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Some Elder Vampires React To Twilight. Wait, No. I Meant Elderly People. [VIDEO]

I’m sure there are some elderly folks out there who enjoy Twilight but these women and men aren’t them. To be fair, the Fine Brothers didn’t show them the entire film, just the trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 2, and asked for their impressions. Which, as you can imagine, are humorous. Enjoy!

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  • Anonymous

    Lesson learned: the elderly are not necessarily wiser or smarter.

  • Anonymous
  • TKS

    As long as they’re not reading comics. COMICS! Being in a novel instantly makes something more intelligent. ARMITE?

  • Sophie

    It really bugs me when people insist that twilight’s somehow corrupted the vampire genre by making it into a romance. It shows a patent lack of knowledge about classic vampire mythology. Vampires have been associated with sexuality since long before they started appearing in literature so if you want to mourn the romanticisation of vampires you’re about 300 years too late I’m afraid.

  • Mothling

    Sex and lust isn’t the same as Romance. Dracula e.g. was way more lusty and had never ever a plot filled with romantic intensions, “how can we just be together in this cruueeeel world that doesn’t understand us”-questions and stuff. He had more than one “wife” and killed people regardless their gender. Apart from that, Meyer – let’s say “took” – quite more from the old World of Darkness Lore than from the classics.

    Vampires are about the beast preying on humans but living among them, much more like American Psycho. A monster, a hunter that lures you in, and despite it’s tragic seeming, is cold at heart, and loses humanity the more time it exists. I don’t hate Twilight, but in my opinion it’s a ton of sugar with just a hint of vampire flavor, and it’s not even near the classic stories. So if you complain about others that they don’t get how true to the classic image the Twilight Characters are, do yourself a favor and read the stuff yourself first.

  • Joanna

    And there’s nothing intellectual about the Twilight books. I couldn’t even finish the first one. It’s just such a mind numbing read >.>

  • Sophie

    You’re making a lot of assumptions about what I have and
    have not read given that we’ve never met.

    Sex and lust are irrevocably linked to romance. You can have
    one without the other but when you have a genre that is based around sexuality,
    romance very quickly becomes a common theme as well. I mentioned both sexuality
    and romance because they are both major themes in Twilight. They are also both
    major themes in Dracula. Bella isn’t the first women in –I hesitate to call Twilight
    ‘literature’- to pine over attractive Vampires. Mina spends a good portion of
    Dracula pining over the titular character. Of course Dracula was a Victorian
    book, and its themes reflect the Victorian fear of and fascination with sex and
    sexuality as do many vampire stories of its time. In this way, twilight is strangely well matched to its genre, as its
    author obvious has a similarly contradictory view of sexuality as the Victorians.

    Vampires are a mythology that goes long back before ‘Dracula’,
    and like any mythology there are a lot of variations so to say what ‘vampires
    are about’ is a ridiculous oversimplification.

    In myth vampires were often a metaphor for predatory sexuality.
    However, it’s not surprising that by the time we start to see vampires
    appearing in written fiction, romance is most definitely a part of the plot. For
    instance Le Fanu’s ‘Carmilla’ is a lesbian romance reflecting again the Victorian
    fear sexuality (and homosexuality). ‘The Bride of Corinth’ by Goethe is highly romantic, while maintaining
    the air of horror. Stories about lovers and spouses returning from the grave to
    be with their grieving partners forever are littered throughout vampire literature.
    I don’t know what you generally class as romantic, but to me that’s definitely
    as much about romance as sexuality and horror. And literature in the 17th
    century was just as capable of being sugary over-indulgent crap as modern
    literature (see gothic literature in general). Don’t make the mistake of
    thinking old automatically equals good.

    Edward follows the Byronic
    hero archetype, a variation on the romantic hero, as do most vampires in literature.
    Of course while the classic stories generally go with the message, ‘vampires may
    be hot and live forever but they want to kill and eat you and that is bad’, Twilight
    goes with the message, ‘vampires may want to kill and eat you but they are hot
    and live forever and that is…good’.

    I’m not going to sit
    here and defend Twilight. They’re horribly written books that send a dangerous
    and sexist message to young women and idealise abusive relationships. And you’re
    right in pointing out that they show a terrible lack of knowledge of the genre…and
    the vampires in them LITERALLY SPARLE IN THE SUNLIGHT. Just because Meyer
    stumbled upon the well trodden themes of sexuality and romance in vampire novels,
    doesn’t change that, and nothing will ever get me over the sparkling.

    But when people go ‘Twilight
    has ruined vampires by making them romantic’, which has implied undertones of ‘Twilight
    has ruined vampires by making them feminine’ they’re wrong.

  • Leah Davydov

    I think its hard to argue that Meyer directly took from 19th century
    vampire literature (She’s admitted to never reading Dracula), but
    there’s an obvious link between the romantic Byronic heroes she did use as inspiration (Darcy, Rochester, Heathcliff, etc…) and the way in
    which Regency/Victorian authors re-imagined the mythological vampire. The first real literary vampire, Polodori’s Ruthven, was an obvious attempt to unite the figure of the romantically debauched gentleman with the mindless blood-drinking brutes of legend, and almost all literary vampiric figures since have been influenced by this combination. While the figures she drew from in creating Edward Cullen aren’t vampiric in their own right (although Heathcliff is accused as such), vampires are in many ways their not-so-distant cousins.

    The only reason that Edward needs to be a vampire in Meyer’s stories is because of this cultural baggage we have about vampirism as being a metaphor for “forbidden sexuality,” which has been rooted in various iterations of the vampire myths since forever. The whole point of the first few novels is that Edward is horribly dangerous and that there is something enticing about Bella desiring him anyway (see: Incredibly subtle image of the Edenic apple). While the author eventually glosses over this potential conflict with a saccharine “happily ever after,” the initial thrill of the Edward/Bella romance is grounded in the fact that you don’t know that Edward isn’t, at heart, a Dracula-esque serial killer
    with a castle full of baby-eating sluts.

    As for the Old World of Darkness… I doubt she really used that as a source. oWoD is just an amalgam of badly edited together tropes and myths wrapped up in some Anne Rice era cravats. It’s an interesting facet of the evolution of vampires, to be sure, but it never really added anything to the genre. It only distilled what was already there.

  • Leah Davydov

    “In this way, twilight is strangely well matched to its genre, as its author obvious has a similarly contradictory view of sexuality as the Victorians.”

    Holy shit! Yes! I recently re-read Dracula and have become somewhat obsessive over the neurotic interactions of the human cast (who kill more women and exchange more blood than the titular vampire does). They really do have some really interesting parallels to the fucked up happenings of Twilight.

    Female protagonists gain the instantaneous and universal admiration of the entire male cast for no apparent reason. A character suffers romantic rejection and then becomes a dysfunctional depressive wreck for three months. People protectively watch ladies sleep like crazy (although they’re generally invited into the house first). Marriage, death, and violence are pretty sharply intertwined in both the consummation of Edward’s marriage and the “consummation” of Arthur’s… seriously, it’s sort of impressive how well Meyer has managed to align her standards of romantic and sexual conduct with those of over a century ago.