You can decry the vapid commercialism of the modern Valentine’s Day all you want, but it has got nothing on the bizarre Valentines of yesteryear. Back in the day, it apparently wasn’t all that unusual to express your affection with a card featuring images of violence, suicide, bondage, cannibalism, worm eating, and you don’t even want to know what else. Actually, having written that, I think we could afford to bring some of that hilarious weirdness back.
It was confusing when you walled yourself into a fortress, but it’s okay because I am breaking through the wall with mind-lightning because I love you.
<Insert horrible Bobby Brown joke here>
I mean, you can do that. I guess.
A better pun would have been “‘KNIFE’ to see you, Valentine!”
Chibi Peter Lorre wishes you a happy Valentine’s Day.
Hannibal Lecter’s Valentines were always a huge hit with the ladies.
That kitten sure is enjoying this an awful lot.
Literally mud. I am literally a pool of mud that loves you.
I love you so much I will run you over with heart-car and kill you.