Sailor Moon Newbie Recaps: “The Flash of the Monster Camera” and “The Grieving Doll”

Get your Sailor Moon Newbie Recaps in now, because after this week of creepy photographers and creepy dolls, the series will be going on a break!

Usagi’s a Model: The Flash of the Monster Camera

It’s a new day at school, and all of Usagi’s friends are gushing over award winning teen landscape photographer Kijin Shinokawa. Good job, Juban Academy, for instilling some seriously sophisticated tastes in your young populace. Usagi’s just excited that this famous photographer goes to school near Rei: she could totally score that kid’s autograph! Man, if I knew that taking photos was the key to teenage fame, I probably woulda… still been reading Animorphs books, doing homework, and watching Batman: The Animated Series after school.

Since Rei, as always, has cram school after school, Usagi goes it alone, only to find a group of reporters accosting Kijin outside the school, and an angry Rei berating her about her behavior. “I’m saying a girl who never had any interest in photography, shouldn’t go crazy just because a famous photographer is nearby!” Rei, I never though you’d buy into all that fake geek girl nonsense. If Usagi is suddenly obsessed with a famous photographer, let her be. Maybe she’ll learn something about photography.

Kijin politely asks both ladies to stop fighting. Then he goes to hang out on a precarious cliff in order to get the perfect shot of the sun setting over the Sea of Japan, and nearly falls to his death. Really, bring some climbing equipment next time. But, as per usual on this series, he is saved by a mysterious attractive man. Unfortunately it’s not Tuxedo Mask, it’s Nephrite, who’s picked Kijin to be his patsy of the week, and curses his camera with a youma that gives the young man an uncontrollable urge to take (consensual, thank goodness) pictures of girls in order to increase his energy. Naturally, the next step is to throw a modeling contest.

Is that a back cover ad for a Sailor V sponsored weight loss aid?

Usagi’s excited to try out for the contest, but Luna interrupts with totally boring news about how she’s whipped up new communicator devices for all the Senshi. Usagi immediately uses it to call Ami and gush about the contest, but perceptively decides against calling Rei, since the older girl would just make fun of her ambitions. A+ knowing your friends, Usagi.

But we can’t let Usagi’s girlish dreams go without being made fun of entirely so lets bringing her ludicrously unsupportive family. Shingo tells her that she’s too dumb to be a model: agencies want girls with winning personalities as well as bodies. Usagi complains to her mother about Shingo, to which her mother calmly replies “Oh? I thought what Shingo said was pretty accurate.” HARSH MOM. GUESS I’LL GO RUN TO MY ADULT MALE FRIENDS FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

Motoki tells her that no matter what happens, the important thing is that she’s challenging herself and reaching for what she wants. “But you’re still probably gonna suck,” adds Mamoru, who is playing a video game with his sunglasses on. A girl’s beauty isn’t just in her looks, he says, it’s about “a kind heart and doing what she thinks is right,” and Usagi has neither looks nor a kind heart. Jesus Christ, Mamoru. Understandably, Usagi storms off, and Motoki tells his buddy that he’s got to stop talking to Usagi as if she were a child and start respecting her as a woman. Mamoru shrugs, basically, and acknowledges that he always winds up arguing with her despite himself.

Your words say one thing, Mamoru, but your eyes say TRUE ANIME LOVE 4EVAR.

The next day, Usagi waits a the mail box to see if the picture she sent into the contest gets her to the second round: photo shoots. Much to Shingo’s dismay, she makes it in. Next stop… some public building with a pool, where Kijin is screaming to large audiences about how he’s an ART EXPLOSION or something. Luna notes that this is weird behavior, and she also thinks it’s super weird that Usagi got selected, but nobody’s mentioning the Dark Kingdom yet. You know, Motoki gets a lot of flack for being about as interesting as an unsalted soup cracker, but he is also the only person in Usagi’s life that she can rely upon to consistently believe in her and her goals. Except for that weight loss episode, but you could say that about pretty much everything in Sailor Moon.

And speaking of that weight loss episode, Usagi runs into Naru and Ms. Haruna, who also made it to the second round. The women all change into their swimsuits (Usagi had to cover hers in ribbons to hide the moth-holes, it’s been so long since she’s worn it) while Ms. Haruna worries aloud about how she’s put on weight. I should certainly hope so, since that episode when you nearly died from over exercise. Meanwhile, Luna takes a look around and discovers Kijin’s swimsuit shoot. Ranting about his photographic genius, he snaps a picture of a set of girls and they all disappear. Now Luna’s pretty sure this is the work of the Dark Kingdom, and rushes back to get Usagi to phone up Rei and Ami on her communicator and get the squad together. Usagi’s more concerned with making sure she gets her picture taken, so Luna has to steal one of her bathing suit ribbons in order to get her on the warpath.

Mission accomplished.

Luna’s efforts pay off: Usagi is on hand to see Kijin disappear Ms. Haruna and Naru, and she springs right into angry speech mode (repeating what Mamoru told her earlier in the episode) and transforming into Sailor Moon. In that order. Yeah, see, this show cares not a whit for secret identities. Though she challenges the youma to emerge right away, instead Kijin tries to get her with his monster camera.

LOVELY PHOTO SUBJECT uses SAILOR MOON KICK. It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Disarming Kijin forces youma Kyameran to emerge, and her character design reminds me so much of various Evangelion style kaiju that I feel right at home. Giant shoulder protruberances, eyes in weird places, laser projectiles. *sigh* Even Rei and Ami’s fortuitous arrival can’t stop Kyameran from turning Kijin, Luna, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Mercury all into photographs of themselves with her horrifying hand-eye.

Backed up against a mirror, Usagi wonders: what will happen to Kyameran if she takes her own picture? Just as Kyameran fires, Usagi dodges with a totally badass forward flip, and Kyameran fires straight at her own reflection in the mirror. The eye of her hand gone, Usagi has the opening she needs to get in a Moon Tiara and destroy the youman. And thus the day is saved by a teenage girl and a selfie.

Back at his haunted house/planetarium, that sassy blonde guy needles Nephrite about his failure, and we learn his name! It’s Zoisite! Nephrite needles right back, throwing shade on how Zoisite still hasn’t found the Legendary Silver Crystal. Elsewhere, Kijin announces that he’ll be taking a break from photography to sort through some stuff he was told recently about the true nature of beauty and Usagi’s family sits around talking about how she’s kind of disappointing. LET’S FORGET THAT LAST SCENE HAPPENED AND MOVE ON TO CREEPY DOLLS.

Shingo’s Love: The Grieving Doll

We open on Nephrite giving queen Beryl a status update, at which he understandably has few positive things to report. Zoisite sassily offers his help, an idea that Queen Beryl is totally for, but Nephrite shows some considerable cojones by straight up refusing a direct order from his queen to accept Zoisite’s help. After he leaves, Zoisite quietly chuckles that this is all going according to his plans.

On a morning in the Tsukino household where Usagi has actually gotten up on time, the talk is about Shingo’s young friend Mika, who just won a prize for her talent at hand-making French dolls. On the way home from school, Usagi is approached by two elementary schoolers from Shingo’s school, who want to know why he’s so mean. Earlier that day, Mika offered Shingo the very doll that won her the prize, as a token of their friendship, but when some other boys made fun of the two for displaying affection for each other, Shingo unexpectedly shoved it back at her and the fragile doll was dropped, shattering it into pieces. Shingo ran off without apologizing. Oh, Shingo. I feel you, lil bro. A momentary lapse to peer pressure that results in far more consequences than you thought. Middle School Susana feels you.

At home, Shingo struggles to write Mika an apology letter until Usagi comes in to offer him some stern sisterly advice: Go over to Mika’s house and apologize right now. Mika’s own feelings are as shattered as her doll, as she gives her newest creation a face that’s about to burst into tears. Just as Shingo walks up to her house, Nephrite drives up in his totally sweet car. I love Nephrite’s car, it reminds me of third season Revolutionary Girl Utena, it’s so great. He’s decided that Mika is his next target, and Shingo goes home, so as not to bother Mika’s family when they have a visitor.

Posing as an interested seller of rare French dolls, Nephrite manages to net himself an invitation to a doll exhibition on Saturday, an order of ten dolls to make sure that Mika stays busy, and, of course, a moment to curse Mika’s latest doll. Naturally, it gets a really creepy face.

Late that night, Mika’s mother tries to encourage her to go to stop working and go to sleep and she goes full on demon child at the suggestion.

The fuzzy slippers kind of soften the effect.

Shingo makes a less interrupted attempt to apologize to Mika the next day, but she’s got her creepy cursed doll and wants no part of him: she’s got more creepy cursed dolls to make. He goes home and Usagi has another sisterly chat with him about the problem, suggesting that he give Mika a gift, and privately confessing to Luna that Mika’s behavior seems very abnormal: could be the Dark Kingdom. “Usagi, you’re being very perceptive today,” says Luna, giving her young charge some positive reinforcement for once. Shingo decides to make Mika a crude doll of Sailor Moon, which mostly looks like a cute pig dressed as Sailor Moon.

The Sailor Senshi are on the case! But the only clue they manage to turn up is the Classic Doll exhibition at which Mika’s work will be shown. Fortunately, Rei’s already planning on going with Mamoru, who I guess she’s still dating from three episodes ago even though he did not appear to be even remotely interested? Nothing much happens there, except that Mamoru and Nephrite pass each other and TOTALLY HAVE SOME KIND OF CRAZY MOMENT.

S-sempai?

“I mistook you for someone else,” says Nephrite, with a totally suspicious look on his face. Usagi thinks Mika is under the influence of the Dark Kingdom, but I guess isn’t too worried about her being a danger to her little brother, because she and Shingo arrive right on time to deliver his present. Mika’s mother lets them into the back room where she’s still hard at work at Nephrite’s ten dolls. As she finishes the last one, her energy hits its peak, and youma Jumou appears, magically electrocuting Mika, knocking Shingo unconscious, and *gasp* smashing his adorable Sailor Moon pig.

Usagi transforms, but is chased outside by Jumou’s horrifying, flying vampire dolls. Rei and Ami show up forthwith, and a few quick moves destroys the dolls, leaving Usagi in the hands (literally, the detached but still squeezing hands) of Jumou, whose true form is that of a hollow, disjointed doll. The energy readings from Ami’s glasses pinpoint her weakness: her right leg, but being choked out and all, Usagi can’t deliver the proper Moon Tiara. WHO WILL SAVE TH—

Right, Tuxedo Mask will save them. His thrown rose distracts Jumou into dropping Usagi, and one power move later, it’s all over. Her energy returned, Mika and Shingo sort out their differences, with some advice from Sailor Moon herself (neatly disguised behind a gauzy curtain). Status quo restored!

Moon Prism Power Wrap Up!

Not a huge amount to say about these episodes on my end, other than I’m super in love with Zoisite and the extent to which all the bad guys are just busting each other’s chops all the time. I’m not entirely sure why, but it really cuts through the tiredness of the Powerful Bad Guy Undercut by Incompetent Underlings—I suppose by adding a sense of personality and politics to the relationships between the underlings themselves. And now that we’ve seen Jadeite get bumped off into Eternal Sleep, we know there are some real stakes to the struggle to be Queen Beryl’s number two. Also, Zoisite hovers in a comfortable sitting position for no reason while he delivers his smack talk. I want to have regular drunk brunch dates with this guy where we complain about our lives.

You heard right! Sailor Moon Newbie Recaps are taking a little break. Try not to panic!

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