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Posts by Jon Bershad

  1. Oh My Dear Lord, There’s a Brand New Don Hertzfeldt Cartoon Online!

    Everyone who has ever drank coffee despite horrible allergies, joyously shouted about anal bleeding, or complained about a spoon that is slightly too large, get excited. Wisdom Teeth, the newest cartoon from Don Hertzfeldt, the brilliant animator behind such cult classics as Rejected and Billy's Balloon, has suddenly appeared in all of it's hilariously disturbing glory online!

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  2. The Assassination of Yogi Bear by the Coward Boo-Boo

    Ok, this is amazing. Some genius or geniuses (probably including CGI artist Edmund Earle who uploaded the video) have made an "alternate ending" to the upcoming Yogi Bear that lovingly recreates the titular assassination scene from the criminally under-seen masterpiece The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and it's, well, hilarious. Seriously, watch this. And then go watch The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, preferably on Blu Ray. And then, if you really feel like it, I guess you can go see Yogi Bear.

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  3. Warner Bros. Confirms Joss Whedon-less Buffy Movie Because They’re Apparently Really Stupid (Update)

    Last year, rumors began surfacing that Warner Bros. was planning on rebooting Buffy the Vampire Slayer with a new movie without the participation of the character's creator Joss Whedon. The idea seemed so stupid that no one would possibly do it and, after, a few quiet months, that seemed to be the case. Today, however, they confirmed that this unholy abomination was actually happening. Lets all spend a few paragraphs thinking about the many reasons why this is the dumbest decision ever.

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  4. Man Forced to Eat Own Beard

    Some headlines just insist on being clicked. Kentucky NBC affiliate KSDK’s “Man says former friends cut off his beard and forced him to eat it” is just one of those headlines. It tells the harrowing story about a fight between four men over a lawnmower that almost ended in death but, fortunately, only ended in the loss and ingestion of a beard. >>>Video report at Mediaite.

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  5. Resting Your Laptop On Your Laps Can Cause ‘Toasted Skin Syndrome’

    If your laptop is on your lap right now, you might want to shuffle it to the side: In addition to the oft-rumored sperm count reduction, your MacBook Pro or whatever could also be afflicting you with the strangely delicious sounding “Toasted Skin Syndrome.” So, unless you want to end up childless with permanently blotchy legs, you might want to go to the trouble of putting the computer on the desk for once. The findings come from a report by Swiss researchers in the medical journal Pediatrics. They cite a number of instances where users found “sponge-like patterns” on their thighs. Sexy. >>>Full article at Mediaite.

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  6. The Moon is Shrinking! The Moon is Shrinking!

    Well, it's finally happening: the moon is shrinking. New images from NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter have shown an increasing amount of lobate scarps, raised features that appear along thrust faults, on the moon's surface. Scientist's are blaming contraction for the phenomenon. Yes, the moon is suffering from shrinkage.

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  7. Futurama Writer Created And Proved A Brand New Math Theorem Just For Last Night’s Episode

    We all knew the writing staff of Futurama was brainy but this is something else. To work out the ridiculous brain switching plot line from last night's hilarious episode, writer Ken Keeler (who also just happens to have a PhD in mathematics) ended up writing and proving an entirely new theorem. This is probably the most impressive bit of side work from a TV writer since a writer of Desperate Housewives discovered a new species or the staff of Full House developed a vaccine for a specific strain of syphilis.

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  8. The Taiwanese CGI American Scandal Recap You’ve Been Waiting For: Rod Blagojevich

    We said that we were going to stop posting every single thing Taiwan’s Next Media Animation does (they post new stuff every day and, y’know, diminishing returns and all), but this is pretty great. And it is a Friday. So, they’ve tackled the Rod Blagojevich story and, as always, we can learn new things about America when viewed through the eyes of outsiders. This time we learned that Blago’s visage can shatter mirrors, when he runs he sounds like Fred Flintstone, and, most importantly, that the state of Illinois is apparently run out of a series of nondescript tract houses. Fascinating.

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  9. Best Viral Marketing for a Movie I Have No Desire to See Ever: The Last Exorcist Chatroulette Prank

    Here's the thing about viral marketing; sure it raises awareness but, for some reason, the good examples always make me respect the marketing team more than the product they're shilling. So, while this video of a bunch of horny guys getting the crap scared out of them by a hot girl/CG monster on Chatroulette may be the funniest thing I've seen all week, it's still not gonna get me to see another flick about Satan making young girls' necks move weird.

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  10. Google’s CEO Proposes Future Where People Will Have to Change Their Names to Escape Social Media

    A few days ago, the Wall Street Journal published an interview with Google's CEO Eric Schmidt. It delved into a number of things like the Verizon deal and Schmidt's excitement for Minority Report-style "targeted advertisement," but the folks at the Telegraph noticed a truly interesting quote nestled unto the discussion. Schmidt apparently believes that, as time goes on and we reach a point where every single person has embarrassing information and pictures from their adolescence posted on social media sites online, it will become commonplace for people to automatically change their name once they reach adulthood.

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  11. Awesome Suitcase Stickers Sure To Get You Attention! (And Maybe a Cavity Search)

    Have you ever been watching a movie and seen one of the characters walk around looking all slick carrying a suitcase filled with money or drugs and thought "Why not me?" Well, dream no longer. The website is selling a series of decals to stick on your suitcase so that you can transform into a) some kind of supervillain and, b) some kind of supervillain with x-ray vision. Grab yourself an awesome suit, put on some cool sunglasses, and (optional) handcuff yourself to your new be-stickered suitcase and you are ready to strike fear into the hearts of man and annoyance into the days of airport security workers everywhere!

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  12. Military Explains DADT In World’s Most Boring Comic Ever

    Now that we’re preparing to say goodbye to Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (or at least we hopefully are), it’s a good time to look back on this controversial policy. And what better way to do that than by reading ahilarious nine-year-old comic book created by the military to explain the rules of neither asking or telling to our soldiers? Give up? I’m not surprised because there is literally no better way.

    The comic book idea makes sense in theory. DADT is an incredibly complicated policy in practice so, instead of sitting all of the nation’s soldiers down for a lecture, the military gives them a comic. A comic about…a bunch of our nation’s soldiers sitting down for a lecture. Ugh. This may be the most boring comic book ever written.

    >>>Read some of the 'highlights' at Mediaite.

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  13. Yes, It’s True. This Man Has No Dick. Also, Watch this Video of the 100 Greatest Movie Insults

    It's only the best of videos that gives me an excuse to use a Ghostbusters quote as the headline and a shot from the insult-tastic British film In the Loop as the image. Thankfully a new video has given me just the excuse I need. Entitled "The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time," the video is 10 minutes of awesome NSFW (unless you own good headphones) glory.

    The video was edited together by Harry Hanrahan, a British editor who apparently spends every second of his waking day either timecoding DVDs for their funniest lines or buying DVDs with funny lines for which to timecode. He's previously completed such Herculean tasks as editing together "The 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes of All Time" and "The 100 Greatest Quotes From The Wire”. His latest is just as wondrous. And the best part? If you disagree that these are the best insults of all time, Hanrahan has 100 perfect responses just lined up for you.

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  14. There’s a New Old Spice Commercial, and it Involves a Motorcycle

    Sometimes it pays to spend money. In just the first few months of 2010, Old Spice has spent more than 2/3 of their entire ad budget for 2009 in the most recent stage of a massive corporate makeover started in the early years of the last decade. So, how has it worked for them? Well, folks like Time Magazine are blogging about how excited they are for a sequel to a freaking commercial, something’s going right.

    Video below:

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  15. Possible Windows 8 Documents Leak To The Web, All Microsoft Employees Swear “Windows 8 Leak Was NOT My Idea”

    Man, remind me never to entrust my deepest secrets with anyone in Silicon Valley. It seems like every day we get a new story about some kind of technology leaks. Today comes the news that a bunch of different blogs (including one that has suspiciously been taken off line) have received and posted different slides showing Microsoft's plans for the (not even announced yet) Windows 7. The slides showcase all sorts of new features as well as the lessons the company is trying to take away from Apple's success. We can only assume that one of those lessons involves how to get your leaked info plastered all over the Internet.

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  16. Court Rules in Favor of Google/YouTube Against Viacom

    Remember the golden days when people watched Daily Show clips on YouTube (for that matter, remember when you could watch them on Hulu)? Well, those clips (and 100,000 others) led to a lawsuit between Viacom and YouTube-owning Google that had its ruling today. In the end, the judge ruled in Google's favor which means the company won't have to pay Viacom the hefty $1 billion worth of damages that Viacom was asking for.

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  17. Be the Best Bro You Can Be: The Greatest Bros Icing Bros Peripherals

    I'm sorry to say, but the Geekosystem offices are in mourning. It would take Nintendo introducing an 8DS for us to climb out of the trough of despair in which we find ourselves. Why are we so sad, you ask? Well, the website Bros Icing Bros, the site that brought us the beloved frat boy drinking game 'Icing', is currently down, replaced only by the cryptic message, "We had a good run, Bros..." It's like poetry, that. The Village Voice provides evidence that has been sold for a five-figure sum and will rise from the ashes like some kind of startup phoenix, but we know that the phenomenon will never be the same: Despite its humble beginnings, it may have just gone corporate. But it's not just some dumb fad! Icing will live on forever. ith that in mind, we present this list of potential Bros Icing Bros peripherals that will turn you into the greatest Bro who ever iced: The Überbro, if you will.

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  18. Zach Anner: How the Internet Helped a Man (Who Can’t Walk) Fly

    There's a lot of anger and snark on the internet (I should know, I write some of it), so it was great news that this weekend gave us an internet story that just makes you smile. That story is the tale of Zach Anner, a young man with cerebral palsy, who became the internet's latest celebrity when he entered Oprah Winfrey's contest to give a regular person their own TV show. Anner's audition video was hilarious and his overall good nature won over the internet and soon a few well-placed links had landed him more than two and a half million votes!

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  19. Funny or Die Gives the Original Karate Kid an Intervention

    It's getting to the point where "interventions" of has-been film and TV stars are such a cliche that parodies of them have become cliche as well. However, perhaps because of residual hatred for the new Karate Kid remake, the new Funny or Die video featuring an intervention of the original Kid himself, Ralph Macchio, somehow ends up working big time. The video features the 80s star's family (including "actress who's been showing up everywhere recently," June Diane Raphael, as his wife) and "friends" gathering together to persuade him he needs to stop...being so nice. We then get treated to a series of hilarious visual gags including a shot of Macchio cutting a pile of coke into a smiley face.

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  20. Phoneballs!: They’re Balls for Your Phone!! (Is There Any Reason to Write an Actual Headline For This?)

    Yesterday during the WWDC, we all sat, glued to the edge of our seats, hoping Steve Jobs would finally announce the feature we'd all been waiting for for the fourth gen iPhones. No, I'm not talking about battery life (boring!). No, I don't mean video chat (by the by, who else thinks 95% of FaceTime conversations are gonna sound like "Yo, man, I'm really busy. Can you just call me back normal?"). And, no, I'm definitely not referring to a screen with resolution more precise than a human eye can fully handle (Great. Now all my eagle and falcon friends are gonna constantly be asking to borrow my phone). The feature I'm talking about is the one that's been missing from iPhones since the day they were first announced. That's right, I'm talking about testicles. The iPhone has been missing testicles. Until now!

    Update: Achewood did it first.

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