Of all the movies coming out in 2015—The Avengers sequel and Star Wars: Episode VII primary among them—Pirates of the Caribbean 5 holds the distinction of being the one approximately nobody cares about seeing. OK, maybe I’m projecting. Maybe there are people for whom the one-two punch of At World’s End and On Stranger Tides didn’t kill the franchise. (How could you do that to Norrington?!)
But, for me, the rumor that POTC 5 is getting close to finding a director resulted in a hearty, disappointed groan.
Who might be given the unenviable task of trying to resurrect the franchise from the depths of Davy Jones’ Locker? According to Deadline Disney has narrowed it down to three possibles, the most well-known of which is Rupert Sanders, who directed Snow White and the Huntsman. There’s also relative newcomer Fredrik Bond, whose only feature film to date is the yet-unreleased The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman (starring Mads Mikkelsen, Shia LaBeouf, Evan Rachel Wood, John Hurt, and Rupert Grint—congrats on your casting). Finishing up the list is Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, who directed the Oscar-nominated Norwegian film Kon-Tiki.
Deadline says Rønning and Sandberg are the front-runners, which would fit in with the trend of foreign directors being brought on to direct studio films (The Last Stand, Snowpiercer, Stoker). I haven’t seen Kon-Tiki, but I’ve heard it’s good. And I haven’t seen Sanders’ Snow White, but I’ve heard it’s bad. And pretty much no one’s see Bond’s Charlie Countryman yet, as it’s just playing in festivals.
But whatever. Disney could resurrect Orson freaking Welles and I wouldn’t be hopeful about this movie. Every time I remember that On Stranger Tides made a billion dollars worldwide, thus allowing for sequels to happen, my brain short circuits.