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Posts by Dan Van Winkle

    Dan Van Winkle — Associate Editor

    Dan is a video game modding hobbyist and secret ninja who lives in New Jersey.

  1. Bill Gates Says Vaccines Are the Best Thing for Developing Countries While People in This Country Turn Them Down

    Another in a long list of things people take for granted.

    No matter how many blue screens of death caused me to curse his name as a child, Bill Gates is a wonderful human being and philanthropist. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation works hard to improve the quality of life for people in developing nations, which includes delivering a lot of helpful vaccines whether people in other nations think they're evil corporate death potions or not.

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  2. Things We Saw Today: A Visual Guide to Which Movie Studio Is Hoarding Your Favorite Marvel Hero

    And which movie studios are consequently ruining our lives.

    Before Marvel decided to make even larger piles of money by making their own superhero movies, they sold a bunch of character rights to movie studios for modest mountains of cash and ruined the future for everyone. This handy graphic from The Geek Twins' Maurice Mitchell will help you remember which movie studio is preventing you favorite character from being in The Avengers owns which characters.

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  3. Pretend Mars Mission Ended by Real Fire, We Have Suspicions of Who’s Responsible

    Dammit, Sailor Mars!

    We can't take you anywhere—especially not to Mars.

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  4. Giant Sperm Whale Unleashes Secret Defense Technique “Poonado” on Photographers

    If it's under water, is it a waterspoop? Poo vortex?

    How did the sperm whale get to be the world's largest toothed predator with a name that probably got it mercilessly bullied and picked on by the Earth's other animals, you ask? It could be that no one wants to eat anything while surrounded by a cloud of whale waste.

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  5. Google Apologizes and Gets Rid of Homophobic Translator Responses

    Let's not teach more people to talk like this.

    When we worry about software going off the rails and harming humanity, throwing discriminatory slurs around isn't exactly the first thing that jumps to mind. Unfortunately, it wasn't on Google's mind, either, and some nasty words and phrases found their way into its translator. You just can't take your eyes off those machines for a second.

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  6. Behold the Pizza Condom. Caution: Hot!

    I'll take mine with extra sausage.

    The pizza condom perfectly combines the two greatest things in the world: pizza and safety. Wait, what did you think I meant?

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  7. “Luna” Smart Mattress Cover Monitors Your Sleep & Probably Whatever Else You Do in Bed

    Leave off the last "s" for smart?

    The Luna smart mattress cover will make your dumb old caveman mattress much smarter! It monitors your bedtime habits to make sure the temperature of your bed, mood lighting, and atmospheric music are all set for you to sleep properly—or, ahem, whatever else it is you plan on doing in bed after those things are perfected, I guess.

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  8. A Congressional Hearing Can’t Determine Who Even Watches Big Bang Theory in This Comedy Sketch

    Bazinga! Did I do it right?

    These are the burning questions, congress. Stop wasting your time and get to the bottom of this.

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  9. We Mashed Up Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four Trailer With Interstellar’s Audio, and It’s Uncomfortably Similar

    I think I've seen this movie before...

    The Fantastic Four reboot trailer reminded us of a lot of things, but none more strongly than the trailers for Interstellar. So, we gave it a run through the Nolan-ifier for you, and it's so perfect you can barely tell the difference. Be sure to watch all the way to through. Enjoy.

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  10. Wickr Messaging App Keeps Your Photos Private Using Cats

    No one in here but us cats!

    Well, disguising yourself as a cat is the perfect camouflage for the Internet.

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