It’s a fact of life that some of us have, at some point in time, contemplated sneaking a Girl Scout Cookie away from the warm embrace of some one we know. Maybe a sibling. Maybe a friend. Just so long as they had more than they could conceivably eat in one sitting and we had none. But I can safely say that the majority of us have never contemplated stealing 450 cases of Girl Scout Cookies directly from a GSA warehouse.
But I can only say “the majority” and not “all” because somebody totally did that in South Carolina last week.
Christopher Maurice Morton, a thirty-seven year old truck diver, has been charged with stealing $19,000 of Girl Scout cookies from Carey Moving and Storage. After noticing the cookies were missing and alerting the police, a search for the culprit (no doubt involving the requisite number of plucky sleuthin’ scouts… or at least that’s how it’d be in my dreams) eventually turned up 352 cases of cookies behind “an abandoned business” and implcated Morton, who has since been fired from his position at Carey Moving.
But I know what you’re about to say: “It’d almost be worth it for that many Thin Mints,” and you wouldn’t be entirely off base. Yes, some of Morton’s ill-gotten gains were Thin Mints, the best selling Girl Scout Cookie (25% of all sales). But he also stole a bunch of Shortbreads (also known as Trefoils, depending on where you live in the country), which are the worst selling of the three varieties that all Girl Scout troops are required to offer.
With only 352 cases recovered, that leaves 98 cases of cookies unnacounted for, and the brief New York Times article on the incident gives no indication whether police are worried about stolen cookies hitting the market in South Carolina. Should any residents of that great state become worried about the source of their cookies, we graciously volunteer to thoroughly investigate every box shipped to our address.