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10 Worst Case Casting Scenarios
by The Mary Sue Staff | 12:34 pm, February 22nd, 2012
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Reach into the murkiest, most disturbed depths of your mind. What you will find there is an idea that has maybe crossed the minds of several Hollywood executives: A remake or unofficial sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit featuring a computer-animated replacement for Roger Rabbit.
Can you even imagine this travesty? Personally, I feel like it would never happen. But then again, things like Son of the Mask end up getting made, too. So, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if the thought had occurred to Hollywood to do a grown-up Pixar- or Dreamworks-style movie that was an innovative but fun(!) mix of live-action and animation, in which the two worlds didn’t have to blend into one like in most movies that feature CGI for special effects. That was the magic of Roger Rabbit: Toon Town. A place where Disney and Looney Tunes co-existed, then the human world alongside them, but the ‘toons were still ‘toons, and not the same as their fellow flesh-and-blood neighbors.
And surely, someone has thought about Woody, Buzz, and Wall-E chilling out with Shrek. Not to mention creating a new character just like them, just as child-like and family-friendly, but who becomes involved in some very adult situations. Because some people are a little demented.
This is why I’d fear a CG version of Roger Rabbit. Maybe they’d go with Roger, putting him through some painful Hollywood surgical process so he can restart his career after his Fatty Arbuckle-like collapse. And this would be just terrible. No one would want to see that. Ever. Forever. Never. That’s why Hollywood might call on someone like Brad Bird, perhaps, to create (perhaps even provide the voice of) a brand new character who seems innocent enough, but will be framed for murder. Could this provide David Cross a wonderful opportunity to exact his revenge on Alvin and the Chipmunks? It would probably be perfect, but after his previous experience with the computer-animated rodents, he would probably pass. Unless it was amazing.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with Brad Bird. And maybe, if this kind of project was to get off the ground, they’d team Bird up with a gritty comic artist/writer or Adult Swim showrunner (Dino Stamatopolous, perhaps, or even the Venture team). Such a story actually could be amazing, but would it be original or groundbreaking the way Who Framed Roger Rabbit was? Not anymore. We’ve crossed that bridge, many, many times. And the idea of taking characters from just the past 20 years or so (compared to the several decades we got with Mickey, Bugs et al by the time Roger Rabbit came out) just seems like it would be way too soon.
But we’re not talking about good ideas. We’re talking about the best way to make this horrible. And here is a sure-fire way to make it excruciatingly horrible:
The new Roger character is played by Charlie Sheen. And he is a womanizing, drug-addicted anthropomorphic teddy bear (a naughty Care Bear, if you will) who once famously entertained children — until he was caught with a prostitute. A dead prostitute. A dead, computer-animated anthropomorphic deer prostitute (played by Kim Kardashian!). And it will be a madcap adventure that will be ultimately saved by a hacker who can obliterate the secretly CG villain, played by Tim Curry (who is wonderful, but tends to end up in terrible things), who framed this creature, who is clearly a cartoon version of Charlie Sheen. That hacker is a human who will be played by Bobby Moynihan, by the way. (He will be the one saving grace, because there’s always one of those guys, as if Hollywood knows what it’s doing is bad. As in, “This movie is the worst thing I have ever seen, shitting all over the legacy and genius that was Who Framed Roger Rabbit…but man, do I love Bobby Moynihan.”) Jessica Simpson will provide the voice of his sexy stripper wife, on whom he’s been cheating while she does all her own cheating (with a character played by Wayne Knight, who owns all the copyrights, patents, etc. and leaves them all to the new Toon Town, saving it from being obliterated by a computer virus…or something). She will also be killed, and Sheen’s character will be framed. Again. Lindsay Lohan will play the “sexy,” raspy-voiced human reporter who uncovers The Truth About Everything. Which leaves the live-action, human detective with whom she’ll fall in love: Breckin Meyer. Obviously.
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