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Posts by Steven Romano

  1. Tearful Robber Holds Up Papa John’s for Money, Walks Away With Pizza Instead

    The cardinal rule of any successful robbery -- whether it be a bank, store, or any other establishment carrying copious amounts of cash -- is to maintain control of one's emotions throughout the duration of the forced transaction until it is complete. In other words, do try to keep it cool. A neophyte robber in Helena, Montana failed to heed this adage when holding up a local Papa John's, turning what otherwise should have been a tense situation into an awkward one when he broke down and started bawling in front of the clerk and everyone waiting in line for pizza.

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  2. U.S. Bankruptcy Court Officially Approves Sale of THQ’s Assets

    A press release sent out in the early hours of the morning today officially announced that the U.S. Bankruptcy Court has approved the sale of THQ's assets to other publishers and developers who had placed bids the previous day. The approval came from court judge Mary F. Walrath, giving the green light to the prospective buyers eager to snatch up their new acquisitions. Regrettably, only seven of the eight asset groupings were purchased, leaving Darksiders developer Vigil out in the cold and uncertain of its status going forward.

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  3. Stray Dogs in Romania Are Quite Accomplished at Crossing Streets, Humans Not So Much

    The human race has accomplished plenty since the day we first learned to wield tools such as a hammer and chisel. We've constructed towns, bustling cities, and -- most importantly -- the roadways that allow us to commute from one urban center to the next. Not that this interconnected network of paved ground does us any good since mankind has still failed to grasp the simple concept of traffic safety, namely crossing the street without ending up as roadkill. Traffic police in Romania are fed up with pedestrians' blatant disregard for designated crosswalks, opting to instead dash across busy streets at their own, oftentimes fatal, detriment. In an effort to raise awareness of this sheer idiocy, traffic police have released a series of TV ads highlighting the citizens that understand the function of those big white lines painted on the pavement are for: Stray dogs.

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  4. Wildlife Conservation Society Scientists Document Tapir Eden on the Peru-Bolivia Border

    Tapirs may lovable in that so-ugly-they're-adorable kind of way, but the fact that they're cute as the dickens hasn't helped them avoid a spot on the endangered species list. Due to unsustainable hunting, habitat loss, and low reproductive rates, environmentalists have been pushing for tapir conservation efforts and awareness for years. Even though the tapirs' situation appears to be a dire one, there may be a glimmer of hope for the bizarre creatures after all. A team of scientists from the Wildlife Conservation Society have recently released their report in the journal Integrative Zoology on a thriving lowland tapir population on the Peru-Bolivia Border. Playing host to an estimated 145,000 of these critters, mankind may have just stumbled upon a veritable Garden of Eden -- as envisioned by the tapir, of course.

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  5. Teddy Bear Internet Meme Set to Become Movie, Will Be Produced by The Rock

    Obviously a sign of the internet zeitgeist, only in this generation can a lowly internet meme have the potential to be turned into a million-dollar box office blockbuster. The above image -- illustrated by Greek software engineer and fantasy artist Alex Panagopoulos -- depicting a teddy bear standing up to nightmares incarnate will reportedly be given the Hollywood treatment, with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Beau Flynn of FlynnPicturesCo set to produce the film tentatively titled Teddy Bear. Wait a minute, aren't Johnson and Flynn attached to Journey 2: The Mysterious Island? And on that note, doesn't Johnson have a penchant for starring in family-friendly fare like Tooth Fairy? If that's the case, then that teddy bear's going to need a much bigger sword and shield.

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  6. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Honest Trailer Reminds Us How Bad It Really Was

    Just when you thought our five-year nerd rage over the cinematic garbage that was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was finally beginning to simmer down, the avid film aficionados over at Screen Junkies have to reopen old wounds and throw in the salt with their latest Honest Trailer tearing apart the aforementioned rubbish blockbuster. Pointing out every single flaw -- which is a tad redundant since Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as a whole is a major flaw -- with keen observations that lay down the snark in spades, we're finding it difficult to laugh and control our seething anger at the same time. Damn that cheesy scene of Shia LeBeouf swinging with the monkeys to Hades! Damn it all!

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  7. Searching for Pokémon X on Google Leads to Porn, Because Of Course It Does

    Futilely wishing that this development won't be used as more justification for the misinformed anti-video game agendas of parent groups and law makers worldwide, children in Britain were met with the most unexpected of search results when scouring Google for anything related to the next installment in the Pokémon game franchise, Pokémon X: Links to a hardcore pornography website. Parents across the country no doubt spat out gallons of tea in shocked reaction to their children seeing what cannot be unseen, with many reaffirming that the Internet still has a way to go in regards to blocking minors from inadvertently stumbling upon unwholesome content.

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  8. Trailer for Suda 51′s Killer is Dead Makes Absolutely No Sense, Perfect the Way It Is

    He may not be recognized in the same vein as more famous video game visionaries such as Shigeru Miyamoto or Hideo Kojima by the mainstream media, but when news hits that Suda 51 is working on a new game, you can more than bet that the gaming community will drop what they're doing and clamor to learn more about what exactly is up the cult designer's bizarre sleeve. Following in the noble tradition of Killer 7 and No More Heroes, Suda 51's latest video game phantasmagoria of crazy characters, intense action, and blood spray galore is Killer is Dead: An unhinged story set in the near-future where cybernetic implants are the norm and assassin work is quite the lucrative business. Mortal words don't do this game justice, so it's in your best interest to check out the debut trailer for yourself.

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  9. It Means He Likes You: “Tailly” Lets People Know How You Really Feel in the Creepiest Way Possible

    Have you ever thought to yourself that, thanks to our ability to form intelligible sentences and verbalize our current emotional state, we lost touch with those simpler primal days when such interactions were accomplished with visual cues? No, of course not, we're humans and evolution's divine providence saw to it that we ditch any superfluous appendages like tails for our own sake. One individual -- a self-proclaimed inventor by the name of Shota Ishiwatari -- seems to have a dissenting opinion on this matter since he has already begun soliciting financial backing on Indiegogo for his latest product called Tailly: A wearable tail that wags in relation to one's heart rate. We have no doubt in our minds that it will catch on in Japan, but for Western markets, Ishiwatari has plenty of convincing to do.

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  10. New FaceWash App Will Figuratively Wash Your Facebook Account’s Dirty Mouth Out with Soap

    Never in the history of the universe has there ever been something as contradictory as our equal love and outright hatred for social media, chief among them being Facebook. While Mark Zuckerberg's grand creation has enabled us to stay connected with friends and family no matter where they are in the world, we never stopped to consider the consequences of posting updates, photos, and other private information online. Those inclined to immediately post a series of photos highlighting a night of drunken escapades can only pray that no one saw what they did at Burger King at 3 in the morning. Thankfully, a recently released web app cleverly named FaceWash can help pull your sullied reputation out from the mud.

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