 9th largest in the world, so try not to get too jealous.

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  10. Would You Buy Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Canine Period Pads? [VIDEO]

    A Series of Fallopian Tubes

    I love how Sarah Michelle Gellar decided to share this specific personal anecdote on Conan. I also wonder how many people turned the channel when she started talking about her dog's "time of the month." Are you following The Mary Sue on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, & Google +?

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