On the off chance you needed another reason not to use live eels in sex play, consider the story of a man in China’s Guangdong province who was hospitalized after an eel — apparently being used in sex play to imitate a porn the man had been watching — slithered up his anus and proceeded to wreak havoc on his innards as it tried to chew its way out of his body to freedom. Which, if you’re the eel, is a perfectly reasonable reaction here.
According to reports, the man was drunk and watching some particularly strange porn when he got it in his head to place a one-pound, 20″ long Asian swamp eel…well, not in his head, that’s for sure. Now, I’m no expert on putting eels up your ass for sexy times, but…that seems like a rather large specimen to work with. Then again, what do I know about eel butt play? (Answer: As of this morning, way more than I ever wanted to.)
Apparently, the patient here is no professional either, as after entering through the man’s anus, the eel promptly punctured his colon, causing internal bleeding. That’s before the probably panic-stricken animal started working it’s way through the man’s internal organs, using the only tools at its disposal — its razor-sharp teeth — to try and find the exit. The animal died shortly after being removed with a medical probe by a team of doctors, one of whom had this to say:
“This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth.”
In the interest of fairness, the 39-year-old patient, who has to be rather happy he’s remaining unnamed by the hospital, did do exactly one thing right here in having the sense to admit that he had made a huge mistake and get help at the hospital for it. If this happened to me, you couldn’t even get me to go to the hospital. I would rather just sit back and die of embarrassment, and also a live eel eating its way out of my body.
On the other hand, this would never happen to me, because, and I know I’m going to sound a bit judgmental, but bear with me here, SERIOUSLY, WTF ARE YOU THINKING, DUDE, THAT IS NOT WHERE EELS GO. That statement is confirmed by the fact that the man in question may find himself facing animal cruelty charges over the incident.
- This species of eel is a living fossil
- This is an eel-powered Christmas tree
- Hagfish are gross, but we could make clothes out of their slime