The Maryvale section of Phoenix is being terrorized by a ruthless gang of horny chihuahuas, prowling the streets in search of cheap thrills and prospective mates. Swarming feral packs of the usually adorable miniature mutts are no joke–although if they all had tiny sombreros on or, like, little jean jackets, then it probably would be.
The terrified residents of Maryvale are definitely not laughing. The stray population of the little dog’s has tripled in the neighborhood since 2013, leaving animal officials (a PC word for dog catcher, I’m assuming) overwhelmed and scrambling to maintain order.
Melissa Gable of Maricopa County Animal Care and Control says part of the problem is the little dog’s insatiable appetite for carnal pleasure. “Part of it is these animals aren’t spayed or neutered, so they’re out looking for a mate and are having babies, which also contributes to the problem.”
After receiving dozens of calls at one time reporting problems with feral chihuahuas, Gable’s officers now patrol the neighborhood constantly. But this pooch police state won’t be enough to take back the neighborhood–Gable pleads with residents to make citizen’s arrests whenever safe.
“If at all possible, if you see a stray, if you can safely contain him in your yard and then call us, that makes a big difference. Because people are calling saying, ‘hey I see a stray’ by the time we get there, it’s gone, it slips under the fence, and we can’t find it. Do that, because it’s helping us come out and get the dogs.”
But don’t be a hero, citizens of Maryvale. There’s no telling what these bullies–who usually weigh 10 pounds at most —are capable of, or more seriously, what diseases they may be carrying.
News of this chihuahua invasion comes just days after footage surfaced of a tourist being chased by a swarm of ferocious rabbits on Okunoshima Island in Japan.
Could these incidences be part of a growing, more serious dispute between disarmingly adorable animals and the humans likely responsible for their insane overpopulation?
Regardless, Maricopa County Animal Care and Control will spray and neuter your chihuahua for no charge, so head on down their and get your lap dog’s tubes tied. It’s our job to make sure these puppies wind up in a celebrity’s purse, not in the pound.