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cologne

  1. Wear This Superhero Cologne to Cover Up the Stink of Your Manly, Heroic Angst

    "My parents are dead, but man do I smell good!"

    Sadly, these superhero colognes exist only in the mind and the concept art of web design company Animink. But can any of us really be said to exist? The cosmos is so unthinkably vast that all human experience is only a pinprick within its cavernous emptiness. If we have no effect at all on the darkness around us, can we really claim to be at all? Who are you? Who am I? Who is Batman, and what does he smell like? Rancid sweat with slight undertones of leather and sweat, right? It has to be gross.

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  2. Pennsylvania Kid So Allergic to Axe Body Spray He Might Have to Be Homeschooled

    Oh no, now I keep having smell-related flashbacks to school field trips, help

    Brandon Silk just wants to go to high school and live a normal life. That sounds like the beginning to a promotional description of a TV show about a kid with superpowers, but it's not, because Brandon doesn't have any superpowers. What he does have is a deathly serious allergy to Axe Body Spray.

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  3. Recapture the Nostalgia of Kindergarten with Play-Doh Cologne

    In those happier, care-free days of youth we ran with flowers in our hair, underneath a golden sun. We had so much in common. We liked Elmo, chocolate, and VHS copies of The Land Before Time. I remember when you kissed my cheek underneath the curly slide and then ran off giggling, the scent still haunts me to this day; Play-Doh. At least that's how I imagine the overwrought, arty TV spot that would advertised the Play-Doh cologne from the Demeter Fragrance Library. Perhaps the cologne's website will provide some insight as to why you'd want to reek of salty modeling clay:

    When you open a can of PLAY-DOH compound, you are instantly transported back to childhood. What better way to celebrate the 50th birthday than by bottling the scent for adults everywhere to enjoy as a reminder of their youth.
    Ah, so you can remember your youth while everyone assumes you're a somewhat unhinges Elementary School educator. Perfect. Thanks, Demeter. And thank you for also for carrying such amazing scents as Dust, Gin and Tonic, Frozen Pond, and Laundromat. It's like an avant-garde commentary on cosmetics and vanity, except they're still ripping you off with their cheap perfumes. (Demeter Fragrances via Bit Rebels)

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