To be serious about China for a bit, the country has been playing close to the vest with information about its space program and its taikonauts (and isn’t that a great word for astronaut?). So frankly the last thing we’d expect is for the identity of the first Chinese woman to make it above the atmosphere to have been revealed by curious stamp collectors!

Man, if China is interested in lifelike pregnancy bellies, I wonder what they’d think of the machine that makes you feel like you’re menstruating? According to the Global Times, whose record of journalistic integrity we don’t have a lot of experience with but we’re letting it slide because this is funny and weird, sales of silica gel (yes, the stuff that comes in shoe boxes and labeled very clearly as inedible) pregnancy bellies have become “hot sellers on the online shopping market.”

The bellies are advertised as “flesh color,” “human skin texture,” and “highly comfortable.”

I love a castle as much as the next girl (probably a bit more) but this woman is willing to do a lot more than I am to get into one. Even when it’s not necessary. 

You may recall that this time last week, we brought you the story of the baby seal who was shunned by his family because his fur was ginger. He was rescued. Well, before you reach for your second box of tissues, we have good news about this five-day-old bald baby penguin: he was also rescued. But the bad news is that he was also shunned by his family. But remember the good news we just mentioned in the previous sentence, and add to that this: new feathers. He has been re-introduced to his family and he now has feathers. However, the people at Pixar are looking at this and getting ideas for a new movie called Bald Penguin and Ginger Seal: An Iceberg Made From Tears.

Law Lok-lam, veteran of Chinese soap operas, is a very familiar face to viewers. Or at least he was, until five of the shows that he appeared in killed off his character in one way or another in the same 24-hour period.

His character met a bloody end during a fight in the martial arts drama Grace Under Fire, and he vomited blood before expiring in Fate to Fate, the Sunday Morning Post reported.

In Relic of an Emissary, Law played the Ming emperor Zhu Yuanzhang, who died after an illness.

In two other shows, Police Station No. 7 and comedy Virtues of Harmony, the actor did not die on screen but his death was discussed, the paper said.

Law, however, didn’t draw any significance from the coincidence. To him, dying is just something that comes with the job description of “actor.”

Sometimes, journalists use their headlines to exaggerate. And we would be lying if we said that we didn’t sometimes give in to the temptation to create a headline that’s only 90% true from a certain angle, and when we do we try to use the Misleading Headline of the Day category.

But this time, that headline appears to actually be true. The General Bureau of Radio, Film and Television has announced that it will no longer allow people to make a genre of time-travel based shows and movies that have recently become popular in China. The Bureau is apparently tired of the numerous historical inaccuracies that can occur when your time travel show features famous historical figures, and considers them disrespectful.

“We’re under attack! We have to hide!”

“Who’s attacking us?”

“I don’t know, it’s an Asian gang or something! I saw someone, he looked Asian! They were speaking another language! I’m pretty sure it was … Asian!”

So, producers of a remake of Red Dawn, a 1984 movie in which a bunch of American teenagers take refuge in the woods to escape Russian invaders, have changed the invaders from Chinese to North Korean. After they completed filming. In 2009. Good job, guys. I’m sure no one will be the least bit uncomfortable about this.

So, this is nothing new. Except for the extreme excitement! With the yank of a string, you too can stop making frowny faces over your boobs having the nerve to not merge and become one cleavagey mound! Just a quick pull and ZOOM! You too, can experience a wonderful sheen of sweat trapped between your smushed up body parts!  Instant ass-on-chest! Because that is beauty! “Poor girl, with her dowdy collared shirt. Here’s a tissue to stuff under it! It will shame the fat out of your stomach and into your boobs, like a cross between a toothpaste tube and a butterfly!”

Well that’s five minutes of your life you won’t get back in hurry.

(BuzzFeed via The Hairpin)