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Here’s Who Won At Last Night’s Oscars. Besides William Shatner, That Is.

Oh Hollywood

Django Unchained, two for you. Life of Pi? Four for you, Life of Pi. You go, Life of Pi. Jennifer Lawrence? Do we have a Jennifer Lawrence here? Here you go, one for you… and none for The Hobbit‘s dwarf beards, byeeee!

As you may have heard, the Oscars were last night, and some painfully unfunny sexist jokes from host Seth MacFarlane aside (Jessica Chastain‘s Zero Dark Thirty character chasing down Bin Laden as a metaphor for women not being able to let things go? That’s not even a good joke!), I quite enjoyed it. Better than the blah-fest that was last year anyways.

Plus, there were surprise appearances by William Shatner and Michelle Obama, which… I mean, that’s a somewhat random pair of cameos, but yay! ‘Twas good. And also somewhat emblematic of the show as a whole. (Here, have some Barbra Streisand. Now some Jaws theme. And a random—yet awesome—The Sound of Music joke! And now let’s just let Jack Nicholson do his thing for a while.)

And Adele, Shirley Bassey, and Jennifer Hudson killed their respective musical numbers. Killed them dead. I started watching Les Mis’ big performance feeling sorry for them that they had to go after Hudson. And then Russell Crowe came onstage and I was just wincing.

But how about those winners? Here, have a list (with a bit of added editorializing by myself because I can’t resist, I’m sorry):

Best Picture: Argo
Best Director: Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis (Meryl Streep‘s biggest fan, judging by  his acceptance speech), Lincoln
Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook. I love you, Jennifer, but… look, this might be a controversial thing to say, but there’s no way her performance was the best from this lot. I’m sorry. But I’m taking a stand here. Ideally I wanted Quvenzhané Wallis, though that was never going to happen. I thought Jessica Chastain had a chance at pulling off the upset, though. Oh well.
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Best Original Screenplay: Django Unchained
Best Adapted Screenplay: Zero Dark Thirty
Best Cinematography: Life of Pi
Best Costume Design: Anna Karenina (the lavish period drama won Best Costume Design? What?!)
Best Sound Mixing: Les Misérables
Best Sound Editing: A tie between Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty. The sound editing category has never been so dramatic.
Best Editing: Argo
Best Visual Effects: Life of Pi (Sorry you didn’t get an Oscar, Avengers, but Pi deserved this one)
Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Les Misérables. No Oscar win for The Hobbit‘s dwarf beards/dwarf braids/prosthetics/everything?! I protest!
Best Song: Skyfall, Adele.
Best Score: Life of Pi
Best Short Film, Animated: Paperman
Best Short Film, Live Action: Curfew. This was an adorable acceptance speech.
Best Documentary Short: Inocente
Best Documentary, Feature: Searching for Sugar Man
Best Foreign Language Film: Amour
Best Animated Film: Brave (I liked it, but I’d have preferred ParaNorman and predicted Wreck-It Ralph. Oh well, what can you do. We got a kilt on the Oscar stage. Brenda Chapman won an Oscar. It’s all good.)
Best Production Design: Lincoln

For a grand total of nine female winners, if you’re curious.

What did you think of the winners? No big surprises, save maybe Christoph Waltz winning for Django. Everyone at the Academy Awards loved Ben Affleck except the Academy themselves. I’d have preferred a Beasts of the Southern Wild win, but that was never going to happen.

And the countdown until Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are announced as next year’s hosts begins…now. Make it happen, Academy.

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