Six video game couples that have stuck with me over the years, each representing a different sort of love.
FINALLY: Axe Makes a Body Spray For Ladies (Barf)
by Jamie Frevele | 11:17 am, January 9th, 2012
O joy, ’tis a happy Monday indeed! For now we can eagerly anticipate a new step in gender equality thanks to Axe Body Spray, who has introduced Anarchy — a Spray for Ladies! And there is an ad! Gosh, I wonder if it’s going to feature a homely woman being pawed by a gaggle of sexy, sexy menfolk, just like in the corresponding ads for the boys … Oh, no, wait. She is already hot. And taking her clothes off. In the midst of a police chase and a traffic accident. Yup. Okay, never mind then. Axe remains 100 percent a men’s brand.
We see what they tried to do here. And it failed. First of all, no woman in her right mind would wear anything by Axe. Unless that woman longs to smell like drunken, oily, bridge ‘n’ tunnel trash. (Ed. note: The author is bridge ‘n’ tunnel trash, imbibes on occasion, and relies on blotting papers throughout the day.) Seriously, even anyone on a Wal-Mart budget knows that the best one can hope for in a scented product by Axe is shades of Designer Imposters Fake Eternity by Malvin Glein. So, already, Axe is losing this battle.
But where they have proven that they still don’t understand how to market things to women in a way that will make them feel actually strong and feminine is by making a commercial for a women’s product for men.
Here is the ad:
Now, aside from the clear conflict of interest, it’s not that bad of an ad. Unless you consider what Axe’s ads for men look like:
Yup. That’s a homeless guy. A homeless guy who was just dumpster diving. Who put on Axe Body Spray that he found in a dumpster. And now a hot lady is going to screw him silly. She’s going to screw a homeless guy. But in case you were still unclear about who is expected to be “hot” in Axe ads, I give you this: the Great Undie Run Challenge of 2010.
Lesson learned: Axe makes unattractive/schlubby/actually perfectly normal looking guys who are just below Hollywood’s ridiculous standards attractive. Ladies: better start out hot to begin with, or there’s nothing we can do for you. Axe Anarchy is going to smell so bad that exterior hotness is still required to attract a mate.